It's Real

Silk painting I did a few years ago

I'm glad we live in a state that believes in Science. But now we are staying home until probably the end of April, at least. It is daunting.

I failed to really plan in a few areas...won't have enough oil, so will have to do more baking and less frying, but that's not huge. Might run out of coffee. Will run out of alcohol...the drinking kind. I have been wanting to drink more...might be the suggestiveness of Facebook, or just the way I can deny I am an alcoholic when it is available...one beer a week or one cider, doesn't seem too debilitating. I learned long ago that if I have it, I will drink it, so I minimize what I keep around. But now I have one beer, one cider, and a bottle of wine for the whole Apocalypse.

I was going to stop at Kiva today and get a little more, but couldn't justify it. The idea of someone or me contracting the virus so I could drink was not a workable one. I did have some checks to deposit, but I put them in the mail. I could also make a quick trip out...to the Newf down the street, to Albertson's, to anywhere, to get a growler, to get a bottle of gin, I have lots of choices, but I am deciding not to be desperate. That momentary euphoria is not worth death. Which is ironic, as alcohol use is always a death risk, like smoking, or driving, but we pretend otherwise.

So we'll do less pretending. I went through my seeds to see what I could plant and salvaged some used potting soil but chances are good my seeds will damp off or they're too old. I will need a drive-by by my favorite plant grower if he is allowed to go out...are plants for the garden a necessity? Seems so. I guess if he can sell at farmers I will suit up and get a Burley-full. Not sure if Farmers will continue to sell.

Some things are necessary...it becomes subjective. I know my washable tote bags are convenient, and safer than plastic, but no one is doing any shopping. Hats, no, not necessary. So I will sit on my nice complete inventory and get it ready for when the day does come when we can gather again. It might be a long while. Maybe June.

People are saying at some point we will decide what amount of death is an acceptable level and we will resume our lives despite the risk. I already saw people relaxing their vigilance. I was about to. If the staying home works and we reduce our "numbers," people will take more risks. I think we'll see lots of fluctuation instead of a straight curve, although right now it looks like the US graph is going to shock the world with its rapid rise, because of our lack of national leadership.

I'm calling it the Covfefe Virus. Maybe that is what he was trying to get out in that old tweet. It does sound really, really bad. I think for people like me who are generally very healthy and tend to minimize things, we will see some very real danger. I have unlimited capacity for telling myself it is a mild case and I won't get sicker, if I do start to see symptoms. At the same time I am thinking I have it with each cough, each little aching muscle. My young neighbors next door have done nothing visible to protect our neighborhood, in fact they've been doing the opposite. I am trying to give them lots of space. Chances are very good that some of them will be sick or already are.

It's easier for me to frame things as if I already have it and don't want to spread it. That is what will keep me from making that quick trip to the store. I do not want to kill anyone with my stupidity and selfishness. I will be stoic and draw on the strength of my ancestors.

There is almost not one weed left in my yard. I took full advantage of all that nice weather and now want the rain to get those plants going strong. If I stay on it, when I get strawberries I will beat the squirrels and jays to them. I will eat that kale and broccoli before it bolts. I will empty out my freezer so when we do get fresh fruit again, I'll be ready. It's a good time to be strong and to get stronger.

I will work on my selfishness. I've noticed that with deprivation, I personally do not get more generous. I get generous when I have abundance. Now I am getting more frugal and much less willing to share. I'll see if I can work on that. It's all about fear. When I know I can get more, easily, I am much more willing to share. That goes for everything. Money is the worst.

This will also be a good time to work on not dissolving in fear. Brave people are staying home and keeping their community safe. I have lots of ways I can help from home. I'll be you do too. Look for the helpers, and be one whenever you get the chance. Be safe. Try not to worry too much.

And don't just hear what you want to hear. Get deeper. But somehow, stay light.