That was Too Much!

Opening Day of our beloved Saturday Market was yesterday, not too wet, not too cold, and my sales were great! Right on my last year's average, which is an excellent start, and gets me going. I haven't really made any money this winter...lived off savings, felt the luxury of not working for money. Got to focus on my Jell-O Art adventures, my writing, my other needed areas of improvement. It was time to refocus, and I am glad to be back doing retail, despite the difficulties.

I felt especially vulnerable yesterday, and especially tired last night. The emotional openness I bring downtown can be exhausting, and it's pretty hard to protect myself from it. People really need to tell their stories. One word of empathy leads to the next, more horrifying story, as we all figure out how to re-establish our intimacy as well as our boundaries.

I am really so grateful for every sale, every dollar, every word of appreciation, that it gets in the way of business. I am surprised someone wants to really buy, impressed with their decisiveness, and that they would choose me, and my goods, to spend their dollars upon. People actually make a point of coming to support me, and not just me, and it brings tears to my eyes, often. If I don't cry a little on a Market Day, it is an uneventful one.

I got big hugs, ones that conveyed deep heart stuff. I got compassionate listeners. I got frozen out by people who used to like me, drawn in by people I have nearly ignored. I was chosen and passed over. One woman found one thing in the booth she liked, a mirror made by a fellow vendor. Nothing of mine. I got three custom jobs, two of which I had tried to say no to, and am glad I didn't succeed in driving them away. Some of my acquaintances were friendlier, some I missed even saying hi to. I'm sure I breezed past quite a few people who thought I was a snob, or maybe they could tell I was hurrying to get back to my booth. I couldn't shop until after three, and by then the farmers were leaving and I was too tired to want anything.

Whatever is going on with my body, food allergies or hayfever, or something, was a problem but not an insoluble one. I love supporting the food vendors and I dearly wanted to, but most everything included cheese or milk, and I knew it would be a mistake to test that one. Dave kindly fed me spinach, avocado, ham and strawberries, and that got me home, where I had squirrelled away sorbet and things I could eat. A great number of my fellow vendors share these food issues, as it turns out, and they bring their own food, something I have to get more in the habit of. My habit has been to run over and get my faves from the various food booths, or the farmers, and I love so much bringing home cake or fried fish to heat up, a treat and reward for my hard work. I have to change habits, at least until I get a handle on this. It will be okay.

The biking and lifting were harder than they used to be, but I can still do them. I felt weak. I got worried about next month, when Tuesday Market starts, and the obvious future in the long term, but that is just the ongoing challenge of age, of trying not to focus on fears but preparations and adaptation. Lighter loads have to happen, and they will as the weather improves. Everything will work, as it always has, and my job is to relax and take it all in stride.

Sad, distressing, and unexpected things happen, here, there, and every single day. They will be manageable if my attitude is manageable. My expectations have to be in line with what is presenting itself. I can do these things. I'll put a few more things about self-preservation on my list for next week. Like a scarf. I forgot to take a scarf. It would actually have made a big difference.

Time to have my weekly chat with Mom so I'll close. Maybe I'll come back and post photos, if I don't take a nap. I need a nap.