Monday, November 28, 2016

Putting Things Together

A friend is holding Teach-Ins and that resonates for me. What better things can we be doing right now but learning, sharing what we know, and challenging ourselves to make some coherent visions for what happens next in our lives? I jumped at the chance to borrow a nonfiction book called The American Slave Coast: A History of the Slave-Breeding Industry. I was aware how much I was hungering for a deep understanding, not wanting to have shallow conversations or even passionate anger fests of what is happening and what fears are coming up for us. I didn't dream how fast my perspective would change and how valuable it would feel. I urge you to read the book. I'm only 31 pages in so I won't try to summarize or teach from it, but I'll just key into my excitement about what happened in my brain.

I grew up in Delaware, an elitist section of the Eastern Seaboard, where the duPonts settled to build their fortune, which as you might know was in gunpowder and land and is now in chemicals. I wouldn't know whether or not they had slaves...but they absolutely had servants and that is sometimes a euphemism. As people say about former slaveowners, they were men of their time. But as you will see in this book, the term "founding fathers" is a profoundly wicked and misleading label for the men who signed the first documents of our nation. All those historical sites back there, all those famous men, hide the truth that fractured my family and those of my generation. We want that truth. These businessmen and royalty were not heroes.

They certainly represented privilege, the people who surrounded my middle-class family, and I always felt like a poor kid in a rich school, but of course I was hardly poor. We had segregation and some bussing, mostly later after I was in college, but we had an African American "cleaning lady" for a time and although I tried to be a nice girl always, racism was there in me and the sexism was a big part of my life. I have three sisters and was raised Catholic. Part of the learning I know is past due for me is how to reverse the effects of my privilege and the isms that come up for me all the time. As a hippie I was able to shed some of it, at least the social aspirations of my youthful companions, but of course I still benefit from privilege and even though as a woman and now an old one, I get a little bit of discrimination, it's nothing like what I see so clearly all the time and want to work on.

I feel that my education went to the edge of the truth and then whitewashed everything like crazy. I thought I saw through a lot of that, but when I was in Cambridge, Maryland this summer, I could feel the racism all around me. We happened upon the birthplace of Harriet Tubman (not her real name, even) and had an amazing experience hearing legendary stories of her life from the descendant of one of the local "men of his time" who had unexplained ties to that life. He wasn't her owner, but a neighbor of his, I think. My feelings of horror at seeing the auction block where humans were sold, the store where she was injured in an incident, and the country in which she did her brilliant and courageous work were about the life and land I was familiar with. We spent a lot of time on the Chesapeake when I was a kid, and I have always been a naturalist. While my parents were sailing I was learning the plants and birds of the shores and rivers. I was not learning the history. I had no idea that Virginia, Maryland, and South Carolina were places where the wealth was gained not from the watermen, like our guide in the Blackwater River and his family had found wealth, but more likely from the industry of slavery. I could feel how she carefully learned the land and the habits of the white men and was able to defy and run circles around them through her observations and strategy.

And that wealth of her owners came from not just the buying and selling of slaves, but the forced breeding of them. So yes, the wealth of this area was gained from the forcible rape of the captive women. In fact Thomas Jefferson himself actually wrote parts of the Constitution to protect his businesses and those of his fellow Virginians from the competition of the South Carolinians who were still importing humans from Africa. We could see that it was an important ship-building area, but those were not all fishing boats, were they? This is where my education rang a very loud bell and I resonated with a knowledge I felt internally. The last few days were part of my own unveiling of the shadows that cloud my deep understanding.

So I could then emerge from the intentionally spread confusion of our current political scene and see that the times we are in are not so different from the past. I can see that my first task is to fill in the gaps in my knowledge in a few key areas. I need to understand American history and world history from the original source information, not what is available in the whitewashed sources of TV and most print. I started re-reading Lies My Teacher Told Me and will look through Howard Zinn's People's History as well. I'll read some feminist literature I skipped. I'll spend a lot more time checking which Facebook links are helpful and which are designed to confuse and demoralize. I won't waste as much time as I have been on stupid TV because it feels comforting. It doesn't feel comforting any more.

It seems clear that being grounded, clear and strong in truth is going to be my position. When I take actions they have to come not from my woundedness and horror, but from my clear knowledge of what is right and from the vision of a more egalitarian, safer, and more just society for all people. I'll have to stop saying the stupid things that offend and divide, the well-meaning ways I try to connect, and work more with my abilities to see through masks and defenses to the inner conditions that drive people.

One example: I saw a man with a safety pin in his ear and remarked that it was a clever way to display his symbol of allied concern. It was obvious from his response that at least a dozen of us well-meaning supportive people had said the same thing. We wanted him to recognize our kinship but what he saw was our assumptions, and our lack of originality in how we will work with the new conditions. His presence at the Holiday Market and in my booth was not about his earring. Calling attention to merely that earring let him know that I did not see him for a full person but for my assumption about a symbol that connected us, and his response was to deny that facile attempt at connection. He was kind of saying, "No, I am not in your club because you think I am." We all want something deeper. He was shopping. I was inappropriate.

Facebook is helping us at the same time that it is deceiving us. There was a great article about how much the fake news and opinion pieces that were actually paid ads, drove the voting. We fell into that trap, most of us, and must first stop sharing the fake stuff and find the trusted sources that are out there, mostly the direct sources and the brave journalists and writers who have no master to serve. There's plenty available. We can all be more careful about what we repeat, and that includes the ways we amplify our fears instead of taking actions to be safer, smarter, and more connected to the reality we hold together. We can't allow the confusion tactics to manipulate us.

The Great Bankrupters are back. They will use tactics that are completely unacceptable under the previous rules of politics and shared reality, so we can't fall for them. We have to stay grounded, strong, and not get confused.

Work to learn. Strive to see and understand what is really happening in the big picture. We can do this together, and with the internet we have the same tools they have and much more at stake, which makes us much more determined and effective if we link arms and sit down. Do stay calm. That helps. Keep the faith. The hippies were right, and that's been proven. We have to continue to speak for our generation and to teach the children as we have been doing. It has been working. We won that election, but the dirty tricks to take us into the dark were temporarily effective. We can stand in the dark and still be strong. Never give up.

Today I read, rest, and restore, and tomorrow I just keep working. We're going to do this job and do it well. We have what it takes, what we've spent our lifetimes building. We have our communities. Reach for the peach, and keep it in your pocket. It tastes damn good, and it will ripen again as the year turns. Let's stay together.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Loving in Action, Together

Hard times indeed. It's so good to have Holiday Market to ground me and keep me working and focused. It was the best place to be to hear the news of the passing of one of our Market family, River, to hug each other and be alive to honor her. Grieving was put off until later but at the same time, shared, and felt rich and powerful. Just seeing familiar smiling faces and sharing ideas and reflections is so much more powerful than looking out the window at the rain and trying to motivate to do something useful.

I believe the election fraud is a fact, and this is not the first hacked election, but perhaps this time the people who think so will be louder than before. When it went to the Supreme Court with Gore, even that was managed (you can tell when they have t-shirts of a particular color and look very organized, so watch for that.) You used to be able to tell that these fake movements were organized, and it has been international, and I would expect one this time too, a counter-protest. There are probably plenty of red trucker hats available. Don't be fooled. Critical thinking is one of our powers.

The popular vote is way out of kilter to the results. I don't know if I believe protest will change things, but it is the tool we have. The internet is where we gather too, and it's big.

Getting together at the Fairgrounds has some qualities that repeat and bring warmth and love. The Kareng Fund gets busy providing what we can for artisans in crisis, and we made two grants this week. This little safety net is so precious because it comes from us. Most of our donations are from other artisans who want to help, so we put our dimes and pennies to work for each other. This will also be our major period of fundraising, so put some items aside for the baskets and some cash aside to buy tickets for the raffle. A big thanks to the Oregon Country Fair Board for a contribution to the printing of our brochures so we can reach more artists and crafters in Oregon.

Reach out to fellow artisans if you hear them describing hardship...ask them about it or let one of the KF Board know, or simply give them a brochure. We fund "career-threatening crises" and that includes not only health issues but domestic ones as well. If you are having blocks to your ability to produce and market your work that you can't handle alone, you might be eligible for a grant. Please don't suffer thinking there is no one out there who cares. It is more likely that people are hanging back because they care so much, that they feel devastated by the great need to be witnessed.

I do feel that this is a period of unveiling when racism, sexism, and corruption are in the light. It is the time to speak up to set the conditions of the world we want: honest, equal, open to possibility. It isn't the time to stay in the cave. It won't be easy and it will be discouraging that the progress will be slowed and complicated by the US political situation, but it isn't just about us and the world will join the efforts. Indeed, many people in the world have been working hard on these issues for a very long time...the movements are continual and haven't paused while we grieved. Our grief is an important step for us to crack open the comfort we retreat to, because we can, but we are watching people fight much harder than most of us think we can. We can fight for a better world, and we must.

We need to call back the energy we felt at other times when the path looked wider and less fraught with personal danger. We rose to greet Obama with hope and we rose to stand with Bernie with conviction, and they are still there to lead and help us stand our ground. There are so many of us, that if we do speak up, it will be loud. We certainly have a lot to lose if we don't.

Step out of comfort, take a chance on connection, help fan the flames of dissent, and put your energies where they can add to that of others. Your contributions can be small, even miniscule, even hesitant, even shy, but keep going in the right direction. We all know the world we want. There are many places we agree, as humans on this planet. There is so much work to do. Do some of it. Start anywhere.

It's cold and wet. People are sad and scared. Light a candle, honor a bee, feed the birds, smile at someone you don't know. Keep yourself healthy. Promote the health of all of us. Stay in this together. We are the people of the world.

And you can find the Empathy Tent at the Farmers' Market next door to us. Use the listeners to quell your irrational fears and let go to connection. Remind yourself how powerful you feel at your best. Do the work that needs to be done. Love yourself, so that you have love to give.

I know Buy Nothing Day has shifted to Create Something Day and Teach-In day, and it is still a day to consider your money power and put it wisely to work for what you want to see. You want art and craft in your community, so feel good about supporting Holiday Market. I'll see you there.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Moving, if not forward, along

I'm teetering on a precipice, tightrope, rollercoaster, getting ensnared in emotions like so many people I know. It makes me want to shut down and hide. I took off my safety pin: am I really of any help to an oppressed person? The uncertainty about my own strength is how this is hitting me. I will take the one piece I learned from how to help a person in an oppressive situation...try to engage with that person more or less normally. I might be able to go stand next to them, even if I am afraid to speak. I might be able to stand silently to a bully...maybe.

Psychological warfare scares me just as much as the physical kind. What our world went through in the last year was devastating. On one hand it feels like nothing new, but on the other it feels like the worst time ever to try to be a thinking person. Confusion is my problem, and the internet rarely helps with that. I sort through the responses of my friends and family and try to define the irrational responses, try not to fuel them, echo them, or even try to counter them as I am not sure I know anything helpful either.

I know I come from some level of privilege and remain there, despite my vulnerability as an old lady, but I see this as a liability and a block to my understanding. Yet I don't want to undermine myself by giving away what I have worked for, my safety and my small comforts...I have lost the balance of knowing when my contributions were matching what I have gained. I see the fathomless need to give but also see myself and others hanging on more tightly to whatever makes us feel somewhat secure...and for me that is my savings, which are meagre but do exist. I have to block my fears of what will happen if our social safety nets disappear.

I'm hypervigilant and wary of self-sabotage, unsure of any of my convictions. My view of what happened went all the way to extreme conspiracy theory and back, several times. I see how the hate speech will result in some of us doing the work of the nazis and imposing the anti-world on ourselves and each other. That's something to fight...I can pledge to not act out of base motives and try to keep my morals intact. My actions, though dampened, can carefully help protect and reconstruct the world I value. I can proceed slowly and not buy into urgency that throws me off center.

I can work to not second-guess myself. I can take the space I need to work slowly and carefully and not give in to panic. I can reassure myself without taking on the responsibility of reassuring all of you. I feel like I can't carry others right now, so I will work to not give in to asking others to carry me. I don't feel inspired or inspiring.

I will focus on work and hope for the best. People keep telling me what to do...shirts I should make, things I should think or do. I'm not doing any of it. People don't really want printed t-shirts in times like these...no one wants to be a target. I've been through this before. Sure, sometimes you get a hit and it's fun for awhile, but anything powerful has a downside as far as t-shirt production goes, for me. I don't really want to talk politics, and have walked away from several conversations when they got heated. I am not the person who wants to debate you or even commiserate with you. I'm being self-protective.

I know my challenges are challenges of privilege, emotional fights instead of physical ones. I am not likely to be the target of violence, since I'm invisible as an old white woman...but the expectations are high of me. I remember when back in my twenties I met David Hilliard and he expected me to become a leader of a student movement on my campus...ah, not me. I quit the movement rather than get a gas mask (and had extenuating circumstances in my personal life that supported my retreat) and I'm not going to be on any front lines now. I support your right to be there. I claim my right to be the flawed person I am.

I probably won't write here very much in the next few weeks. My workload is large, with the extra retail a drain and a time-consumer. I am not feeling the love and affection I like to feel for my work and my community...that will likely come back once we get together, but maybe not. Anyway I doubt I'll find it helpful to crow about it.

Seems to me the toll of what we will have to pay for the torture campaign against American culture is more subtle and a much higher cost than I have ever paid in my life...so yes, there is a deep terror as I watch it play out. I'll need all the antidotes I can find. Writing is a reliable one...but not putting things out in the blogoverse. Back into my research about the pioneers and other local history...and civil rights is a big part of that, so maybe my insight will increase.

I'm guessing things will simmer down and there will be some fun to be had at the Holiday Market and perhaps the holidays in general. I hope I can find lots of butter-free treats so I don't suffer too much from my dairy allergy. It won't help to be sick or deprived of comfort foods, as staying healthy is the prime directive.

Let's all stay as healthy as we can. Think about your words and actions and be careful, be bold if you can and be forgiving if you can't. I will try to bolster my feelings of safety and keep my house warm and reconnect with my good heart. I can admit I have a shriveled black part of my heart that needs healing and compassion...I'm a human too. Maybe I need a kitten. Maybe that is the best use of my internet coverage: kittens and hedgehogs and bats. I have a pair of Stellar's Jays on the suet...when they are not being chased off by a rabid pack of Starlings. Let's march together to the Solstice. It won't be long before the light returns.

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Just Keep Working

Apparently the fucking patriarchy is a zombie. It was painful to go from being a powerful woman back to a second-class citizen. I'm almost glad I'm old, but I feel like I did in 1969 when I had my political awakening...horrified, shocked, and devastated at what is under the shiny shell of America. So many people okay with a fascist misogynist bigot in the White House. Back to the early 1800s for us.

I'm horrified for my son and his fellow young people. I feel like 40 years of patient efforts to work for justice and peace have been ridiculed and devalued...but wait! That's not going to help anyone. Turning depression into angry action is the best way to remain a powerful woman. This is not the end of times. The President is a figurehead that can't do a thing without a powerful team of people who do the things. Nobody is going to be able to work with him...he's a loner. He's going to be blocked and diminished with every step we take in the path so well worn, the path to a better world.

Hillary was never going to save us from anything...Obama has done some amazing things but he still had to sell us out here and there, because this is the world we're part of. It isn't about any of our little needs and it has never been so. It's a big rolling machine that no one really directs and it will keep moving where it goes while we run to keep up. Good people will have to work harder, that's all.

So all the bigots came out of their sheds and got to celebrate their small thoughts, but they don't have the energy to do the work to change things, they were just reactionary and playing a game of dominance. The people who have been working are still working.We're picking up our notebooks and going to our meetings today. The people united are not defeated.

I'm going to the City Council worksession. There's a lot on the agenda, and I don't expect them to cover it all, but I need to hear everything said regarding the current thinking about downtown. We're still functional on the local level, still working for community solutions to our problems, still committed to preserving what we love about our town and our lives. Nothing has changed there.

I have another meeting tonight, Craft Committee for OCF. We have work in progress to improve the crafter's experience with Fair and make things more fair. It's a longterm effort and we're still in it, and will be for the rest of our time. Nothing has been ruined there.

I live in a bubble, and we have weed. Later this week, after I print some hats that say "Just Keep Working" I will get to shift my perspective a little for a few hours and remind myself that birds are beautiful and the skies are incredible and the things I thought were true are at least malleable. This will not be illegal as it has been for most of my life. My personal freedom is fairly protected at this moment in time. My personal  work will be to find the ways my fears will not be realized and to find ways to keep inspiring and bringing beauty to the lives of other humans, while protecting the earth and those who are not human. I know I can do that.

It's going to be harder for our kids. Maybe the real estate markets will ease up with the confusion and loss of faith in the economic sectors. Maybe this will help them not be lazy and excessively pleasure-seeking and learn the hard lesson that things matter: actions, words, and choices. Maybe they don't seem to matter much in the individual case, but in the aggregate, things like this will happen even if we are diligent. So our diligence is necessary.

The policies that led us to devalue education, to ruin our planet, to exploit and plunder our resources have put us here, and given us this common enemy in a figurehead for greed and hatred. It can be a gift to have such a clear example of what we don't want. The Vietnam War and Nixon and the whole military industrial complex are what galvanized my generation, and made us so committed and strong when it comes to peace and justice. So this now is what will give us the will to defeat sexism and bigotry. This is the backlash to our progress on racism and we did make progress. It will not be possible to return us to the dark ages of slavery and people who call bullshit will call it louder. People will work harder. We don't have any other choice.

So dig in and think bigger. We made it through many years of bad policy from W and Reagan, and we will make it through this. Work louder and harder. We may have gained many allies in our work with this. When the bigots gloat, use your words. Don't be meek.

Our young people are strong, determined and mighty in their knowledge of right and wrong. Let's stand with them and make the changes we need whether the figureheads are with the program or not. Don't panic or fall into despair. Go to the meetings. Take the notes.

There is no giving up, we all know that. There is no moving to Canada. Our job just got harder, but it is the same work we have been doing all this time. Forty years of going in the right direction for humanity can not be reversed by some ridiculous distorted contest of power that does not even relate to our daily lives. We will still be able to do a lot with what is in front of us, and we have the strength, the will, and the desperate need to do it.

So we found out that there are more stupid, ignorant, and limited people willing to be that. We're still smart. We're still articulate. There is still the next election, and the work we are doing until then. Keep it up! I'm with you.