In the thick of it

Mid-Holiday Market, and it's all as usual. Good news is there's nothing on TV so I am not tempted to watch it so I don't get depressed by all those commercials that are so well engineered to make us feel inadequate and required to consume. The food ones are really hard on me since I quit eating dairy. I can't even really say I quit, I just limit it as much as I can and am gradually embracing veganism too. It just makes ethical and health sense so it's getting easier and easier. The dripping hamburgers and pizza don't even really look that good, mostly because I know those oversize shots are fake.

I'm dedicated to reading for hours so I can clear away some of my literary clutter. My livingroom is dominated by the Saturday Market archives and I don't even know if I will get out the decorations, although I probably will. I got them down from the attic. My top priority project is working on my Mom's book so right now I'm reading about sod houses and that early Nebraska history as background. I keep getting distracted by all of the other subjects I am curious about but I'm happy to be curious and to have plenty of resources.

Keeping on an even keel, though I got a cold and remembered how wimpy I am. I did force myself to work this week and the cold was conquerable mostly, but of course there will be more germs this weekend to deal with. Can't do much about that.

I got named Volunteer of the Month at the Board meeting...it's always nice to be recognized. I tried to come up with the reason I volunteer so much. It's not really explainable, except that I like to pitch in and if I perceive a need, it's hard to walk away. I have skills and they're needed. It does seem like my role is changing, though, as the organization changes, and I'm not going to resist that. I will always have a voice, and unless something prevents me from continuing to be a member, I'm guessing I will always find a niche. If it's not in leadership I will do background work. The Country Fair is always there for my time and effort if Market gets tired of me. I feel bad that I don't give more to OCF, but maybe I will get that writing done for the 50th in January when I have a long list of writing projects and will have lots of time to do them.

I guess I have a lot of hope about the political situation as the administration crumbles, though I know it is going to be painful and possibly horrifying to watch the death throes of these people who think they have power. They've done a lot of damage, and according to my conspiracy theories, they're doing things our future will include more of, not less. The riots in Paris are a good example of the kinds of complex movements which will emerge as we deal with the real issues of climate change. Either we deal or we all die...seems clear enough. It's a heartbreak but like the planetary cycles, there will be some good things to come in the midst of the disasters. I'm glad I live in town where I will be able to access resources and probably won't lose everything. Of course there are no guarantees.

Had a bizarre experience last night. My niece wanted to treat me to dinner and she loves Panera, so I agreed to go. It's at Gateway, somewhere I never go...and I had never been to that chain. Their website made it look bearable and it was, but certainly nothing I would choose on my own. The person on the register was an over-sharer...told us how she had lost 140 pounds and got off insulin while she was pushing some pastry on us (I had to accept and it was terrible, but it was just a bite.) She would have kept talking but I cut her off to order. They didn't actually have a lot of what was on the menu but I was able to get something with no cheese, barely. It had a lot of mayo. It was all white bread although there was a better choice that I wasn't aware of. It was all institutional food heated up in a microwave. The place had a fake fireplace and wasn't cozy, but I was there to catch up with my niece and that part was good. Being at Gateway reminded me of what the rest of the country has for choices...that is not my life. Nothing in their pastry case looked appealing in the least.

Store after store of plastic bright and shiny, tons and tons of things I don't need or want...made me see just how small and precious our Market is, and how healthy Eugene is for artists and those who want to surround themselves with real things made by real people. Made me all the more determined to hang onto it and keep nuturing it. What we have built is so full of meaning and life that it will never lose its attraction...it won't fade away with the commercial competition. It will get stronger. It speaks to people, what we offer. They see us, too. All we have to do is get them to come in the doors, and be ourselves. I'm very much looking forward to our 50th season and the opportunity to show us as we really are.

It will help if we can be our best selves. Our affinity for personal drama is one of our worst pitfalls and we have to work really hard to stay grounded and not get into it. It takes vigilance and ethics. I was proud of our Board this week as they navigated some sticky issues and did well. Nobody forced decisions, everyone was thoughtful and compassionate, and people could keep their heads above the possibility of murkiness. It takes leadership. We have some. I'm grateful for it.

Speaking of that, I get to do something this coming week that will feel kind of scary...I will be in the room with some important community leaders. I think I am up to it. I'm worried about how to portray myself, and how to avoid saying the wrong things, but I feel pretty confident that I will be able to keep my perspective. I see people all the time acting in brave and confident ways and I can certainly rise to challenges. I just hope it isn't too intimate...or too religious for me. It's just a couple of hours though. I've learned in the past year how to hold my tongue and wait, and not speak too impulsively. Not always, but most of the time. Okay, some of the time. Guess we'll see.

Probably none of them will know about the Queen of Jell-O Art part. I might not even mention it. As an old woman with an overgrown haircut, I will probably not even draw that much attention. I'll dress down. I won't drink too much coffee. I just hope I don't have to eat cheese and butter. I'll do my best.

See you tomorrow!