Small Pleasures Department

Easter morning when I was about 10, so 1960 or so

I was almost ecstatic at finding a bag of flour stashed in the cabinet...trying to evaluate if I can manage for another month without shopping. It's only a pound, but it might tip the balance. The things I need are mostly still self-indulgent, so I'm trying to resist. Think how wonderful it will be to have them again after we all survive this.

I'm trying to wear some optimism for longer periods. I realized I will be mad at myself if I let this opportunity to meet some goals slip by. I already know I can complete one year of archiving per day if I apply myself diligently...and here comes 30 more days, which is just about the right amount of time. Doing the writing for the Saturday Market history seems so pointless when we don't know when we will open again...but then it IS likely to happen, so how great would it be to have that project ready? It would be fantastic.

Or a fantasy. I have not had the focus to work at that level of diligence...but I could try harder than I have been. Self-disclipline is in my skill set. It always feels good when I apply it. Instead of cutting down on coffee like I have been, I could have a little afternoon coffee time. With a cookie.

We had a zoomie with the Radar Angels last night, and it was indeed so wonderful to see everyone's faces and hear their voices. Singing was not satisfying but we could refine our techniques...for some of us it was our first zoom. We wore hats (I made two Jell-O headpieces for the occasion.) and we got out our stuffed animals like we were kids. We had some hilarious suggestions for songs if this ever gets funny. No one thought it would any time soon, but someday we will be looking back at this.

We had one report of someone in our community in the hospital with the Covfefe. I don't know who, as we were all reluctant to give health reports yet. We each talked about the ways we felt vulnerable and things we had been doing. It ranged from studio time to serious distress, and we are lucky to have some really good empathetic listeners in our midst. A special thanks to Mark Roberts! His mother is having her 100th birthday this week and he cannot celebrate with her as planned, but he was still there for all of us and will continue to be. He is treasure to our whole community. Empathy is one thing in short supply, though everyone is seeking more of it.

I watched the Jell-O Art video that MKAC made several times and shared it all over the place. I looked back through my Jell-O Art blog (Gelatinaceae) to see if I had saved any links to videos and found the one of the 30th show...it was in 2018. The video was kind of slow and too long and I would not say we sounded very good in it, but it did show the ending when we gave away the gold roses and that felt pretty good. Seems like a decade ago now. I looked cuter and younger than I remembered.

I guess I had better make some cookies with my found flour, which I can use to reward myself for getting to work, which I plan to do today. It looks like I need to steel myself for a longer ordeal than expected, because we got the official notice that Market won't open until May 2 (subject to change.) It should help to have more certainty, help everyone relax a bit, help everyone re-prioritize things and work through their emotions. Some will qualify for unemployment for the month, though I am not sure if I do.

I know above all I do not want to contract the virus. My best choice is to stay at home, period. I can use whatever negative energy I have around self-denial and deprivation to work through unexpected things...make piles of things to get rid of when the time comes, work to use space better to help me feel better in my environment. Emotionally prepare for bigger losses and know I did my part not to make them worse. Be resourceful and channel my inner Girl Scout. Simplify. Exercise. Read.

Solidify. I have so many disconnected communities with my different organizations, and I can connect them more for myself. I can connect myself to them more strongly. People are desperate to feel that connection. I have this ability to articulate and I have abilities I am not even using. I can use Mark as my role model, and offer my skills.

This really isn't a good time to be too self-indulgent about allowing my own desperation. This could end badly, for me, or for you. I want to be a warrior somehow. I will try harder.

And I'm going to write more like this, even if key people in my life don't even read it or want to. I have heard from a few people that it helps them. It helps me. Sometimes we should indulge ourselves...as in the words of my Java Jibe song:

I love eating, I love food
So many things I eat are oh, so good.
I accept that, I like myself fat,
Indulge, indulge, why judge? Get over that.