So much too hot for screenprinting and deflecting bullies. The piling on of bullies on even the concept of an unofficial group like the one Ash started is outing a lot of controlling people and people intent on supporting a controlling agenda. When the OCF groups started (I think it was before the pandemic, when the power politics came in, or maybe before that even) there was a flood of bullies trying to shut down the groups, their discussions, and people's ability to express dissenting opinions or even explore their reactions to official acts. It took awhile to balance out, and resulted in people leaving the community when they found out how willing others were to spread misery. On the site I like, Negative shit we don't want to talk about, we kick the bullies out after explaining that we are essentially a serious but snarky site that isn't for everyone. It's a lovely community for the most part.
It seems not connected to what's happening at market, but actually it is. There are leaders in both memberships and staffs who have been there and subscribed to this new control fantasy that you can get hundreds or thousands of members to only talk about and to accept the company line. This obviously is not possible and is a control fantasy. Now, in a move that is so predictable yet shocking, the market site has been closed down to any but admins and posts they approve, until Wed. night they say. Even after deleting some bullying comments, it looks like they can't handle the free speech issues raised by the people they don't like. They couldn't just delete all the bullying, because some of it was being done by their favorites.
As an admin I tried to let bullying sit a minute for people to see it, and then ask the person to moderate their comments or I'd remove them. Often they would moderate themselves and the discussions could go on. But those times were so much more trusting than these. It's hard to explain that things worked so much better with trust, when obviously it only took one or two untrustworthy people to come in and turn us upside down.
Controllers and narcissists and bullies use similar tactics to take you down and at minimum, discourage you from speaking up, particularly on social media but also in real life. I've gotten schooled so many times from people that insist that whether or not I have an official position, I am a leader and it is my responsibility to stay on message with the power structure and encourage and guide everyone else to do that too. When I had a position, I did feel the pressure of my duty of loyalty, obedience, and care to do what I could to support the company line, until it became an oppression of my moral values and ethics. And then, I quit my positions in both organizations and was surprisingly not more free to express myself, because the bullies didn't really care what kind of pressure they had to use on me, they still found types of pressure to use.
My duty of loyalty is to the organizations, not to their power structures, like our duties in real life are to our communities, our families, our constitution, not to people who want to use power over us. We don't have to do what they want us to. Boundaries are very maddening to controlling people. They tend to deepen and shift their tactics to less direct ones, which if you try even a little bit you can see operating.
One way is that they change the ways they speak about you. Instead of me resigning after many dedicated years of service, I "left them in the lurch." Instead of the person I had always shown myself to be, I was now somehow someone else, according to the stories that filtered back to me. I'm an easy person to bully...I tend to keep my accomplishments and such to myself, and just let my work speak for me. I did a really thorough and more than competent job as an officer, with depths of effort that did not show, but now I am categorized as someone who made "egregious failures." It goes on and on.
It has not been easy to learn how to not allow myself to be bullied, to learn to set boundaries and not care so much. It is necessary, however. They have many tactics to draw you into traps, like the post asking for my participation in a discussion of the GM position and issues. The same person who continues to disparage me all of a sudden "valued my input." The set-up was obviously provocative.
I made a promise to myself when I turned 75 that I would no longer accept the presence of bullies in my life. I blocked a couple on social media, and when they try to engage with me I am not available for it. I pull back opportunities for them to use me. It's not pleasant. I'm not used to it. I am getting more skilled at it, though.
I know some of you readers have not done the study of bullying and narcissism I have done over the last decade, and you will make the common judgement that I am not rational on the subject and manufacturing evidence to show myself as a victim. Study up. There is a ton of information on the internet that will teach you some of the tactics, and the many nuances of how they are hidden behaviors for the most part.
You may not have registered the changes in our organizations since these controlling people came along. You may be confused as to why people are fighting, intolerant, "spewing negativity" (a common criticism of any disagreement) and struggling to participate fully. I am here to tell you that the culture of bullying is being fostered from the top. You can see that in national politics, and it is no different in our microcosm. People with power are using it to hurt and control and dominate others. People who won't accept that domination are being targeted with punishment, banishment, and shunning.
It's always my policy to not trash individual volunteers who are trying, I am sure, to do their best, even when I disagree with their opinions or tactics. I might speak about their positions, or their behaviors, but I am not here to name names. You will need to figure out that part for yourselves. But use your gut feelings, ask questions, and make observations. Watch how dissenting opinions are handled. Watch what happens when someone resists compliance.
I have to get back into the very hot shop and print some black hoodies, which as you can imagine, is something I do not want to do today. But I will. Because my client treats me with respect and lets me know I am valued, worth what I charge, and my dependability is honored. I have let the clients go who don't treat me that way. My life is better for it.
