Getting through it better now...told a few people yesterday at Market so I can feel less vulnerable holding a secret that doesn't need to be held. Everybody knows what it is to lose a Mom, or will at some point anyway.
It was cold but as always not as wet or windy as predicted. Market was half-empty though. I wish people would learn not to believe TV weather broadcasters. Their agenda is always...surprise...to get you to stay home and watch TV. We got a little coverage, and a little from the day, but apparently Opening Day of the Saturday Market is more of a regular fixture than a happening that needs community support. Not true, of course, and we did get community support, just not as much as an Opening Day deserved. The Slug Queens did not slack! There were like ten of them.
I stayed warm enough with my rechargeable handwarmer from Light Harvest Solar where my son works, and of course the multiple coats and layers I did not forget. I actually didn't forget anything except to actually get in shape, and my knees and legs and bad foot were not thrilled, but I managed and there were the usual lovely and heart-warming moments to sustain me.
And the good food, and easy access to farmers, although they are nearly always sold out by the time I get over there. It helps if you know what you want and where to get it so you can do the dash across the street and quick purchases. I don't have time for waiting in lines so if I can't go early I have to see what's left around two. And when the weather is iffy I can't leave the booth, plus when it is good I can't leave the booth.
I worked out a more compact footprint finally which worked okay but I'll be glad to switch out the popup for umbrellas next week if the 70 degree sunny day materializes. If it does we will be busy!
I'll have to get back into work mode. I did print a couple of days last week, and was in shape for that, but my workdays were short and lifting minimal. I'm glad I lost that contract, finally, instead of still being mad about it. I'm mad about other things, but it does no good to be mad, time to put more effort into humorous takes on it all while I transition out of caring about orgs that don't care about me.
Market still does care a lot about me, but my role is moving more into the "elder who carries the legacy forward" in some ways and that is something I was trying to get to a few years ago, until rudely interrupted by a complex crisis that is kind of over. Not fully. Hardly anyone was masking, including me, so we can expect to see more Covid transmission and I got more free tests so I can test every week. I have a feeling I would not notice symptoms since I got a 5th shot and don't really notice my health issues a lot of times. I did avail myself of one of our excellent plant people, Ryan of Boto Boho who is really great in so many ways. I realized my anxiety did not need to go unaddressed just because I didn't want to involve doctors and pharmaceuticals. I got two kinds of nervous system support tinctures so I can see which one I like when...one is for more instant relief and one is more for stabilization. I'm bad at self-care but this is pretty easy so I hope it works for me. I am sure they work, it's just that I forget to take things like that...even vitamins, which I know help my moods quite a bit when I remember to take them.
Today is a rest day and I will watch some episodes of 1883 which is a guilty pleasure as the prequel to Yellowstone, which I don't know why I like...it's predictable and unrealistic but I have that romantic fantasy going still from my Colorado days. I know it is silly and colonialist and even racist at core (singling out people of color and loving them more than white people is just a perverted type of racism, that doesn't help real systemic racism, and involves some ridiculous romantic fantasy that is just objectivism. I'm not fooling myself about that but still trying to get over it.)
Lots of heart connections as is usual at Market. Didn't have to go off and weep but it isn't easy seeing people age over decades and then stop appearing, whether by retirement or incapacity to do the hard day of work. It looms. I haven't had knee problems before. I need to walk more, but not on sidewalks. I need to do more preservation of what capacity I do have. Taking vitamins and reducing anxiety ties into that of course...my body is a system. Systemic damage to myself is just self hatred made into excuses.
Time off, then. Gotta dry some things out. Sure glad this weather we are having today is not what we got yesterday. Once again we got lucky. So glad for that.
