The Post post

We made it through the Holiday Market, most of us picked up our booths and our spirits and now we are in the lovely off-season. I hope everyone in my circles has a way to stretch out and enjoy the time for creativity and a way to survive the loss of retail for a bit. I am so looking forward to the long uninterrupted time to think and feel unpressured and enjoy the other parts of my life.

Things got a little desperate there, I know I was really over-sensitive and even just a few days off returns me to rational thinking and most of the things that seemed so important are easier now. The funniest thing about irrationality is how hard it is to see it, how hard it is to have perspective when we have lost perspective. We all need people who can ground us and things we do to heal up and really relax. I know even just a bit of solitude and silence clears up a lot of distress for me and after a few days of that I feel normal again.

I'm full of enthusiasm but it doesn't seem forced or over-the-top. I'm excited by Jell-O Art, my true heart's art form that I do for the love of it and to promote the Jell-O Art Show which will be March 28 this year. It is not the first day of Saturday Market, thanks to the sensitivity of Maude Kerns Art Center or the luck of the calendar. The years it lands on Opening Day are way too packed and although I have tried doing both I won't try it again, but I have to prioritize Jell-O if that does happen. I'm the Queen, what can I do? (The link to my Jell-O Art blog is gelatinaceae.blogspot.com )

I'm working on a book about my property and house remodel and am anxious and ready to get back to my research. That means spreading it out on tables in my living room but I like doing that and as soon as the decorations are packed up I get to start again. There will be a struggle for priority between the book and the Jell-O Art but that is not a problem. It's also time to get last year wrapped up for taxes and planning and to get ready to go to Australia (after the Jell-O Show) and do next year's retail season. Between the inside work I will prune the fruit trees and spread my still-giant leaf pile around the yard and learn Italian (for the Australia trip) and make bean soup and watch episodes of Dexter (I finally braved it and actually like the character enough to watch a few more seasons at least.) And read. I really want to read, I have stacks of books half-started to finish and new ones to start.

There's a little pressure to resume fiction-writing but it's hard to bump it up to importance when real life is so interesting. My fiction isn't as self-referential as it used to be, finally. For the many years I've been learning how to write I used my own stories but now they seem so much less compelling. Maybe I've finally told them enough. I'm just entering the period when my son is old enough to hear some of them, though, so you never know. The thin veneer of fiction makes some of them much better stories. He doesn't really need to know if all of it is true. I had a fun conversation with Ken Babbs about Kesey stories. I asked him if he had trouble remembering them and he laughed and said he just made things up. Of course he does. No true stories are really objectively that true anyway after we filter them through our brains and emotions. Still, I am drawn to real nonfiction writing much more than fiction and fortunately my writing group is pretty open to whatever I care to write.

Social interaction can be a problem during the offseason. Despite the difficulties of retail there is still a great comfort in having one day a week to be in the public acting like a completely rational person, interacting normally with other normal people. When I do it once or twice a week I don't have any disconnect around it. If I stay at home alone too long I get a little confused about whether or not I am rational, not that I am one to label myself with a mental illness but like everyone I tend to embrace my own reality over that of other people. It feels comfortable that way. When I get way into Jell-O Art or writing I can immerse deeply and don't welcome interruptions, so I think I put on my prickly suit and drive people off. I have to remind myself that I like and need other people, and I do, so I try for some offseason routines.

I talk to my Mom every Sunday and that works great for both of us. We will be travelling to Australia together so have lots to discuss. I text with my son every Saturday and we both like that as well. I have to remind myself to check on my neighbors or at least notice them when I am out in the yard, and I have to remind myself that the people who work in the Kiva are really not what you would call friends just because I have seen them so frequently over the last 40 years. The blogosphere is the same: these are not really conversations. I am telling you stuff and I am not really even sure who you are, much less what your response might be. I am comfortable with this middle-distance relating but it is not really a substitute for real human interaction.

So I have my meetings and volunteer work and the people I see on my walks and appointments and the real friends and relatives that I now actually have time to appreciate and get together with. It's nice to have the choice. I journal every day and put things in my way to force me out of my cave. I am happy as a clam in the summer sand so don't dig me up, I'll come out when the sun does, but I do send my foot up to look around and see if the coast is clear now and then.

I hope you all had a warm holiday and are doing what pleases you. I won't worry and don't you worry either. All will be well. See you at Art Bingo on Feb. 8th, see you at the SM BOD on Jan. 21, see you at the HM evaluation meeting on Jan. 14th or the OCF Craft Committee that same night. See you at the library or the grocery store or in the neighborhood. Stay warm and dry and help others do the same if you can. Was that the bell?