Caring about the Kareng Fund.

 Last week at market we had a great morning, just full of joy. There were many people from the Big 10 track meet, all new to market and fun to interact with. We also had a lot of people who were just being themselves, their sometimes weird and unconventional selves. Happy to be in a safe place where they could express whatever they wanted to express, they were also delighted with us, happy to be in a safe place expressing ourselves with our art.

 It was blissful. The predicted rain was just a few drops, hardly noticeable. Sales were great. Then the group of people I call the X-tians showed up with their horrible signs and loud proselytizing and started calling us all sinners who needed their version of fascist purity and moral rules that were what they would insist on imposing on us whether we gave our consent or not.

I'm just far enough away I can mostly ignore it, but it brought a nasty chaos that was more widespread. No one felt very safe. We all felt stressed. It didn't ruin my day, but it contributed to a lot of distress I had already been feeling after finding out some things I hadn't known were also being imposed on me, and others. Bullying from our own management on our members has been escalating. A lot of members are still not aware of it, but many of us have been targets.

Why on earth the management would want to battle with the members is the overlying question. It seems to be a huge difference in values and vision for the organization layered into a very poor skill set at the top. We just don't have professional and skilled management right now.

It adds stress to my Friday night and Saturday morning, but I was very successful this week at setting it aside and continuing to have the market life and experience I have always had and still insist on having. I have noticed an extreme division in the membership though. Some of us are no longer friends, and we no longer support each other. It's feeling tragic to me. We can't even manage to just work alongside each other, without nasty tactics by the people I call the mean girls, and a shit ton of avoidance.

I don't know where that will end. Damage is being done that will last. My post on the Kareng Fund on the members' page is being noticeably shunned...so people won't support the Kareng Fund? Can that be true? I'm shocked. How can that be happening? That is so much bigger than me, or any one of us. We have given over $120,000 in grants to artisans in crisis. What's not to support? And who is leading that effort to disenfranchise us? 

I sincerely hope that tomorrow I will find out that this is not at all true. I have been avoiding that members' page, since it blew up in the coup and I felt trashed, but the KF has nothing to do with that. I'm sorry I posted, and extra sorry I went back and looked at it. I hate Facebook for breaking into the peace I found this week.

I'm going to work on convincing myself all is well and try to recreate last week's joyful morning tomorrow. It used to be like that for me every week. I feel like I have lost so much in just the last two years, after a lifetime of giving, a lifetime of holding things together as unselfishly as I could. 

I didn't actually lose it. It was destroyed. I hope I can let this go. It's heartbreaking. 

I had fun today making these really pretty tote bags. I made too many, as it was going well and I was enjoying printing for a change. 

Edit: there seemed to be plenty of support for the KF today. Lots of people gave items for prizes and we generated some promotion for the Bingo event. A million thanks to Alex for giving up his day to setting up a collection station and giving out bags to the members for their donations. I also seem to still have plenty of friends. Grateful for that.