Speaking Only for Myself

That's what I created this blog for, to talk to myself about complex things and work them out through writing. I like to wander through an essay without much editing and just get my thoughts down. I don't often think about repercussions but of course there have been some, so I will carefully say that I am not speaking in any sort of an official role for anyone or any organization. I'm just doing my thinkng out loud.

Big things are happening for the Market as we navigate the changes at the Wayne Morse Free Speech Plaza and Terrace. I've been keeping my thoughts mostly to myself so things can proceed and settle down and I don't inadverdently fan any flames. I've written my complaining posts in the past about what I perceived, being resentful of my efforts being taken for granted, paying for people who were opportunists and feeling like I had no control about what was happening to "my" event. I gradually lost my self-righteous ownership as the activities increased and I was always conflicted about the truly needy and how similar it felt to me to when I was a hippie with some of the same political goals to subvert that dominant paradigm. It took a lot of processing and looking from various perspectives to get a grasp of what was even really happening, as it wasn't any one thing. It still isn't a simple situattion over there.

In the past year or two I viewed it as the Market's community service to support those artists across the street who were genuinely trying to make their way. Our economy now is much more harsh than it was when the Market started 50 years ago, but the obstacles people face as they try to invent themselves are much the same. Everyone has to start somewhere. Expenses to have a safe and "free" event have mounted significantly and it has not always been the case that Market members were willing to tax themselves enough to really make it work. Our values have changed over time. We want to pay our managers well so they will stay with us and love us back. We want to be respected by other businesses and by public entities. We want to respect ourselves, and we want to thrive, not just get by. We're mostly willing to put our money together to meet our goals. It has been working and we are thriving.

For the first few decades we had to work out our rights in what we had been taught was a free market economy. The Saturday Market founders had faced the music rather often by the time I arrived in 1976. Fees were kept super low (it was $3.50 when I was first selling over there, with the 10% of sales,) but there were still days I didn't want to pay that much as I got established. Being always a person who had learned to value honesty ( I got disciplined a lot as a child for lying or just obfuscating and not taking responsibility) I appreciated the faith put in me with the honor system. I knew how to rationalize the times I didn't comply with the full intent of the law. My finely developed sense of guilt did prevail mostly.

Today I'd fight hard to retain the honor system, even though we know people rationalize. Offering the opportunity to rise to the highest levels is the finest way to operate, in my view. Of course the general moral values of our society have been seen to be declining, as maybe they are, but if we play to the lower values we all lose as we are forced to become authoritarian in our policies. This is most certainly not the time to trend that way, no matter what the conditions!

So I support the changes on the FSP, even as I'd like them modified a bit as things settle out. I empathize a lot with people who feel they are being forced back to blankets with the ban on structures. I would personally prefer to allow them, with weights, or at least to build in some exceptions under some conditions. But I don't make policy for the DAZ, and neither does my Market. That is up to the City and County and their attorneys. It is up to the public to give feedback and advice to the governments on those policies, so I have faith that over time a more equitable solution will be found than just an outright ban on structures for shade and rain protection. But that is what we have at the moment over there. And Market has had booths over there in the past when we needed to grow, so that part feels pretty natural. Parking was blocked and one of those spaces is a handicapped sticker space that was unavailable for use. So that needed to be dealt with. Tourists and other customers, and the sellers themselves, needed to be safe over there. And there had to be space for real free speech. Losing that gathering space for protests, those being forced down to the cold Federal buiding, without a plaza, has hurt our community. I want protests to have the audience of my Market, especially those about climate issues and authoritarian, cheating governments in chaos. I want to yell from the sidewalk in support of those on a sunny Saturday.

I suppose I show my age and privilege and relative comfort that I am willing to wait for the public process to evolve and am not up in arms over any particular position on the changes. I had accepted that it was not Saturday Market and we didn't have the desire or right to make policy over there. I could see the parts that are enjoyable about it, the actual freedom of expression that was happening in the drum circle and in people who were just beginning to find ways to use their artistic expression to support themselves. I have sympathy that it is hard to join an organization and pay them money when you are really on the financial edge. What seem like acceptable fees to me would not have when I was in my twenties. We didn't have a membership fee then. Over the years since we instituted it, it has grown to $50 from $5. I can afford it now, but not everyone can. The $25 annual DAZ permit is reasonable. Registering in that way is a step that helps the person access services that are unfortuately not free to provide.

It is still hard for plenty of Market members to make it work financially, at the mercy of weather and customer whim. I know exactly how lucky I am to have developed good-selling products. It's not easy and I have certainly failed at it many times since 1976. I'm mostly stubborn and determined so I've persisted and now it's pretty hard to change. I don't have the resources to stop working and do something more self-indulgent like writing all the books I have on my list to write or read all the ones piled on my coffee table even. I have a vague plan for how to make it when my body gets even less willing to keep up with my desires for complete mobility. I'm at risk and in denial, and I still like to build compassion for others into my thinking in an effort to balance out my relative comfort and privilege.

It was hard to bike down there last week. I was sooooo slow. I had put off getting my bike tuned up but now I have done that so it should be easier this week. I resent that it might rain at the end so that means I have to bring the pop-up and weights. There is nothing harder for me than to haul 75 pounds of sand down instead of a tub of hats. But I don't want my booth to fly away and break in the wind and I'm already doing my little rationalization about my missing 4th leg which still technically requires 25 pounds on it somehow. I bring an extra tall grid to rest that corner on and it complies with the spirit of the law I expect, so I have to call it good. I'm going to continue to do my best as I learned in kindergarten.

I always try to make the best balanced, most reasonable accommodations to reality that I can imagine, but often I see with a start that I have been blind to something glaring to others and have miscalculated. I think that is what happened on the FSP. Politically and realistically the "free" market was very attractive and coherent to some people but the glaring reality to others is that someone was paying for what those sellers weren't. All of us paying fees knew we were bringing the customers, renting the bathrooms, supplying the security and staff that kept it all running smoothly and safely as much as it did. There was just kind of an energy sink over there that was somewhat balanced by the drum circle beating out our heart rhythms, but not fully.

Most people using the space intended and did no real harm to us across the street, but they did not actually enhance us either. Balance was needed. It was inevitably going to feel harsh at first. We had talked about a long, gentle negotiation where gradually leaders emerged who would take responsibility and organize accountability over there, with involvement from supportive nonprofits or other entities committed to progressive solutions. That just did not emerge. I patiently waited for that and tried to support that solution but this quick change is probably much more practical.

I believe it will settle out into some improvement. A lot of people feel better. There was an overload of police presence and I'll never enjoy being surveilled but generally there was compassion and responsibility was developed. I am hopeful that conditions will be found that will allow change within reasonable parameters. It's rather looking like a middle way to me over there although I know it looks more radical to many. I can retain my acceptance that it's not something I personally control, nor do I want to control it. I just want it to work as honorably and honestly and generously as possible.

So that's my two cents. I think the community gradually came to a consensus on most of it. I think we can navigate the rest in good faith without blaming and fighting. I've always been an optimist. Too late to change that. Of course I have also always been a cynic, but there's a balance in there.

Until some glaring light shines in my eyes again...and I blink and reset my thoughts. I guess I'll write again when that happens. In the meantime, I will see you Saturday! Rain or shine.