Nightmares

Had quite a nightmare last night that woke me up, which was tangentially about how I am being bullied by the narcissist, but was much deeper in content and meaning. I am extremely proud of my brain which fully processed my reflections before gently waking me up so I could write them down. I was able to take a big leap forward. 

The confusion and dissonance members are feeling is part of the intention. You are not supposed to have clear emotions and reactions to the subtle and manipulative words and behaviors. That takes strength and a lot of experience which I am glad for you if you don't have, complete with a list of narcissistic tactics you have undergone. 

But a lot of us do have that list. Mine is now four pages long. Some keep repeating. Being publicly trolled by someone who is supposed to be a professional, using the public record archival publications of your organization is just beyond the pale. It has happened so many times now that it will not be able to be hidden by tactics like not providing enough copies for everyone to see or not provideing it electronically. . History does not lie, and truth is always waiting in the wings.

And as an additional fun experience, we got to see another narcissist throw a fit when she was outbid on an auction item. She called it mean, whined a lot, and said she was leaving, though sadly she did not. This is the first time in maybe 20 years that we have seen such childish behavior at a fundraiser. Wow. Not her first fit, but the first one I had to sit through. 

Fortunately everything else that happened in two big hard days of retail was warming, fulfilling, and restored any faith I had lost in our community. We are strong, thoughtful and smart, and we are well loved. I had so many people tell me they came especially to see me. Two more days until the end of my 50th season of Saturday Market, a lifetime of learning, serving, working hard for the common good, learning about group process, and keeping myself sustained and joyous through thick and thin. So many wonderful people, and so few people from hell. I will be so glad to restore this offseason. 

And I will be ready for my 51st, if the creek don't rise.