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| Same fight, different day |
Have been working on trying to separate out so many types of feelings so I know what actions to take. It has seemed like everything contained a contradiction...I suppose most things do.
It's my first Mother's Day without Mom. I am not the biggest fan of Hallmark holidays but honoring your mother is deeply ingrained and I can't send a card or write the long letters I used to do for awhile, reminding Mom and myself of all the so many things she did for me to keep me encouraged and alive for all these years. She supported my art and my life even when it worried her and I'm trying not to keep remembering the crunchy interactions and focus on the lovely ones. There were plenty. I'm so lucky I had my Mom for 73 years.
One of the things that scared her was my political activism and it didn't quite fit into my own motherhood. It was hard for my son to be taken to protests he didn't fully understand and my anxiety about them made him anxious, and vulnerable. I stopped going to protests when he was small and gradually recognized that I had a lot of anxiety about them myself. I always cry, which in itself is not a problem, but in the streets is not a place for people who need safety. I'd do well to have an affinity group and I guess online I feel safer, so I can still express my politics, just not so much in person. I get uplifted, but also have to do a lot of silent retreating around them, especially after.
We're being besieged at the Market by the Wellsprings Church from Roseburg, which is sending a cadre of sign holders and proselytizers every other week, ruining our event for several hours and driving away both our customers and our own members who just can't handle the chaos and disruption. Neither the members or the organization can handle the expenses and losses we're experiencing. We're not exactly getting support from the EPD or the city. It's confusing, since some of the chaos is coming from our own members and supporters who want to loudly counter-protest. This week it was over the top.
I guess there were a couple of assaults and arrests, and now with the mounted cameras on the 8th and Oak corner and so many people recording, there is some evidence. We as an organization are just getting back on our feet from the losses of the pandemic and our internal issues of the last few years, and we do not have the resources for legal actions. Yet we will be pursuing them, as well as trying to reason with the police and the city to find ways to support us. We rent the Park Blocks, and all of us pay quite a bit for our weekly payday...but these extra costs are egregious and it costs the Church nothing to send these disruptors and they seem fully unaware of our rights. They also seem not to care.
It's domination games, the part of society I hate the most. I am not a good competitor. I avoid confrontation...I want reasonable, logical problem-solving. But these disruptors don't respond to logic or reason. Their goals are not our goals. Some of us are engaging with them to see if they can at least respect our rights to livelihood, and I kind of think individual to individual can be effective, but not really in the face of religious zealotry.
Currently we are asking the city and EPD to at least enforce their ordinances. Next steps get harder. We're writing policies about things like active-shooter plans...what is next? How passionate are people going to get about imposing their will on others? It's horrifying to imagine, since we all know how violent people are getting in their righteousness. No one is feeling safe.
At the same time, the struggles over the FSP are still complex and being sorted. The structure of "professionalism" demands from us that we pay for permits, care about creating public safety, provide amenities like porta-potties, and purchase insurance, pay for security, and all of that in order to support our members. Our members pay all of those costs from our sales. This has been true since 1970 when we first began using public space for our commerce. We were required to create and maintain structure and follow all of the business rules to operate in our city. So it's hard to accept paying for all of the people who use that fourth block. I can accept sharing with poor people and helping them work their way out of poverty, but that's not all that's happening over there. I want some solution that drives out the ones selling who are merely taking advantage of the unregulated activities.
So I support enforcing the DAZ requirements, although they are tough. Some can't hack it and it seems oppressive, and I expect the city and EPD are also hearing from those people as an unrelated but linked problem. If, perhaps, the Free Speech Plaza was actually functioning as that, the signs and proselytizing could happen there, though they'd likely still want to be on our corners obstructing our traffic. But at least it would be an option, which it currently isn't. Eugene and Lane County lost a place for opinions to be aired. So it feels to us as Market members that this is yet another burden we must pay for as opportunists take advantage of what we have built.
It has been so much work to build, maintain, and protect our community gathering and event and opportunity to thrive as small businesses and handcrafters for over 5 decades. I know...I have been here doing it since 1976. I have played many roles and taken a break or two but my support has been a big part of why we still exist and are solvent. It has often been way too hard. I've spent many hours puzzling like this on what we should or shouldn't do to keep holding it up. This is not the worst place we have been in, but this one is knotty. If we can't get the city to support us against this hate campaign, we will decline. Customers are flighty. All of the expense and effort the city has gone to in creating the pavilion and supporting the farmers can also be wasted if people won't come down to shop or attend the many events being held there.
I'm not resentful of the support the farmers have gotten. I was there on the inside as we tried to improve both markets and the three blocks we use, and I get why it worked out the way it did. I want the farmers to thrive too. I also want people to be able to work their way out of poverty until they can afford to join Market, which is just a small level up from selling for free at FSP, for those who handcraft. It's not easy or all that cheap now, but it's still a wonderful value for the money. I have built my life there.
I have empathy for people who are closed out by disability, lack of basic necessities, and need for greater support. My generation is seeing that ourselves as we get too old and beat up to do the 12-hour day on my feet that a Saturday is for me. I'm approaching that limit myself. I don't have as much empathy for dominators and opportunists.
So I'm gradually coming around to the hard realization that I must join the fighting against these dominators who would take away my bodily autonomy, and are currently compromising my ability to do my work. I must figure out what tactics I can use and how much I can do to make this stop and return the Market to a more peaceful type of creative chaos, a more positive and enjoyable one. I have to dedicate myself to this as I have to ending racism, the white supremacy culture, and the domination structure that is only getting more oppressive every day around us. I don't have a right to comfort. I can't use my avoidance tactics on this one. It's in my face.
