I'm waiting for the torrential rains to start; people were pretty excited about the forecast today, down at the Tuesday Market, though we weren't that happy with the tiny spatters that we did get, which were just enough to be annoying. Somewhat similar to the customers today. Tuesday's not Saturday, that is for sure.
Because I kind of wasted my day down there, I didn't get the lawn mowed, and I should have. I also should have gone out to clean my booth at the Fair site, which I had planned to do tomorrow but will probably not get to do because of the torrential rains. If for some reason they haven't arrived by morning, I will probably go out there, which might make me one sorry drenched person, but time is running out for Fair preparation. I got three calls today for Fair-related work.
Waiting for weather is normal, since it seems like at least twice a week I want to know exactly what is going to happen, which of course is a laughable position to be in. Rarely do you get a sure view into the future, unless it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don't really need one if I can be flexible and amused by whatever happens. Now that I have gone to the plastic tubs and two-umbrella system, I didn't really worry much about rain today.
That's something I'm cultivating, to be amused no matter what. It helps a lot. The other day I was apparently completely dismissed by someone: the situation was that I was heading his way with a question, and he saw me and closed himself into a Porta-Potty. It seemed too obvious to be anything but personal dismissal, but of course I don't know anything about his side of the story. After a bit of a rant I got to the amused place, but was reminded again that I don't handle dismissal well. It's part of a range of behaviors that come across as contempt and as my friend says, once you play the contempt card the game is over.
Whether or not it was meant to be personal, I will definitely be avoiding that person. I just won't put him in any position of power over me, even though strictly speaking he is on a heirarchy that I am much lower on. I will sidestep the heirarchy. I will find a way to go around needing his permission or approval or whatever. I might even poke fun at him if I get the chance.
I was reminded today of a prank I did some years back and how fun pranks can be. The trouble I cause is mild, I hope, but once in awhile I like to cause just a little. At the Fair I have a niche of making unauthorized logo shirts, and maybe I will make one this year. It has to be kind of a last minute thing and it has to be inspired. I have lots of them that have fallen somewhat flat, and a couple of winners. The Scarification Crew one (the peach logo branded on the cheek of your ass, in the picture, like a permanent wristband) did not amuse people. It may just have been ahead of its time. The Geezer and Crone and Curmudgeon and Fairy Olympics ones were popular and still make an appearance. The best one ever was This Old Booth, which was about the saga of trying to improve one's booth, beginning with grandiose plans and ending with a tie-dyed sheet. I do still have some of those if you want one. I get so excited about these shirts while I am making them that I tend to lose perspective and make too many. Since they are unauthorized, I can only sell them during non-public hours, which are few during the Fair, so I have quite a pile of old ones. I don't need any more shirts that I can't sell.
The problem I have now is that while I want to poke fun, I only want to do it if it is funny and if it results in some form of enlightenment and not in negativity. Turning the logo upside down has resulted in much amusement, but that was done for the 20th, 30th, and 40th anniversaries and we need to move on now. I would like to poke fun at the bureaucracy but I am kind of part of it and a beneficiary of it, so I have to reach higher for something more universal and something genuinely funny.
I haven't been in that funny of a frame of mind, overworking and not sleeping enough and being on the edge of irrationality. I finally bungied myself in the eye on Saturday, first thing when unloading for set-up, and that brought me back down to earth and really made me slow down and get in better control. I was quite shocked and it still hurts a bit, though my vision does not seem to be affected. It was one of those cosmic things, too, since my friend and I had just discussed bungies the day before and I had dismissed his concerns.
That's right, I dismissed him. That, apparently, was what the entity-who-works-through-the-bungie was getting my attention about. I am good at dismissal too. Maybe that is part of what bothers me so much about it. It involves a denial and resistance and the whole idea that I somehow invited disaster is not lost on me.
Way back when I was in college I read, in the Washington Post, in the little blurb that follows articles, something about a journalist. It described him as spending a year solving an unsolvable problem. It stuck with me because I was at the age of figuring out my purpose, my next steps, and it just seemed like such an original and unexplainable pursuit. I didn't get it, and now the memory itself presents an insoluble problem (like, which word would the Post have used, for one thing).
I think it is what I have been doing my whole life, working on this insoluble problem that is how to integrate all of my wishes and actualities and to really understand and refine myself to the point when all of my actions will be loving and further the general good, and not subtract anything, not bring anyone down. The problem of even completely knowing myself and what I think and do is insoluble in itself. It's all too subjective.
I guess I finally understand that person, though. A problem doesn't really have to have an end result, or a solution, to be worth working on. Sometimes the work itself is useful to the worker. Sometimes there may be other spin-off results that won't even be quantified or noticed. Whoever wrote that had no idea that I would wonder about it for forty years, off and on. Or, that could have been their intent. It may have been a joke. It maybe was some kind of cosmic message there to open up my mind.
Makes me want to plant similar seeds. Maybe I have, once or twice, in all the creativity I have brought to the world. Some of my art has been well loved. A couple of things falling flat does not change that.
So I will be thinking about a shirt for the year and maybe will come up with something appropriate. I'm working on the booth again, maybe tomorrow. Maybe in a torrential downpour. Wait, I'm getting an idea...
nd we collaborated on a fine-looking fence behind it. I even bought a pile of new baskets to put on it.
eople who can weather the changes and grow in more-or-less the same direction. Like the trees on The Site.
s I am too tired to focus. I got 6 of these hats but they proved so hard to print I wasted three. I think they'll be fun to give away though. I'm keeping one for myself.