Can't Write When It's Like This

 Rule number two for me is don't write when you are upset. (Rule number one is Be Honest.) so I'll just say a few small things.

One, the SM Budget Committee did its job and presented the Board with a balanced budget for the next year, as well as a year-end financial statement, and they are both well-prepared and informative for anyone who takes the time to study them. I gave them a once-over but I am way too busy for the analysis I usually give those, so that will have to wait. No one really wants to hear what I think anyway. I'm happy to even just see them. The work isn't done as there are some problematic proposals on the table for the Board to sort through, and some conditions that are still not going to help anyone thrive, but at least there is a semblance of a plan and an assurance that some people are looking with skill at the financial picture. 

Two, The US is insolvent and crushed and the rage and grief are overwhelming. I can't think about it. I have a show to produce and manage and be in, and am wildly trying to finish up the props and other tasks and learn all my important cues. Sorry, world, I have these little tiny responsibilities to help fund an art gallery with my energy and I have to honor that commitment. Never mind that the whole world is burning up and won't stop until we are all cringing in the ashes hoping we can somehow survive it. Sorry, breaking rule number two, so I'll stop. 

Three, the sun is out, though it is cold. All of my cherry and pear trees are in complete, full bloom and it is glorious around here. Bees are attending and squirrels will never be able to eat every blossom so it might just be a year I get some cherries. The tulips are overlapping the daffodils and the quince is still blooming while everything else pops out early and if it didn't all say El Nino and climate emergency, I'd be happy as can be. If I had time to sit on the deck and take it in, I would.

Four, I had an incredible dream last night. Something occurred that made everyone emotionally honest and transparent all of a sudden. People in romantic fantasies saw through them. Liars stopped lying. You could look at a person, see their inner honesty, and even make wry jokes with them that didn't offend, just gave a shared empathy that anyone could access and go forward with as a shield and sword. It was a transformation beyond imagination. Mistakes were set aside. Everyone had the skills they needed and the confidence and strength to succeed in every way. I rushed from person to person with extreme joy and hope. I think I might have experienced death, in a way. Everyone felt a perfect love, though of course words are inadequate to describe it. And then I woke up. 

The kitty was cold and wanted to be fed. The show loomed and my anxiety shot through the roof. I had emails I could barely read without crying.

I just don't think Jell-O Art can fix this. But...I will give it my best effort. Last year it was a battle. This year it is a Jamboree. Perhaps next year, a Jubilee. We need one.