Connecting with Joy

 Yesterday was one of the most joyous ever, despite the chaos. There were far more, and far more delightful, people dressed in lingerie and PRIDE flags than there were misogynist men and women calling for everyone to shut up and ask their imaginary leader for protection from their thoughts and actions. It was so very noisy, amusing, and inspiring.

Those community members came to make sure that the center of town remains the community gathering place as declared in the 1850s, which though transformed many times with streets and buildings, is still powerful in its role and championing of free speech. The ugly pictures and intolerant ravings of people set on imposing their will on the majority did not win a thing yesterday, and were ebulliently escorted off the blocks when they decided to give up. Their message of silencing women and others was not getting across as women and others would not be silenced. 

My position throughout has been to ignore these proselytizers, whom I call the X-tians, who are from some other planet from the one I live on. Disrupting my day of work in the space I rent is not a fair plan from them, so I refuse to give them my energy. But I also support clowning them as hard as possible, which is what happened so well yesterday.

Amid the cold and inopportune showers, I tried to remain working and had a successful time of it. My foot hurt all day but I stand up, which is part of my success and I enjoy it. As always I got a lot of appreciation, visits from friends and neighbors, and food for thought from observing the actions and words around me. It's heaven for a writer and I wrote 12 pages today without even trying. I doubt I will ever run out of things to say.

Maintaining the frame of mind to do it is the challenge. I'm lucky to know people who can see me in my best light and stick with me while I shine. It's a gratifying time for me, with all of the current Kareng Fund success and a solid 50 years of membership behind me. I'm proud of what we built together and care about so deeply. I'm happy to host the community to come and express themselves, whether I agree or disagree with their thoughts and words. We wouldn't attract those X-tians and their formidable opposition if we weren't the power center that we are.

The irony was thick, as leaders from my own organization struck out to deny the rights of me and my fellow observers and joyful warriors. A leader sent out a market-wide email, something that is not available to most of us, to say that there are three bad actors who need to be removed from the membership for their opinions, but it landed badly and caused a lot of nasty comments on his apparent FB post, which I did not see. I did see a lot of people agreeing with his position, that throwing out members with derision and marginalization is a good value for our leadership to hold, and actions to take against their fellow members when they don't agree with them. Really? 

He didn't name names, so there were some people who think we are friends who piled on me, their friend. Would they really throw me out? Anyone who knows any history at all has seen me in it. I would say there is a preponderance of evidence that I work for the common good, lead from the middle, and care deeply about what the members want and need, coming from a deep understanding of our membership. It was obvious that there are plenty of members who don't know who these three people are, and were willing to believe the false narrative that there are only three of us having problems. It's in the hundreds, folks, which is why the leadership is so desperate to put out this fire.

Nobody likes to be lied to and manipulated and used, but I do think the truth will come out. I see that credit for the financials was not given to the Treasurer who resigned after preparing them and doing so for free for two years. He was so quickly erased and his words not shared, that it astonishes me. He told me something no one is being told...the 2025 taxes have not yet been paid. Those were due at the end of our fiscal year, March 31st. (Edit: I think they are actually due July 15th so I was wrong that they're in arrears.) That should come out of 2025 income. So that financial statement is not exactly accurate. The previous year that happened took a result of "just" $30,000 in losses to $70,000. Yes, a deficit of $70,000. And no one was accountable for that, clear, obvious, mismanagement of our money by our manager. It is in the GM job description. That person in that position is accountable for that duty to keep us fiscally responsible. Not the volunteer Treasurer or the Budget Committee, who did their jobs. The "lead professional." And the Board Chair is the boss of that employee, so the Board is also responsible. 

So firing the GM has been on the table. It's not something that just came up from 3 people. The truth is we are operating beyond our means, and nothing is being done about it but a series of crippling fee raises. It sounds like a lot of people spoke about the fees and finances at the Town Hall, but we still don't have the leadership to address it beyond putting bandaids on it. Because everything is fine!

Everything is so not fine. Half the reserved members did not come yesterday, mostly because they prefer not to sell in iffy weather, and no doubt some members looked at the costs of gas, the raised fees, and their own increased materials costs and said no to what could have been a marginal selling day. We will see this more often, the higher the costs go. We are not in a normal situation that is going to be fixed by selling some branded merchandise, particularly since we don't have a skilled artist on staff to direct or create such merch. I know. I sold my own, created, produced, and paid for by me, for four years with no institutional support. I donated 50 to 100% of the money I made to the market, in 2020 through 2023, when I turned to donating 50% to the Kareng Fund instead, where the need was greater. I got not one post by the market celebrating said merch. Not one, even after I asked for it. Customers loved it. I donated more than $4000. 

I stopped making it and gave the rest away when I began to truly see how much vitriol was being directed at me by the so-called wonderful staff I was paying for. I know what they said, and are saying now, to make a narrative where I am deserving of banning from the community. I know what my reality is. I don't recognize the narrative where everything is fine. For whom?  

Members losing their member rights, being banned from selling, losing their investments, being coerced to sign loyalty pledges that only go one way (supporting staff, not members or the org in general) all know what is not fine. We are being slow-walked to our demise as an organization that ought to be above destruction, as important as it is to thousands of people in our city and region.

And, amidst that miasma of irony and pain, every Saturday we come and connect with our joy. We smile until we hurt, affirm our long, lifetime friendships and family relationships, as well as thr brand new ones, and keep growing together in harmony week by week as we have for all this time. We stand there, feet hurting, and give. And give, and receive to give some more. 

Artisans are among the most generous, loving people in the world, which comes from the way our hands fit our clay, our tools bite into our wood, our stitches line up in graceful lines and spirals. Our kids learn to bake, to make things, to appreciate the process of it and the sometimes awkward results as we work together and apart to make our world hold meaning that can be shared. The value doesn't even fully translate on a day like yesterday, when we struggled to do it in the disarray, the disorder, and the beautiful dissension that is free speech.

So maybe kicking out three or four people who care enough to speak up might be a little shortsighted. Don't just listen to me, though. Think for yourself. 

On Saturday, did you stand with the bullies, or the liberators? What flag are you waving? Mine looks like this: 

 And this:

Be Nice

 Sure, I will Be Nice because I am not a mean person and just have an informed opinion, despite being portrayed as (choose your own derogatory term.) I have not gone to a Board meeting since I resigned as Secretary in August 2024, so for the record, I am not disrupting anyone's experience. I wrote to the Board, as any member must when they feel the Board needs to hear from them, but was and expected to be ignored. Writing in a blog is my free speech right, so if you don't like my opinions, don't read them. 

I am not part of any group or aligned with any other person in my opinions. I base them on the facts I observe and believe to be true. I don't want to argue with anyone, push my view on them, or in any way disrupt the natural flow of market from which we all benefit. I do not go around on Saturdays stirring up dissension. I respect my neighbors and fellow crafters and I keep my rants to this space, to allow us all to sell beside each other. I would participate in Board meetings again if I felt that truth was being told and the values I hold were being honored. I trust a couple of people are still trying to work that way, but the org as a whole is not. I refuse to engage with the people who have bullied me. 

I was prompted to write mostly by the resignation of our FOURTH Treasurer since this manager was hired, as well as four Assistant Managers and a qualified Promotions Manager. That's just the highlight of our staffing picture. All of the Treasurers, when asked, said the job was overwhelming, and all of them were doing the GM job for free while she got paid bigger and bigger bucks, far beyond what any of us earn, with a Gold Plan health insurance, far better than any of us probably have. Her daughter is also on that Gold Plan. We simply cannot afford to support this level of benefits while also being mismanaged in myriad ways. And the org has been unable to convince anyone to be Secretary, despite stripping out all of the oversight duties and the membership support that a Secretary must provide to keep the org lawful, communicative, and to keep the public record accurate and true. That is a whole post on its own and I've written it a few times now. So someone yelling at us to volunteer when things are in this state is not the tone that will help. 

Defend the staff all you want. I'm not anti-staff at all, in fact I am pro-staff. I just want a certain level of competence, harmony, and leadership for my fees. I notice the Chair's letter did not address any of the possible motivations for three (only three, such a small percentage of members) people calling for the replacement of the lead professional. Please note, I have never wanted the Membership Coordinator to be replaced. Let's not confuse the drama with the truth. Sadly, she trained herself and has never worked under a really good manager, so if she did leave out of loyalty I would not be happy, but I would hope for her if she did, to work under someone good at their job next time. 

The Treasurer who resigned spelled out a few issues that he had in mind. I give you his statement:  

5/6/2026 I am resigning as Saturday Market budget committee chair and treasurer effective immediately. I would like to share with you my reasons: 

• In the past Saturday Market staff have done our accounting, usually the manager. Now, staff do basic bookkeeping and data entry, but critical financial, budgeting, and accounting information used to run the business is lacking. The staff and board are relying on volunteers to do what should be staff work. The volunteer treasurer puts in the hours and then meets with the budget committee. They discuss the numbers and make recommendations to the board. Sometimes the board votes against the recommendations when they’re difficult and/or unpopular with management and staff. The budget committee is doing their job, but the board is ignoring the recommendations. 

• We can’t keep raising fees to spend more money. What about our stated mission to encourage new artists? 

• Nepotism exists on our staff. It’s understandable we want to hire those we care about, but nepotism is wrong. It is illegal. It makes honest discussion about ever growing payroll and staffing impossible. And we need to have those honest discussions. 

• I volunteer to contribute my skills and time to a cause I love and to feel good about contributing to a larger purpose. I feel from a financial standpoint we are heading for trouble, and I don’t want to be part of that.

He submitted his statement respectfully but the Chair did not address any of his concerns, but I didn't expect that either. I have a few more reasons, including that anyone who has a different opinion than the Board Chair is vilified, marginalized, and portrayed as a threat or a terrible force that must be shunned. We have over 600 members. One might expect a few different opinions, and a few members willing to put those opinions into the common discourse. One might expect the occasional member who would like to see people held accountable for unethical things they did, or see staff held to their job descriptions, as a minimal expectation of performance. That wouldn't be drama, under real professionals. That would be a discussion of facts, with reasons, and reform if needed. See what happened to the police officer who had a racist discussion? Unacceptable. Yet our manager told one of our esteemed members that she hadn't written a letter she submitted, because her English wasn't good enough. Please note that none of our current staff is bilingual. If there is a language barrier (which there wasn't in that clear and heartfelt letter) than it is on the org, not the members. 

We have a Board, a Personnel Committee, a bit of a Budget Committee left, and some small but I am sure dedicated to their tasks Committees such as HM, Sustainability, and Standards. I have no doubt that most of those volunteers are working hard and doing what needs to be done. As someone who volunteered for most of my 51 years, I know how these things work. I've worked with maybe 20 managers. I've never worked in an atmosphere this toxic. I know just what has been said about me in the office, after instead of thanks after 15 years of hard service, I "left them in the lurch." That was the mildest thing. The office is a professional place where members should never be discussed as gossip, or targets of humiliation and marginalization. I could go on, but this situation is not about me, it's about dozens of members. Not three. Many have gone away rather than deal with this toxicity. 

Not only is my opinion not welcome, I am at risk of retaliation for sharing it, and dismissed with a blanket disapproval of my character, intentions, and hard work for decades. I've been treated much better than a lot of people, so I suppose I should be grateful for that. I have, however, been used, manipulated, lied to, and bullied for the last four years, something that never happened to me in all of the previous decades. Sometimes I had to be the one to stand in the fray, and fire managers who of course had support and people who loved them. We don't all think alike. 

But when it comes to hiring, retaining, and training the good management we are paying for, and deserve, I pitched in to put that in place with my whole heart, and hundreds, maybe thousands of my volunteer hours. I am not deserving of the general vilification of those who disagree and have the courage to take steps that are unpopular. I don't care about popularity. No one is deserving of that treatment for volunteering. It is hard, with many choices that are practical, tough, and needed. Drama about hurt feelings is not a professional response to a professional situation. Drama is now our go-to whenever anything happens. It is driving people away who would make excellent contributions if allowed and respected. The contempt is daunting and undeserved.

I care about affordable fees, benefits, salaries, and the protection of volunteers and other members from manipulation, lies, and attacks on their characters. Not everyone has to think or do things the same way. Discussions are supposed to include diverse opinions and dissent. That is how good policy and decisions are made. Pushing everyone out of the room, taking away their selling rights and community, and vilifying people who have the same rights to their opinions as everyone else, is a losing strategy that will get none of our problems solved. 

Serving the market is not about honor and power and railing against people who disagree as if opinions were threats. Opinions are just that. Being afraid to think for yourself, express yourself honestly according to your observations, and speak about things that need improvement is dysfunctional for a membership organization, and a far cry from anyone's experience in all of our history. 

We've had struggles. There have been things only a few saw or heard and no one wants to bring up, that didn't go well. They become history. It's important that people are honest. Please think for yourself. 

We don't have to take our life advice from Thumper. Nice is not the right goal, to my mind. It falls far short of what is coming from those who would have us shut up. When are they going to start being nice to people who disagree with them?   

Fire the GM

 A call has gone out to fire the GM. It actually didn't go that far, but I pushed it forward. This is the time. There are sufficient grounds, proof, and a preponderance of evidence. 

The entire market is being bullied by one person and what she has put in place. Fees are being raised beyond affordability to pay her and her daughter hefty salaries and benefits that they do not earn. Their skill sets are far lower than the ones needed for these jobs. Everyone feels like a captive in a nightmare.

I'm amazed at the courage of those who are speaking up. And so grateful. I ask myself why I have not railed more often about these issues, why I just took the role of witness without solutions. We should perhaps all ask ourselves that. Fear of retaliation is big, so we need to make sure that all of us stand together so no one is singled out.

The entire Eugene community is aware of all this. Many have been waiting for someone to bring it to light. Pay attention.

Founder's Day

 

I found this poster, folded up and a bit dirty, in Lotte's boxes of archives she gave me. This was the original, first market in 1970. It's astonishing really. I am not sure who made it, though I have one name that is probably the artist, who was a printmaker at the time. Sign your work, people.  Archivists will appreciate it. 

I used to make a huge deal out of our annual birthday, and when the archives were first being organized, I would bring a full tote of them down to market, with tables and tablecloths and flowers and a whole display which first was on the deck, and then in the space next to me, when I was in the little space that is now #132. I'd leave some products home and engage with people all day instead of doing my regular job of selling. It was super fun. 

Back then it was not common knowledge that we started in 1970, or that the farmers sold with us, or any of what we know now that the archives are organized and I've taken notes so I can locate items of interest. The actual archives of the 70s and 80s are locked in the office and presumably you can go and look through them. I also archived the farmers market, before and after they became LCFM, though I see now they have gone back to the false narrative that they started over 100 years ago. There was an 11 year gap between the Producers' Market of old and the bringing back of produce downtown spearheaded by Lotte and her friends and supported for the first 15 years by our market members. The actual LCFM launched in 1979 when the County got interested in helping them. They put out a bid for a sponsor, and Saturday Market was the only one who stepped up. I've given up trying to get them to give that correct history, but someday that book could be written. 

Here are a few photos of the Founder's Day efforts I made back when I was supported in these things. Back before I was undermined and attacked and suspected of all kinds of things by people who wanted me to be little and meek. Back when we had trust and excellent inclusive values in our market. 

 

Kareng Fund Success!

 The Kareng Fund /Caring fund successfully requested a grant from the Jill Heiman Vision Fund of OCF. We and four other nonprofits will receive funds in the fall for our work supporting basic needs. The amount will depend on how much the Vision Fund receives in donations, so while I have always supported the JHVF, I will drop a bigger percentage into that wooden box across the path at Community Village Info. You can find boxes at Info Booths all around the Fair during the event and can also of course donate through OCF at any time. You can find them at https://www.oregoncountryfair.org/about-ocf/philanthropy/philanthropy-vision/ 

In addition, we won a part in the Amplify program just implemented by the Eugene Weekly. We got two free ads, and help with our other ads, so we can let you all know about Art Bingo and help our event to grow and magnify your support. I personally love the Weekly deeply and read it in print every week, plus keep it in the archives when we are mentioned, or any of the other groups I archive are mentioned, or advertise. Support the Weekly! We're so lucky to have great local journalism. And they are trying to stay afloat, buy their building, and train up young writers and artists so just because it is a free paper does not mean you can't give money to them. They are worth it!

And direct donations are always welcome to the Kareng Fund. You can do that at our website,  www.karengfund.org  or to any Board member of the KF (me, Alex, Dru, Dave, Fiona, Bill, Julia, Brandi and sue.) We can be trusted to see that your donations will make it to artisans in need.

We have worked hard at being a responsible, real nonprofit. The only money we really spend outside of grants is to the Center for Nonprofit Law, our agent, who makes sure we don't mess anything up and who is available for our questions. We did spend funds to get the 501c3 designation and to be tax-exempt, and it was money well spent. All of the current directors at the time were trained, by the experts, and we received a lot of training and managing materials to support us, which we share with new directors when we appoint them. It's not all that complicated, but it is essential to us to be trustworthy with your donations of cash and in-kind materials. We do buy raffle tickets and some promotional materials but for things like the Guidebook ad and others,  our Board members generally make personal donations to do that for us. And like good Board members, we put in the volunteer time to make our fund grow and serve. 

We do depend on donations, which generally come from those in the market and fair community, but we need to expand our reach, so if you know people who like to support artisans, pitch it to them. Every dollar helps someone you might even know who is having a hard time. We've given over $130,000 in our twenty-two years. I find that remarkable. Alex wants us to give away a million. It's good to have goals. 

We have printed receipt forms, that will be signed by an officer, for you to use for your tax-deductible donations. I will clarify that not everything is tax-deductible, and you should check with your tax preparer and tax law if you are unsure. Cash donations are fully deductible within the limits of how you prepare your taxes. When you donate a craft, that is what is called an in-kind donation, and a part of that is deductible. When you buy a raffle ticket or an item at the Pottery Smash, and receive something in return for your money, only part of that is deductible. You can deduct the amount of value of your donation that exceeds the value of the craft itself. Logically, you deduct the part you did not get something in return for. Most times, at the Smash for instance, or with the basket, you received far more in material value than you spent. All of that info is widely available online or from the IRS or a tax preparer. 

But most of that is between you and your tax preparer and the IRS. Be assured that we follow all of the steps at our end to be legal, so please ask me for a receipt if you want one. For your envelope donations, if you are a member of SM, you should be getting a receipt from the market that shows your amount,  and you can use that, with our IRS number, (which is on our website, and is 46-1198603.) I will still be glad to give you a form, so please ask. Saturday Market staff used to give those receipts at the market office but I am not sure if they still do; it seems to be inconsistent. Supposedly it is on your profile, but I can't access mine, so your mileage may also vary. Keep those weekly receipts. 

Like all nonprofits, we are transparent with our practices and finances, although the grant process is confidential. We won't tell you who has received a grant, or why. If you apply, that information is safe with us. If the grant recipient wants to give us a testimonial, that is welcome, but we are all committed to keeping your private business private. We don't disclose our donors either, unless it is public information like our recent grants from the OCF and from the Weekly. Nonprofits are required to file forms, the CT-12 and the 990, to show what their accountability is, and for the raffle I fill out a stupidly long form once a year to make sure I am aware of all the raffle laws and requirements, supervised by the Oregon Department of Justice. And pay a registration fee. At the level of our proceeds, this is actually more than is legally required, but I do it anyway, because we have nothing to hide, and there is always a chance someone will take us over that $10,000 level by dropping a giant check into the raffle collections. You just never know. 

For the last three years, we have been undermined and micro-aggressed by the market staff. Now it has devolved to us being accused of fraud. We would never consider doing anything fraudulent with other people's money. I trust the entire KF Board and Friends who have assisted us, so if you hear this nasty rumor, check the source. 

Operating by trust has always been the artisan culture way, and that hasn't changed, although when besieged by predators it can seem foolish and naive. Remember that the crime is not in the trust, but in the predation. Support your artisan community. You may not need help now, but there may come a time, and anyone who thinks to destroy this asset we have built must be stopped and shunned. 

So many people are genuine and good. That's the world I want to live in, and I'll never stop working to do my part to preserve and protect it. Thank you for joining with me in that. Let's leverage these generous organizations in amplifying and increasing the good, and keep moving forward in co-creating the world that serves us all best. 

A Weekend that Spilled Over

 Life is too full sometimes. Market last week was perfect in so many ways, but that part that is not visible on Saturdays to most people is still operating even while we pretend otherwise. Another member was punished in a secret process that resulted in a suspension of selling rights. In the past we protected selling rights for everyone not involved in a serious crime, recognizing that not only is that our main mission and reason for existing, to provide selling space for our members, but that our members have the right to a fair and reasonable process for the times they do make mistakes or get caught up in something that curtails other members' rights. In this Punishment Era, things move swiftly with some people having already predetermined the guilt and outcome before everyone has the chance to participate in a process that honors everyone involved. People make mistakes. They still deserve respect and finding solutions that won't just make things worse. That was increasingly Then and this is disappointingly Now. 

I was trying to explain our traditional culture to someone who hasn't been seeing it, which is a sad part of my present as I feel somewhat sure it is lost in so many ways. Many of us who carry it forward are not being able to convey it, with the false narratives and the short-sighted actions of others who are dominating the org right now. After yesterday I feel more compelled to ramp up fighting for it. I remember that I made a promise to Lotte to bring her legacy forward, and I can't let that drop.  

It was a life-affirming day though, perfect weather and lots of appreciative participants of every kind. I rode home much lighter and had an event to be at by 7:00 pm, which is generally when I get finished, but I ended up having plenty of time to walk down there and enjoy it in a relaxed way. I was so glad I made the effort. A delightful friend launched her book with a layered experience that she had lined up for all of us. She brilliantly staged the violin, drums and recorders, as well as a second poet and a dancer, all around the audience so we felt asked to be part of things, not just observers of them. She even had a comment period at the end where many of us spoke our appreciation and reflections of her nuanced expressions. It was lovely and I walked home with a smile and some cookies that made up for the fact that I had been too busy at the market to get my usual cookies for the week. I'm savoring them slowly.

Sunday was quiet dishwashing time until I went to a memorial for my dear friend George, a 50-year friend who, as it turns out, I knew much less of than I thought. He was revealed as a person who made a special connection with all of us, so that we knew how much we had to contribute and felt honored and supported to do that. His legacy was so strong that it will persist as not many individuals will after their bodies are used up. The stories were not enough, just glimpses, and we had cards to write more for a book I can't wait to read. Still we won't hear everything. I won't tell everything I know, though I've written about our friendship before over the years and may still have more to say.

I remembered that he had built me my first bike cart! I had forgotten that I asked him to do that after my idea for a cart that would make itself into a booth didn't really work out in 1976. He welded me up an aluminum and steel very serviceable cart I used for years. Since I still or again bike to the market, which I have done for the majority of my time selling, his support created a lasting planetary effect. We saved thousands of gallons of fossil fuels over my 51-year retail lifespan. And of course there were ripples. 

I was kind of in the fringes of his big circle but I was his signpainter and screenprinter for most of our history, and he was my longest collaborator. No one really spoke about the fabulous treehouse which is painted like a Romany wagon in the sky, which I painted a lot of gold One-Shot onto, twice. He let me choose the designs and set me free. The first time it took 80 hours and we hadn't discussed money, so I made myself charge him $10 an hour even though that sounded outrageous, and as usual, he never questioned my bill. The second time was just a couple of years ago and a lovely space of time when I was at his house daily watching and being in his life, a time I will treasure. I did it for the cost of materials, so free. I was honored to do that. I was paid in a few peaches, some glorious summer days and a peaceful, enriching space in my life for my memory bank.

To me we had a deep love without attachment or expectations, which is the ideal I reach for in relationships, just love, no complications. No desire, no suffering, the space to disagree or adjust to events and still love. It prompted me to share with a friend who agreed..."I will never be mad at you." Could be true, and if we say it out loud like that there is a bigger chance we can keep it true. I've talked about being lifetime friends with a few people and it didn't always hold, although since life is not over, and distance is allowed, those statements of trust might still hold firm. I suppose they are as firm as my ability to hold compassion and forgiveness and hope. I think we're good there.

I generally need a non-verbal day on Sundays so I faded out of the parties before saying proper goodbyes and missed speaking with a few loved ones, but I'll take the next chance to make sure they know I learned something from George and from Kelly. I'm not a natural collaborator...too impatient for the work to get done and laughably selfish and attached to pride in productive work. But they always show me how, by example, and in George's case, he spread that so thickly in his world that it isn't going to be even faded for some time. I got some gladiolus bulbs to plant from their generous sharing so I'll have one more tangible thing left. We will all have many tangible leftovers from his walk among us. 

I still have room and I hope, time, to improve and plan to work at it. As I am capable of doing less physically, I can do more in other ways to make sure my work is honorable, less selfish, and more thoughtful of others. I got lucky when we sat at that poker table so many years ago, and our magnetic attraction had a place to start. We were six months apart, a Scorpio and a Taurus with Scorpio rising, and I believe we harnessed that well. Mostly because of how he challenged me to learn and try, and how he honored me with his trust and support. Even when we disagreed we could see that it hadn't shaken our basis. 

I didn't know he had said goodbye to me but now I see that he had, one day at the market, and if I look back in my journal I'll bet I knew it then. His last few years included a fragility so I knew every time was precious, however brief. He's really my first big friendship loss, not the first loss of course, but the biggest. When I learned he had died I dreamed I was riding on the back of his motorcycle off into wherever, and truthfully, I think I would have followed him anywhere. Along with a large crowd of what can only be described as "us."

He walked among us. Strong and humble, brave. Someone quoted him as saying "If the unknown scares you, get to know it." I'm just going to look forward to continuing to hear from him as he gently fades into whatever his project is at the moment. Making my gladiolus bloom I hope, in some surprising color. 

Drenched, but still happy

 Yes indeed we all got drenched at about 3:00 pm but until then it was a lovely day with sun and plenty of customers. I think sales were pretty good, because there were maybe a third of the booths, clustering together more, and that spread sales farther around. You could see people going around more than once, seeming to be looking for something to buy, for whatever reasons. One guy was carrying flowers and seemed especially pleased so I asked him if it was his birthday, and it was. He was carrying too many things so I gave him a bag, because I knew it would allow him to buy more, which he looked like he wanted to do. And it worked, as he had actually been considering a hat. I was careful to tell him I hadn't known that and didn't do it to get his business, and I didn't. I just hate to see people carrying everything awkwardly and not connecting that with the obvious need for a carrying assist. 

I could give away a lot of bags but am trying hard not to. I'm nearly out of the regular bags and won't be replacing them with commercially made ones. I'll have black bags and small ones for a longer time, so will focus on them and making my load lighter. I saw a woman who had on a shirt of an iris that I had made in the 80's! It was really surprisingly beautiful and she said she hadn't worn it, but found it in her drawers and brought it out. It would make a stunning tote bag so I will see if I can find the old art. I know I would have saved it, or at least a paper print I could make new art from. 

We had some fun conversations about art yesterday. One of the upsides of slower days is more conversing with other artists, birders, botanists, and many types of appreciators. Market is such a lovely place to receive guests and I treasure that social day once a week. The rain can't spoil that although of course it did remove all the customers from the mix. It was especially wet. I had to spread everything out in my shop to dry, every bag and hat, and it is nicely sunny today so I could put the popup and sides and weights outside for a few hours. Those weights seem to never dry. I think I brought home at least ten pounds of water in place of a few pounds of hats I sold. 

I was even wet through my rain pants which I don't remember experiencing before. At least we had a pretty dry setup period which makes the rest work fine. I don't mind as much getting wet at the end of the day, with all of my treats ready for later and all of the satisfaction tucked away. I know I will be going home to a dry and warm house and that makes me feel very lucky.

Got some choice gossip but it's mostly kind of depressing. Apparently many of our young staff does not get any training on how to behave in the workplace or in their off hours with their coworkers. I won't repeat any stories as none of them were firsthand, but an hour or two of expectations and a different setting of the professional atmosphere would greatly benefit these workers as I hope they do not carry those behaviors on to their next jobs. We've lost so much from the days when we did actual hiring processes and didn't have a toxic workplace that members avoid and find out later that they've been roundly trashed in by people they are paying with their hard-earned sales. Where is the Personnel Committee and Board in this scenario where we are now known as a place you would definitely not want to be employed? 

One thing that seems to be not reaching those in power is that we live in a small town. All of the artisan communities are connected, with hundreds of us knowing each other, working together, sharing studios and selling next to each other in shows all over the region and in many other places in our own town. You know it is said that 90% of people will talk about their negative experiences and a much smaller percentage will talk about the positive ones. Yes many of us love the market in many ways and promote it and have worked for it, but those glowing testimonials are falling flat when everyone can see that something is terribly wrong.

The food court is now marked up with irregular pink and black paint lines that must look shocking for the six days a week that market is not there. I remember being horrified when a Tuesday market food booth set up on our stage and left grease stains there. All of the safety paint on the irregularities of the sidewalks are sort of excusable, but the idea that the park is practically owned by market is so short-sighted and sad. It is the premier and only downtown park, used by many residents and visitors to downtown. I have always maintained that the city should be able to use it in the ways that serve the city, as long as we can negotiate with them about our needs and make sure we are collaborating on the best use of the space. I complained loudly when a Sunday Streets event marked up the west block with paint for two days, marks that lasted for a very long time. I wish we had a lot more collaboration and that I was still in communication with City staff, as I noticed yesterday as I stood in a puddle along with most people in our neighborhood, that the sidewalk cracks had been filled with asphalted gravel, which meant they no longer drained rain toward the fountain, or anywhere. I bring a broom, but there was too much water yesterday to sweep, and in my space I would be sweeping it into my neighbors' booths. But I can't just email the city and ask them to think about drainage again. I even have a map of the lakes that form I could share with them.

Oh well, just one thing. The poor new food booth had to wait until 11:30 for the ribbon across their front counter to be cut, and looked closed for the busiest morning hours of their first day. Removing it would have been the first thing I did in the morning, but they are new and I'm sure were wanting to start off complying, no matter how confusing that was. It feels repeatedly that no one is thoughtful about the members' ability to make sales, that no one really cares about anything except our payments, which must increase despite the increasing difficulty of our existences. We've lost the real "heart of Beth" as we used to call it, the empathy and knowledge of our experience that leads to decisions that work for the members and not just the org. They're not even working for the org anymore. Policies are having to be made for specific instances, sometimes for one person, for things that used to be understood, with no need to be widespread. Like the letter we got, everyone got, by email that they say they can only use so often, to tell us all to be nice at Holiday Market. We are nice. We are some of the nicest, most mutually supportive people you can find anywhere. Some people in power just do not know us, and aren't trying to know us anymore. They have a warped view of our special place and our amazing culture.

But the worst news I heard yesterday was at farmers. They voted, by a member vote even, to eliminate their seniority system. I'm not sure if they got any benefits out of it except for space allocations, and am not sure how any points they used were counted. I have a memory at one point of how much money you made and paid being integrated into that seniority, but I can't be sure if I got that right, as I'm not a member. But for people like the Bergs, and others, who have invested their lives in the organization, they were disenfranchised. Farmers started long before they became LCFM in 1979, selling with us from the very beginning. Some were even generational farmers, having connections to the old Producers Market that ended in 1959. Farms tend to stay in families if possible. So those older folks just got pushed out by the new and younger folks, who of course voted out that system they weren't benefitting from yet. It would be like taking away all of our member points, which only go back to when points started anyway, which was in the 80s.

Member votes are manipulated and we've seen that happen too, when everyone got to join the survey about closing for a week in November, even those who didn't sell then and had no real stake in the issue. I lost an important selling day, and I'm still shocked by the wording of that survey, pitched as "if you love your staff, you will vote to close." It was the first time I really saw the manipulative ability of this GM and how she would be using it, and I did complain, passionately, about being manipulated. But now it is the norm. Check out the newsletter cartoon. Prepare to be ridiculed if you have an opinion.

It has been that way. Membership organizations are different from other businesses. I also found out that no farmers got to vote on closing at 2:00...and they don't like it. They lost an hour of sales and the long setups and short selling hours just hurt them. I feel like it is a result of adding a Springfield market and stretching their staff out, so they have to cut selling hours to manage their work hours. That's backwards for a membership organization. We are also going in that direction, having lost any sense of balance about who benefits from decisions and policies. This is tragic. I feel for the farmers. There was already a lot of space assignment without choice, and we saw that at Holiday Market too. We saw Standards erosion to fill those HM spaces, and the minutes where the Standards Committee was informed of that choice, were never published. The Chair soon quit. Standards, arguably our most important committee, is also captured now. 

I hope the people who have the power to take our market back wake up soon and do it. There are now so many facets to work on that it is becoming a daunting task. I can't do it. What can you do? Must be something. We have an election in June, coming right up.  

A Rainy Market

 Yes, tomorrow looks like a wet day, though there might be a break from 9 to noon so that will work great for those of us who can still go. I debated becoming a "fair weather market" person this season, as taking the popup and weights is a lot harder on my body, but I think I'll do it anyway. There is a certain comraderie on the wet days and the bills still need to be paid.

Things are heavy around the blocks. There seems to be a lot of shock about the fee increases, and many that I spoke to on Opening Day, a glorious weather day, were not selling well at all. One woman sold one card. One man sold nothing until way past noon, and then very little. I did well, and others did too, but it was not widespread. Mostly the first few weeks are about the food booths, anyway, as people come again for their favorites and spend their money there. I looked back at last year and I was making more, but it's too soon to assess my own trends for the season. 

Virtually all of our customers are feeling the economic pinch that is worldwide, still unfolding, and scary as can be. Tourism is down at least 25% and will be impacted for years. Costs are up for every craft, if materials are even available. Metal costs for jewelers are fluid, but investing in silver and gold must be hard when you don't know what your sales will be like. Everything is up. My costs are up 25% for materials, inks, and art supplies. 

I believe the market is making a serious mistake pushing more of the problem onto members. It is the job of leadership and management to find ways to support the members, not just the staff. Increasing our sales with fresh new and well-done promotions is a no-brainer. We're still using things from 2018 in our published ads and promotions. Depending on some unending supply of new crafters is not a strategy that will work when they are at the same time being priced out of selling. It will only take a few weeks of bad sales to make a person quit or just come less frequently. Gas costs are going to be a huge problem for people.  

And Holiday Market costs going up another 10% is just not going to have the desired effect. Even I may considering skipping weekends, though to be honest I don't know if I can afford to. If my sales go down consistently over the season though, I may have to. A half-empty hall is going to be visible evidence of a decline that we won't be able to tell shiny stories about. It was always a risk to take on the extra hall and now the Atrium. What it looked like was that a lot of standards were relaxed to bring in a lot of the new booths, and that erosion takes away what makes us different from any of the many other markets and venues that shoppers can access. They don't need us. We need them. People noticed that we tried to force out Bill Sullivan's artists and authors event. It was a poor reflection on our community care aspect. 

Having higher quality and that direct connection between the maker and appreciator is our strength. That is what is meaningful to people and why they love us. This will just become harder to keep in play if we grow too large and disconnected from that strength that has sustained us through many hard times. We mean something to people. That is what we have to nurture and we absolutely must draw on our experience and history to be consistent with that. New is not always better. 

I have work to do today so can't elaborate on the poor management of the first market of the season...the smoke in the food court is something that should not have happened. It was blowing right into the customers' faces...did no one remember that our prevailing winds are from the west? That's true nearly every week. This was a big issue with DeFrisco back in the day, and they had to put in high smokestacks and do other mitigating things, plus be in a location that minimized harm. These are things that are not "lost" to history. They live in our memories of all of the problem-solving we have done over the fifty-seven seasons and we have plenty of people who hold those memories. They just feel silenced and disrespected so they don't bother to try to help and become targets for retaliation. 

We can't afford this poor management. I know some are stuck in the sunk cost fallacy and think we can't make a change, but we must make a change. We are paying for excellent management in our salaries and benefits. We deserve to have it. This has gone beyond any historical times when we wanted to retain staff to the degree that we put up with things going wrong. Way too many things are going wrong. You don't have to believe me...do your own survey. 

And thank you in advance for coming tomorrow. It is almost never worse than the predictions...every market day is worth experiencing. If I had the time I would have written one of those glowing posts about the enriching, satisfying experience of last week's sunny market. There were so many wonderful moments. 

It is such a joy to have our market. I know I will still believe that tomorrow evening at 7:00 when I am finally finished and can sit down and get into some dry socks and comfy clothes so I can fall asleep in the recliner. I have become a person who takes naps. I am sure I will need one. 

 

 

Next? Who's next?

 Rough week for me...exhausted after all that effort in the Jell-O Art Show; I worked too hard on props, which looked fantastic, and should have memorized my cues harder. I also had a costume malfunction, which seems the norm for me. I guess doing these things once a year leaves me rusty. It showed. I was slow, needed help, and although people did help me, (packing the car for me afterwards was a completely stellar effort by several people who were really good at it!) I did not meet my own approval, performance-wise. Next year, a less pivotal role perhaps.

But that is over. It took all day Sunday to put it all away, and there are still a few things to wrap up. Today I am expecting a huge shirt delivery. It's rainy, and I was planning to sort things on the sidewalk to fit them into my small space with a minimum of lifting, but it's too wet. I thought about putting up the popup, for some protected space, but it's gusty winds too and we all know how that can go. Plus, then I have wet weights, sides, and the popup to somehow fit into the space so it can all dry. Just have to wait and see how it plays out.

The Board is meeting tonight. There are still topics I should weigh in on, but giving my opinion seems to make things worse, so I'll just stick with this little tiny soapbox. They selected, out of all the possible food booths that might have applied (no one mentioned how many applicants there were) a second Thai food booth and sited it right next to Bangkok Grill. There is a serious duplication policy still on the books, and their menu of "grilled proteins" seems in violation, as we already can purchase grilled chicken, tofu, pork, and beef (at the Afghani booth.) So...guess we'll see how that plays out. It seems in bad faith toward two booths with over-40 year family investments who will have to absorb direct competition. Not how anything was ever done before. 

The other booth, deep-fried wontons, might compete with the other deep-fried foods, but maybe not so much. Anyway, I guess these members are on their own to make it work. Publicity featured the new booths, as it has for the last several years. Today I even read that staff said "We're not going to run out of artists!" which I think is core to what some of the current policies are based on. Raising prices beyond the means of new people or older people is okay, because someone will come along to replace them. Kicking out members the staff or Board can't control or dominate is okay, because there will be new members who can be sucked in until they too become inconvenient. Sigh.

For those of us who have our lives wrapped up in this increasingly unprofitable enterprise, it looks daunting. Another fee increase in June, and HM up another 10%? That's what is being discussed or is already voted in. Everyone I talk to has seen a decline in sales. Without great promotions we don't even look fun and interesting...promotions are supposed to bring us new customers and entice people who might have lost interest. So far I have seen one blurry FB post of a poster that just looks the same as the last few. We need professionals!

The reality is that we are in a decline and those are tough to reverse, without some substantial, visible improvement that draws participants. More of the same is not what will help us right now. Hopefully we will get lucky with weather, won't have to cancel for fires and smoke intrusions, and the mere fact that we are at the center of town will work for us. We'll get some help from farmers, after helping them draw for so long, as they take over our longstanding role of the community gathering place. Let's hope it's real help that doesn't end at 2:00 pm, their new closing time. We will stay open until 4:00 so if people stay with us, maybe it won't be a big change for us.

It's discouraging to feel like there aren't discussions going on about how to mitigate our challenges, but I'm just hoping they are and not making it into the minutes. I have to pass on commenting on the lack of a Secretary and proposal to strip the responsibilities and duties out of the position. Obviously there is a lot that particular officer does for the membership organization that cannot be done by staff and will not be done. There's an oversight role that keeps the org legal and functional with the bylaws and laws of the state and federal government, that brings forward lessons learned from the past, that keeps the org consistent with its values, but it seems that responsibility ended with me and it doesn't look like it will come back any time soon. I was thwarted by a staff that wouldn't support or respect those roles, and that staff is still in place, so the next person would have a slog to even get back to half of what I did.

The organization, the membership, suffers this loss. It's similar to the macrocosm: what will be lost for the short term, and what will not be recoverable? What will take decades to restore? It's a tragedy I will have to just live with as I doubt I will be around to see any restoration. Then again, I am not one to stop hoping.  I've seen a lot of phases in the fifty years I've been there at the tables. It's living and breathing.

Meanwhile, I'm listening for the big truck and the wind and rain and trying to be ready for it. This is likely my last year for this level of work. I've thought that before, and kept going, so I wouldn't want to carve that in stone, but at some point I generally go from still trying to accepting reality. I don't know...reality is so harsh. Where did I put those rose-colored glasses? 

 

Can't Write When It's Like This

 Rule number two for me is don't write when you are upset. (Rule number one is Be Honest.) so I'll just say a few small things.

One, the SM Budget Committee did its job and presented the Board with a balanced budget for the next year, as well as a year-end financial statement, and they are both well-prepared and informative for anyone who takes the time to study them. I gave them a once-over but I am way too busy for the analysis I usually give those, so that will have to wait. No one really wants to hear what I think anyway. I'm happy to even just see them. The work isn't done as there are some problematic proposals on the table for the Board to sort through, and some conditions that are still not going to help anyone thrive, but at least there is a semblance of a plan and an assurance that some people are looking with skill at the financial picture. 

Two, The US is insolvent and crushed and the rage and grief are overwhelming. I can't think about it. I have a show to produce and manage and be in, and am wildly trying to finish up the props and other tasks and learn all my important cues. Sorry, world, I have these little tiny responsibilities to help fund an art gallery with my energy and I have to honor that commitment. Never mind that the whole world is burning up and won't stop until we are all cringing in the ashes hoping we can somehow survive it. Sorry, breaking rule number two, so I'll stop. 

Three, the sun is out, though it is cold. All of my cherry and pear trees are in complete, full bloom and it is glorious around here. Bees are attending and squirrels will never be able to eat every blossom so it might just be a year I get some cherries. The tulips are overlapping the daffodils and the quince is still blooming while everything else pops out early and if it didn't all say El Nino and climate emergency, I'd be happy as can be. If I had time to sit on the deck and take it in, I would.

Four, I had an incredible dream last night. Something occurred that made everyone emotionally honest and transparent all of a sudden. People in romantic fantasies saw through them. Liars stopped lying. You could look at a person, see their inner honesty, and even make wry jokes with them that didn't offend, just gave a shared empathy that anyone could access and go forward with as a shield and sword. It was a transformation beyond imagination. Mistakes were set aside. Everyone had the skills they needed and the confidence and strength to succeed in every way. I rushed from person to person with extreme joy and hope. I think I might have experienced death, in a way. Everyone felt a perfect love, though of course words are inadequate to describe it. And then I woke up. 

The kitty was cold and wanted to be fed. The show loomed and my anxiety shot through the roof. I had emails I could barely read without crying.

I just don't think Jell-O Art can fix this. But...I will give it my best effort. Last year it was a battle. This year it is a Jamboree. Perhaps next year, a Jubilee. We need one. 

 

More fee increases? Any other ideas?

 I just have to say rather quickly that I find it shocking that the market will have another fee increase this June. These rapid increases are at a time when everyone is suffering from the world situation that will make literally everything more expensive. Our micro businesses are generally fragile in that all of our income depends upon our individual ability to make and sell our products. So many things can get in our way, from supply issues, energy costs, and domestic survival costs to the kinds of small crises that to an individual artisan tend to be debilitating. One month of lower income can put a person out of their rental, out of their studio, or out of luck.

The market is supposed to be the safety net for hundreds of people. Many of us do not have adequate resources, adequate health insurance, or any way to make money if we cannot work. This is just the worst time to increase our fees, and it looks and feels extremely insensitive. Nothing in the letter saying that the Budget Committee was unanimous looks like an effort to cut costs, to trim spending to fit the reality, or to ask for and find alternate solutions for us except yet another fee increase.

Let's say you sell fairly well and make an average of $300 in sales, with a reserve booth. In 2022, you would have paid on opening day your $50 membership, your $150 reserve fee, and your $15 plus 10%, for a start-up cost of $245. This year you will have paid $85 for membership, $200 for your reserve fee, and $20 for your space, for a start-up cost of $335. That is a 37% increase. And in June that cost will increase another $5, so that in 2027 it will be $340. If there are not even more increases. Yes, your start up costs are spread over the year, but you still have to come up with them in the spring to be a member in good standing. Which could become important if you need to ask for a leave, or any other special arrangement. And in June you're going to have to register for HM. We've seen outrageous increases there as well. 

Even the 4x4s are not getting a break. To start up in 2022, you would have paid your $50 membership, and would pay $8 plus 10%, and if you were lucky enough to even get a space, and make that $300, you would pay $88 just to sell that first day. That is already a 29% fee. This year, you will pay a start-up cost of $85, plus the $40 for a total of $125. If you made that $300, you will pay 42% in fees. That is just untenable. Plus I'm guessing not a lot of 4x4s make $300. I hope they do but you can't fit much inventory in that small space on the perimeter. 

Every time we used to contemplate a fee increase in the past, I would make a chart showing the possibilities, so that we could see what the fees would look like for all of the income levels. It was generally accepted that somewhere about 25% was a bearable fee. If you just look at the daily space fee of what will be $25 plus 10% and $13 plus 10%, you have to make $200 in an 8x8 and about $80 in a 4x4 to get to around that 25% threshold, and anything below that means you will pay more than 25% in fees. If you reserve, you're paying around $6.45 per market now instead of the $5 you were paying only 4 years ago. That is again, a 29% increase. If you have a zero day, best of luck finding a way to come back now that you invested that $85 for the season. 

The financial statement we got for the end of February showed that some spending had been cut, but not nearly enough. The bottom line was negative $13,900, and did not indicate that the staff and office costs for March would not be covered by any additional  income, putting us even farther in the red for the second year in a row. And we didn't get a statement of what has happened with our savings. And we didn't get real reports or minutes from the budget committee, just the statement that it was unanimous. By how many members? How many people are making these life-changing decisions for the membership? We deserve to know. We deserve to see the real minutes and the real votes in matters this impactful. In all matters. 

We know we paid for that website rebuild that has dubious value and isn't completed. We know we're paying for a legal retainer presumably to make it "more legal" to throw out members who ask difficult questions. We've been told repeatedly that an audit would be "too expensive." Yet in the past audits were done every year on part of our financial processes. We haven't seen one since 2021 or before. 

Fee increases are a tool that has to be used with finesse. The presumption is that membership levels will stay the same, people will still reserve booths, people will still attend regularly. Perhaps it is cynically thought that members will be even more desperate to come to pay for all the many things that also went up in their lives. This is entirely speculative. The perception can also be that a few people are being supported by a large number who are sacrificing beyond their means to do so. Just like what is happening in the macrocosm. Guess we'll see.

I do appreciate that we got a financial statement, which looks carefully prepared. It does show us in a better position than last year at this time. I'm trusting the Budget Committee and Treasurer that they are doing their jobs. I'm not trusting the general direction that we can just pay more. 

The two-year fix for new members is unfair, as there is no reason to believe that all of these members are at the same position; some may come in and sell way better than many established members, who will not get any kind of a discount. That discount does not establish us as a business incubator. We are not just a pass-through for micro businesses that will go on to open storefronts after they are more successful. We are a community that provided mutual support for hundreds of artisans of all kinds and income levels, including many who are just hanging on. Older members face many diminished capabilities that also limit their sales. People who are disabled or ill do as well. It's a gesture that is not based in reality. 

And don't get me started about a flat fee. This is regressive as can be, virtually guaranteeing that any low-income artist will not succeed. We are not Portland. We do not draw crowds that large, and with what is happening with tourism we will be lucky if we don't see dramatic decreases in attendance. The weather is supposed to get hotter and dryer...so we may face fire and smoke issues, something we have no control over. We can't promote ourselves to people who aren't here...and since we don't have professional staff we know we won't get more dynamic and more exciting promotions. And farmers are now closing at 2:00, so again, we have two hours at the end of the day that will need additional support to keep those crowds we do get. We have issues! We need leadership!

It is not easy to run our market and our events every week. We're paying professional salaries. We need a lot more expertise at the helm. We need innovation and fresh new ideas, to be aligned with all of the other organizations facing similar problems. We're not going to succeed with these seemingly simple, but damaging decisions. 

A Different Membership Organization with some Similar Struggles

 I went and listened to the 2.5 hour Board meeting of the OCF because they had a contentious issue regarding appointment of a Board member to fill a seat opened by the death of one. I had to catch up on a lot of passionate and very considered statements from members, seated Board members, and the Membership Secretary, who resigned after writing a letter in the Fair Family News about this process.

Records showed that over the last decade, appointments had not been made mid-term for many other resignations, in fact, no appointments had been made or even discussed. This is obviously not about the person the Board wanted to appoint, who did get the highest votes under the election threshold in the fall election. However, the next person was only 2 votes behind, and they split on several positions. It's a bylaws procedure to appoint, but it hasn't been done in the past because the membership is so passionately concerned about their membership rights and past Boards have supported respecting the members choices. But the power structure really wanted to do this one. And succeeded. And spent most of two hours deciding the question. 

The OCF has a 13-person Board, and can operate just fine with 11 or 12 members. There is an election every October that hundreds of members participate in (over seven hundred.) For many this is a very concerning erosion of member rights. The OCF also has a somewhat hidden political party that supports the current power structure. The vast numbers of people who do not support this party and power structure have been besieged with oppressive policy changes and lack of transparency in the years since this party politics developed. I have personally received emails lobbying for certain candidates and disparaging others. This is highly unethical, and many people who should know better have participated in that effort to sway voters in non-public ways, which is also offensive and if not blatantly illegal, it's highly suspect.

The Membership Secretary resigned over this appointment issue. Anytime an officer resigns over ethical concerns, it is a huge red flag for the organization. Perception is everything in a membership org. They've gone through three membership secretaries in the past two years, all highly qualified and dedicated to service. That red flag is getting bigger and waving wildly.

I'm looking at you, Saturday Market. When I resigned for ethical reasons in August 2024, I did not use my soapbox to explain it, for fear of further breaking what I felt was in a fragile state. I view that lack of a statement as a personal failure at this point, but I did what I thought was best and tried not to make things about me. I doubt it would have changed anything that's happening now, if I had spoken up. But I should have, except I was convinced that no one would listen or want to hear my opinion. I fell for some gaslighting and manipulation. But that's a different story in most ways. They do also have a narcissist in a power position, though.

We have the luxury of watching zoom recordings of the OCF Board meetings. It's a great way to watch directors in action and form your own opinions about what's going on, as well as get vital information for your own informed participation. I was against the recordings when they began, but for the 501c3 that they are, it's at this point, vital that they hold onto this transparency. It has helped them avoid a lot of mistakes. They still have a lot of problems, and I won't really elaborate on them at this time. You can go and watch a few meetings for yourself. 

For market, member rights and transparency barely exist right now. I know of several Committee reports and minutes that have never been shared. I've waited in vain for even attendance at committee meetings; I don't even know who is on committees right now. This means I have no way to effectively communicate with these committees and members, outside of attending in person, which I won't do due to the toxic atmosphere of the office and power structure for me.

I've heard rumors of a ruling that will affect me...I don't feel confident I will even be notified if it comes up. I know of many things that have been done and not done which are at best, ill-advised. I've seen election interference by officers, staff, and other members, that was at best, unethical, and at worst, illegal. I'm glad I resigned when I did, but there has not been an effective and thorough Secretary since, which has been a great loss to the organization. The Board needs to address all of the root causes of this situation, but as far as I know from the minutes, they haven't. The most recent proposal was just to strip out all the oversight and parliamentary responsibilities of the position so someone would take it. Maybe you can imagine how that hits me.

People have to remember how hierarchies work. Those at the top will deny that they hold positions of power at the top of the hierarchy. They don't see anyone beneath them. All of the many people who are beneath them do see it, clearly, and attempt to fight for their equal rights, usually to the derision of the people at the top. Membership organizations are not supposed to be hierarchical. All members are equal members. Positions of responsibility are about service, not power. This is essential to maintain.

I know I, and others I served with, understood this and refused privilege or any ways we were treated as having any advantage from our positions. We didn't want points, we didn't want special favors, or to be seen as a member of a special group. That stance seems to have left our organizational values. We see quite a lot of favoritism. Of the three committee chairs who resigned their positions recently, only one was remarked upon, and repeatedly praised for her whole two years of service. 

The lead professional is supposed to learn about the legalities, foster Board education and support the Board and Committee volunteers to do their jobs well and serve with honor and pride in their work. Not pride in their positions...their service. What progress they are able to produce and nurture together. For the organization, and for the members who placed their trust in them. Not for the benefit of the power structure. Not to "support the staff." 

We just don't have that in place anymore. It's a huge loss, and until we restore some trust we will not see people step up for positions of responsibility. We have to do better. We have to do our best. And like OCF, we have to have an atmosphere where member rights are honored, supported, and held up by both the members and the power structure. We are supposed to be working together. We are not supposed to be in a situation laced with oppression, retaliation, and fear. 

You can watch the meeting here. 

Has to Be Said

 Just going to park this here so I can come back and listen some more. It's on a far deeper level than stuff I've found on FB. It's long so I couldn't really absorb it all at once. 

 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLQzcOoWBmE

Overreach

 One thing about narcissists is they will definitely overreach...they feel so invincible and have so carefully constructed their perimeter and filled their foreground with sycophants. We are seeing this in the macrocosm brutally right now with what will be thousands of lives lost in a mad rush to avoid accountability. It's more than sickening and many of us have levels of fear that can't be tamped down. We know about the warehouses. We are paying attention. 

I took advantage of a sucker hole in the skies this morning to ride my bike downtown for bread and to put up a couple of Jell-O Show posters. I hadn't been on my bike much at all since December and only a time or two in January, and was worried I didn't have the grip strength yet for the brakes. Also I hate to be cold and I really had to just make myself do it. And it went very well, no problems with my body and only a little bit of rain. I didn't dilly-dally so I just made it before it got wet again. Nothing I feared happened. 

I am one who often lets my fears keep me from things, despite all the ways I know how to not do that, and how it always proves that the fears or anxiety were the worst parts of the experience. I remember seeing a general fear in many people older than me and now I do know more of what they were fearful of, but sensible or not, the fear can be a robbery. This will be a constant battle for me for whatever life I have remaining, I am guessing, but I can also try hard not to drag other people into my fear scenarios.

But what if...? Well, it isn't happening now, so let's just take a step. We can always step back to safety. And if we can't, we have skills and we know other people who have skills. 

Safety for some of us took a long time to establish as we just had to keep testing and trying. When I think back on some of the things I did when I was younger, I really wonder about my motivations. They tend to be more clear now, but not always. Fear is just built into a world full of domination and predation. We can do our best at avoidance, with that accompanying loss, but stuff still happens that we do not want to take on. Yet we have to, and we will. 

I so admire people who stride forward with confidence and courage. It's okay with me that it is often just a goal, because at least it is something I can imagine, if not quite enact. It is probably sometimes scary for those people too, but something is an override for them. Protecting the weak or innocent, preserving something irreplaceable, or just seeing injustice and not being able to live with it, are all reasons people act. Seldom are we called to dive into freezing water but sometimes we can imagine cases where we would do that. I remember when we were rafting when my son was little and he fell off. I didn't even think before falling off with him, even though of course that was not what the guide thought was a good idea at all. For him, two people to rescue, but for me, only one. I didn't even have a thought first, as I remember it, but I expect I did. It was I am connected to my child. A simple thought. 

But it is not always that clear, and sometimes we just have to realign with our values and take those small steps forward. I made a lot of rules for myself in the past few years of navigating my organizations and community, that were based in my values but were mostly about protecting my own self, from predation but also from the ways I know that I could serve to be inadequate.

For instance, I am not a good liar. I have intentionally not developed better lying skills...my own level of self-delusional thinking is plenty on that score, and I catch myself rationalizing and in denial as much as anyone. But trying to deceive another person for my own purposes, not interesting to me. So even though I know that to be honest makes me vulnerable, and it's regularly inconvenient and misunderstood, I just adopted being honest as a core value. I remember doing that a few times. There's a haunting page in my autograph book from about age five, from the mom of my best friend, that read "Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." It's haunting because it hit home hard, and immediately, and I could not quote any other page in that little book. I worked on that. 

And not because I was raised Catholic with a side dish of bad boy mischief, though that main dish of guilt and shame I was served repeatedly was what built my bones, but because I did have a wish to be loved, and she was one of the kind adults I needed to love me. She probably did. I've always been loved far more than I believed I deserved to be. Probably hated that way, too...to be honest.

So I do have a sense of justice about the truth, if not the skills to know how to deal with the liars and cheats. I've heard myself say things like "ordinary people can't fix this." I saw what happened in South Korea with the guy who tried to seize power, when so many people just came out and stood there, witnessing, that the situation was decided and proceeded to justice. I read writers every day who want this to happen in this country, and I know many people do, but it isn't happening. All of us ordinary people are too scared. And it will be inconvenient. 

It isn't happening in the microcosm either. Despite the widespread knowledge of insider politics in a couple of my organizations, they keep succeeding in doing their damage. Interestingly, they often use the language and methods of oppressive cultures like white supremacy culture and we fail to put the pieces together and call it out. We are assured that efficiency, common practice, and professionalism are the reasons that things are done, not sense of urgency, power of the few, and only one right way kinds of thinking. Most Americans are so far out of touch with racism and control tactics that it is easy for them to just "assume the best" of the leaders and push down dissent or their own feelings of discomfort when they know something is not quite just or fair. There are always plenty of reasons. But that is being so rapidly destroyed by the insanity of the overreach that it even seems hopeful that the oppression will fall apart. Sometimes evil doesn't win. 

And the situations seldom seem important enough to just stop, call them out, and deal with them in a better way. I read in the FFN a letter from the Secretary of the org saying that something their board was doing was unethical and uncommon, and it disenfranchised the members. It didn't change the outcome and I haven't listened to any discussion at the meeting but I heard that some used justifications that they made up and tried to present them as the thoughts of someone who recently died. It sounded like it was beyond shameless. I wonder how many voices were raised. More to the point, what will they do next time? Probably they will change the policies to put the practice into a firmer space, like the bylaws. That's a common tactic for entrenched power. "Let's just change the rules so we can do what we want to do."

And because things like policy are complex, it takes everyone else awhile to catch on to it, if they even bother. So many qualified volunteers have walked away from unfair power dynamics that some of these organizations are hollow enough to resonate like a fallen rotting tree. 

Alarms are so loud for me that I experience dissonance every day, am numbed a lot of the time, and just resort to work to ease my discomfort, trying hard to limit input and keep trying to operate as the work piles up. I constantly feel like I might be doing things for the last time. I made myself stop climbing the apple tree...someday I will have to make myself stop climbing the ladder to the roof. Someday I will have to give away my bike. And my trailer. And everything in this house, and my shop, for that matter.

But I don't have to do all that today. I planned a course for something knotty I have to do, and took the first couple of steps, and I will keep working on it no matter how scary it gets. I know I am safe writing about it in my journal, even if I'm no longer safe here, and can't call anyone to talk me down. I know I can do the whole task, when I break it up into steps to take one at a time. I've been here before.

And I will go downtown and stand there when the time really comes. Maybe I'll let myself get herded into the warehouse with the rest of my compatriots. We'll have all the good songs.

Hold On

 

 

Other people know how to do this stuff and really, so do we

 I just moved this one to the top so it wouldn't be buried underneath all the posts from January I put here yesterday. It's also still in the place it was before, not removed.

Wow, go listen to Viola Davis' speech at the NAACP Image awards. I cried hard. She said that hell is when you find yourself at the end of your life: the person you became facing the person you could have become. That hit deep. That whole broadcast was filled with life and affirmation. Courage, and clear seeing. All the best qualities: strength, resilience, determination. Never giving up. I am a huge fan of how the Black community deals with the world. No wonder we still want them to save us from ourselves. I feel the same about the Jewish and Latino communities. I hate being white, I have to say. The peoples of the world don't make me feel that way, it is the actions of other white people that make me feel that way. Yeah, of course, not all white people. Just millions and millions of them, people who have not tried to pick up the tasks of the commons and do them fairly and justly. I'm very grateful to all of the people who have picked up their tools and tried to build a just world, and are still trying. It's not like we don't have the tools.

What would you have done if someone hadn't put their trauma on you? What would you have done if you hadn't been bullied, discouraged, blocked from finding your best self? What if you had been brave enough to do the things no one encouraged you to try? What if you hadn't given up when things seemed too hard? What makes you so afraid? What makes you so defensive? 

She said there is no man behind the curtain controlling your life. You already paid for your crown. 

I know she wasn't really speaking to me, a person who had plenty of privilege and opportunity to heal, plenty of support if I could have chosen to access it. The oppression I faced as a little white girl from the middle class was minor compared to the blocks people who are not seen as white feel every day of their lives. Even when they are celebrated for their efforts there are plenty of people ready to cut them down to some tiny place they don't choose to stand in. The amount of oppression for Black people during Black History Month this year was over the top, and you know it happens every damn day while we are just...doing other things. Complaining about the cost of mangos and avocados. 

I don't deserve her support and encouragement, though I have no doubt she would extend it to me, because she is kind in her fierceness. Many people are. I've felt their protection and seen them allow me to make mistakes that wounded others. I also watched a show about owning your mistakes and moving on, to restore your life and joy, without carrying that shame of doing something badly. Intellectually, I get it. Emotionally, I guess it is a practice I have to start doing every time I hear that self talk that cuts me down to a tiny place.

I've been reviewing some Board packets and minutes from previous years, yesterday 1990 and 2018. Packets full of committee reports, discussions, motions made, not made, reversed, and fought about. The market discourse was always, over the many decades, robust. We talked about everything, at the table, not hidden from the other members. We shared the work, and the blame if it was flawed work, and we repaired what we could and kept trying to do better. We didn't work as individuals subject to burning ourselves out, we worked as a community to share the load. And we wrote it all down.

There were 36 separate items in just this typical month, November 2018, including eleven reports plus separate minutes from task forces and committees. Eleven Committees and Task Forces.  Research the GM had done, the census, the financial report, the Annual Meeting preparatory packet, everything from planning for the 50th Anniversary, which we celebrated in 2019, to a Board Self-evaluation, with Task forces working on the Downtown and Park Blocks redesign process, The Street Team which developed the Guidebook, and a proposal for a website rebuild which we did then spend $10 grand on. No withdrawal from savings for any of all that. We weren't making any more money then, we were simply being managed by a professional with skills. With a staff she trained to do what needed doing. She trained the Advertising Manager, the Site Crew, the other support staff. She handled things. She earned that salary. 

Collaboration was a given. Many people came aboard because it was a pleasure to be in meetings where things were done and respect was maintained. We had fun, we made tons of improvements, and we frequently shared our history as we approached that celebration. We planned a party that we never got to have, and which people paid for and were never reimbursed. That didn't happen because of the pandemic. All of it continued just fine throughout the pandemic, even when we couldn't meet and lost the first ten markets of 2020. When we lost that manager, we did falter, but not so much until this current power structure decided that they'd get behind this mismanagement no matter what. 

What would we have been if we didn't accept these limits? It didn't come from the outside, it came from within. I got tired of speaking up and not being heard, and being forced to participate in things that were not ethical, and walked away. At the time I told myself I didn't want to blow it all up, which was a huge mistake that kept things buried that should have seen the light of day. Things were broken that didn't have to be. I didn't want to hurt other volunteers, and I still don't. Group process is what everyone does together. It isn't supposed to be a place where people are unsafe. 

I still have the pieces, and we could put them back together if people had the will. Instead we are told that sharing information is "leaking" as if it were state secrets. It's the members' business! We should all know all about it. There's no mutual benefit in hiding everything that needs to be worked on and made whole. This is common knowledge...you can't fix what you refuse to address. 

We should know how many people did not get their $40 work deposits back from HM after they did their work tasks. We should know how many people had to pay twice when their payments were mismanaged. How many donations did not make it to the Kareng Fund? I know of one...but we should know how that was corrected. We should know who goes away hurt or destroyed by bullying they are ashamed they couldn't handle. We should stand with the victims of bullying instead of shoving it under the rug. We get no information now, so we can't address things and we can't fix them. 

We need those committees and task forces and that collaboration. I was surprised to find a park blocks redesign in 1990 that somehow I missed remembering...a few spaces were lost and the process was clear to fix it. The displaced people were given first choice to reserve what was available, like we did when the deck changed people's spaces in a later time. I didn't pull that policy out of nowhere, it was brought forward that people get spaces in point order. We had to make a new map for HM before...and it was done by starting over in point order, everyone choosing new spaces. That was the most fair way. That was not how this latest map was filled. Without history and a Task Force, I dread this new iteration of the Park Blocks redesign. 

We worked hard to do everything in the most fair way, and if people disagreed, we listened to them and made the corrections we needed to make to right the situation as well as we could. Of course not every decision was the best one, but it all depended on the people in the room at the time, and there were always many. There was no risk in speaking up. There was never any real effort to get everyone to agree...we just had to ask as many people as possible to determine what would best serve the common good. In 1990 someone asked for what may have been the first LOA. Policies were written that are still policy today. When the jewelry guidelines needed work, all of the jewelers were called in to meet.

The same in 2018...policies were gathered by the Policy and Procedure Task Force, collated and revised so everything was brought forward and we didn't have to do the work over and over again. People didn't have to depend on memory, they had documentation. It took a lot of work, painstaking work, but it was so important to do it, as we have certainly seen. Except our members can't access that work, those documents and those policies. Without permission. 

We had embezzlement in 1989, and it's right there in the minutes. Ironically that manager had been hired to "make us more like a business." An employee took the days' receipts home where a roommate stole from them, getting away with $4500. They both resigned, and the money was not recovered. It took a few months to reconstruct what had happened. We barely even had a computer then. When Bill was hired, he knew what protections to put into the bylaws, what money-handling processes to put in place, what types of audits we needed to have checks on what the staff was doing. It was his responsibility to do that. We always had audits, which are not free...but obviously they can save a lot of money when there are mistakes being made. We haven't had an audit since Kirsten left in 2021. We can afford it. We have to afford it.

I'm so sad about how things have played out these last three years. It didn't have to be this way. It doesn't have to be this way. Until I was bullied repeatedly, I was able to share a lot of how we historically handled things, so nothing had to be reinvented that would cause a loss of what made us strong and just. My life is too short now to be bullied. I can't help this Board, without sacrificing the years of my life that bullying takes from my body. I can't let market kill me after investing my life in it. 

Please see the big picture. Restore the trust and good will and collaboration we always had solidly in place. Restore the transparency and accountability. Don't accept excuses and lies and cover-ups. This is far too important of an organization to lose. Make it safe to disagree and a joy to work together. If you can't do that, please resign.