Where I Am

 Just briefly today, I'm deeply grieving an old and dear friend so other things fade to subjects I can't fully address. Obviously the murder of Renee Good is taking the hearts of the world over today, as it should, despite it being so metaphoric and compromised by so many cultural details. Much is being said by others and I hope this becomes a watershed moment for the US public and stops the momentum that has been so disturbing, strengthening the momentum of the resistance.

I started writing my thoughts in a different location. The stalking of this blog for drama has felt debilitating and even though I have possibly helpful and maybe inspiring things to say, I'm so far keeping them to myself which feels like the right thing for me. I wrote nonstop yesterday from 9:00 until 3:00, not intentionally, just had a lot to explore. I journal every day, but this stuff goes deeper. 

True to form I had an empathetic response to the bullying and I'll just say this: I learned a new concept, just new to me, the shame spiral. It's what happens when we feel shamed, and it's the same type of reaction that people have to learn to control and adapt to, the same kind of response to treatment that we don't feel we deserve. Empathy doesn't change what happened, but it helps us move forward if we apply it carefully while still acknowledging damage, intent and all of the rest of what is going on.

I'm exploring this in the context of losing my friend and it's bringing up many areas of emotion that make me vulnerable to more bullying so I can't help you all figure this one out, not now anyway. Go on your facebook page and look for it. Everything we learn about our psychology and our human responses to confusion and oppression is useful right now, so if you have the capacity, do more research and see how we can help each other deal with these complex and rough times. 

The one thing we have to do is be here, present for our community, and my complex thoughts about how to do that and still maintain safety are my struggle, like yours are for you. I'm going to do my work, and I expect to keep growing and working through this life, with you or despite you. 

I'll be back. Be well. Make some Jell-O.