Resuming Hope

 It's been so tense for so long I don't even feel relieved yet. Truly I don't expect it to be much less tense for the next months, as the norm-breaking intensifies until all of them are steaming piles of wreckage. Then we try to keep working patiently to make that better world we promised ourselves and the future.

We can get back to working on climate issues. We can try to rebuild trust and work together again. There will be some relief when we aren't assaulted every day with nonsense. It's already happened that he is marginalized and ignored, and even delightfully, laughed at. Finally.

Yet we are left with knowing how deeply racist our country is. That is hard to take, but like sexism and other areas of generational progress, there was a strong resurgence of attempts at control and domination and they won't just subside. But we have grown in our resilience and it is important that we didn't give up. It's essential that we really understand what oppressed people have been telling us for so long. We are experiencing it ourselves, always an important factor in developing empathy.

We all owe a debt to the people with the patience to find joy and keep working despite how tiring and hard it is to explain, over and over, how racism works, how oppression feels. We have to be woken up over and over. People seem to have to be personally touched, deeply, by their own experience with it, and even then, the draw back into comfortable numbness is strong.

I made myself stop writing here until the election was over, for a number of reasons. I didn't want to be mined for ways to increase the vulnerability of those of us who are struggling. There is a lot to struggle with. The uncertainty of our lives and health has never been absent, but it is brought back to us every day as the pandemic grows and threatens to engulf us all. Staying home and pretending we are safe is easier than almost anything else. When we have to go out, we are shocked.

I walked through downtown for the first time in a month or two and so many storefronts are empty. Businesses you would not expect to fail are gone. It's so important to support the ones we love. I feel good about the amount of support Saturday Market is getting, and my part in it. We'll be able to keep our staff through the winter, and open next season, and we were flexible and strong enough to bend and not break. 

I feel lucky I have been able to work and have worked hard after those first months of being able to do little but read and wait. Work came my way and I put it on top, and it helped me and others. My ability to print things has made it possible for a lot of value to be added, and give a way for people to contribute when all they had was money and emotion. OCF sold a lot of shirts and was able to retain staff and make plans, even though the plans are not going to give us everything we want. I hope to be surprised that we get more than we expect.

Some things are still blocked for me...I have not been able to get into the archive project, even to find things to support this outdoor Holiday Market we are doing. We have no choice except to close, so we are going to do it, but I dread it really and am not doing my usual cheerleading. I'm old...I hate to be cold and the physical workload is getting much harder, but I have two more months left in me for sure, so one week at a time. 

I will mount up and get into it. Looks like rain this week and next, but sales are good in the rain now Some people are willing to come out and shop as they think the crowds will be smaller. Plenty of people have not been down to the Market and I would have been one of them if I didn't have so many things to sell and so much loyalty to our mutual survival. It's still stressful every week as it seems impossible that someone there isn't unwell and inevitable that someone will get Covid. But so far, so good.

The masks are selling and I got into making a nice full inventory, with pretty colors and lots of choices. Too many, I suppose, as usual. I get a bit obsessed with choices and it overwhelms some people. Others have to look at everything and find the perfect one. It's working well so far and I can relax a bit about my own stock and start working on some custom ones in the works. Going to be a busy month.

Spending a lot of money on my teeth...didn't realize a lot of savings go into that in old age. Everything is really expensive, and I'm just in the root canal stage. I'm grateful I have pretty strong teeth and no extractions yet. Glad the other parts of my body are doing fairly well. Aging is no joke.

Thanks to everyone for the support over the last year, the weirdest one ever. I've learned a lot. I enjoy learning new perspectives and finding areas to explore more and I'm feeling good about the upcoming quiet offseason when I plan to read a lot and maybe really do the archives project. 

Did a lot of house maintenance outside this fall and nothing is too broken at the moment. Always too much to do but that's the way it is. Grateful for meaningful work. 

Good job democrats. We didn't quite get the moral victory we wanted but some of it feels good enough for now. Just keep working.