Nothing like a Saturday

So thankful for the Portland improv with the inflatables that puts the lie to all of the Noem posturing. You can't stay serious with all of those cartoon characters twerking on the news. We will see a lot of this next week with the No Kings protests. Ecologically, I hate those inflatables, but I guess some things can be set aside for a minute while we get our human and civil rights back on line. Clowns to the left, jokers to the right...

Meanwhile things continue to crumble in our microcosm, and we are seeing the real effects of some of the bad ideas from this admin. Cancelling the two November markets (Nov. 8th and Nov. 15th) means for food booths, who pay $271 for a 90-day county permit to sell outdoors, that they only have 3 weeks left to cover, and for at least two of them I am aware of, it does not pencil out to buy another permit at that cost level, so they will not be selling. Crafters are making the choice in public post after post to say it was their last day on the Park Blocks for the season yesterday. Many are already finished.

Because rain was predicted (though as usual it was much less rain than predicted) many booths were not occupied yesterday. Many. Sales were also low, and we had the X-tians, and the Game Day thing at UO with the 12:30 game. Although it hasn't frozen out any crops yet, the farmers are thinning and it's what we have called "the shoulder season," which means we're between peak tourism and peak Holiday buying. It is when we should be promoting things heavily and with great creativity to encourage people to treasure our outdoor community gathering before it is gone until spring. Sadly we have let the title go to farmers as we won't be gathering for two whole weeks, leaving our regulars out and not holding our own as the destination that is always surprising and entertaining. When we are there, we are those things, but when we are not, it's up to the northern blocks. 

Now many people have indeed taken to quitting market for the season earlier, and October probably doesn't pay the bills. I used to put up inspirational posts for why and how I navigate the rainy days and want us all to remember we have bills to pay, but now others must inspire...I don't put myself in a position of supporting the market publicly, except by my presence and the personal interactions I have there. Giving away the market logo bags I made is delightful and they're almost gone. Sad to see the end of those, but let this admin figure out promotions with the untrained and uneducated staff we have left. I'm not sacrificing myself on the altar of the market anymore. 

The Board apology that has run in the newsletter twice in a row now is embarrassing. Forcing the Board to lie for your benefit should be seen as an inexcusable action, but it is seemingly routine and involving lawyers isn't helping. Why would you want a staff that threatens your org with lawsuits? Or if your members are considering suing you as well, why would you let things continue as if this were usual? You have to really wonder at the people making these decisions, how they keep refusing to see this crisis and attribute it to the real causes. Increased member complaints? You don't trash the messengers who are trying to help you. It's not negativity to point out what's going wrong. 

The apology says there was no cause for the firing and boy howdy, that is a provable lie. It's probably carefully worded to hide the fact that financial mismanagement did happen, there was proof, but maybe it wasn't framed carefully enough at the moment of decision. It was a clusterfuck. Board members resigned and then tried to pretend they didn't, a couple of scapegoats were chosen who will likely see their memberships terminated for having opinions, and a fabrication was spun about the skills of the GM which is demonstrably false but people are now intimidated from bringing the truth. 

Domination and control tactics are effective. People tend to feel safe in a somewhat elevated controlled situation, if they can get up next to the predator and don't feel like prey. They have proven to have little regard for those who are chosen as prey or insist on continuing to have unpopular opinions. It is not okay in our community now to speak anything but praise...which translates to a condition where improvement is not actually sought. More control is...as it has seemingly brought safety. 

This is the narcissism I have been writing about. I still can't believe so many of our members have bought into this. They are stressed and confused and are being manipulated and lied to and don't see their way out. I can't help. I can bring facts and evidence, but I may be on that termination list for writing these essays, so I am cautious about what more I am willing to do. I will not sit in the Board room and be lied to. I will not be angered to the point of losing emotional control in the face of dishonesty and oppressive tactics. 

The type of community building and bringing members together that previous admins did is gone, and we are seeing loyalty and commitment go with it. People find them inconvenient (well, yeah...) and cut their losses instead of wanting to build back what we had. I am just in a holding pattern and trying to keep my own life together while I face the fact that I may not have my means of making a living still available to me as long as I need it to be. 

My products sell, and I am lucky that even on a slow day I can make a good amount of sales, so if I can be there, I will likely still thrive, but only if the public comes out and supports us. The pandemic support is over, and this recession and government collapse situation doesn't motivate people to support crafters or chefs, which is why we have always cultivated the community gathering space concept so hard. We want you to come down, regardless of whether or not you spend money, to keep open the vital center city space where we all can connect. But without constant nurturing that ends. Last No Kings the GM handed out flyers and told people to keep their signs down or not bring them into the market...if someone official said that to me, I would find it offensive enough to not return. They said to the media they thought the protests would hurt the market. They won't hurt as much as early football games do. 

Free speech is still necessary within the market. I suppose I will make a bigger sign this week about that. I think it is important for the market to still be there, even on such a big protest day, and I want to see the market included in the protest. You can't both support free speech and oppress it. I would never have dreamed that the market would suppress it, but here we are.

So even though I am only loud in this space which is not interactive, I will still keep it going here despite the threat of punishment for calling out mismanagement. We are well into a second year of overspending and deficits, using our savings to dubious purposes to cover the lack of skills in our admin staff. Members can't cover these debts...our costs have risen with the tariffs and increased municipal fees, our living situations are threatened, and most of our members are well below the poverty line and are now selecting whether or not they will attend based on whether or not they might make money, which is speculation based on higher fees and nonexistent promotions. Market is supposed to be our safety net, a way for us DIY folks to make honest livings based on our hard work. The direct connection from us to our appreciators is clean and simple. Our management is supposed to protect and enhance this, not exploit it for their own gain. 

Please let's address this effectively with honesty and research. We have so much to lose. While I am a lousy fighter and am not good at confrontation, I am a good researcher and I can put two and two together. We have to find accountability and make it stick. 

Showing your bra or your underpants to the X-tians is about all our members could think to do yesterday, actions which had no effect on what was happening. The loud bell ringing was kind of helpful, but my choice as usual was to present the market as unaffected, giving the lie to everything the X-tian men were saying. Giving them confrontation is what they want. Getting manipulated by them is forgivable, but pay attention to your body when you are manipulated like that. Remember that feeling. 

It took me a long time to identify that kind of dissonance and the strategies to lessen its effects on me. I will not engage with predators. Their power lies in how scared they can make me. I do not grant them that power. I will withdraw my support as I have done and do what I can to promote honesty, truth, and the courage to make hard decisions and find common values and actions we can get behind. 

Our members want financial accountability. We want to not be lied to. We want market to be the org we have been so proud of for so long, our lifetimes. A community that stands for connection, right livelihood, participation and meaningful commerce. Inclusive values. Fighting for justice. Being vulnerable but strong. Being on the streets in a dependable way so that everyone can be safe on the streets. Opportunity and support. Progressive ways to interact, ground-breaking ways to communicate and govern ourselves. The hippies are right, and the kids are alright too. 

We should be seeing a lot of inflatable frogs next week, twerking away. People on FB are invoking the famous Frog, who died just before the Repubs stole the last election. I think he would be proud of the inflatable brigades. He wasn't the only Frog, but he would have things to say, and even jokes about this situation we are in. Without the market, he might not have been the inspirational community icon he was...strolling the market every week gave him a home. Many will claim him, but he was us, willing to be funky enough to present authentically while still doing the meaningful work.

See you next Saturday. I will finish out the season in person. Hope you will too. 

Rain arrives

 We've been lucky this season as far as the rain goes, with very few even damp days, but this week looks like some real showers. I will pay attention today as the prediction for the two days is very similar, just a little bit of accumulation, so not really rainy...but too much wetness to depend on the umbrellas this week. 

So I will take the popup and the sand bags and less product and more layers for warmth. But I will go. The early game is a "Game Day" one which means people tend to stay on campus and be where the action is, but it is also Indiana U so I think other people will make a point of coming to market. Not everyone who travels to a football game goes to the game. And these will be people who are mostly new to the market, so they will love everything. Everything that is there, that is. Many, many people don't show to sell on the rainy days. It is devastating for the budget, and with the loss of two market days in November, we just don't have much chance to make it up. The ads are already saying we are over...not helpful, by the way. People just see that and say, well, we can go to HM. You still need to promote the outside market as if it were the best thing ever, every Saturday. Full of joy and wonder.

You need loyalty for that. When I was given a Loyalty medal in 2021 as a way to push me toward retirement by pretending to appreciate me, I started looking more carefully at my loyalty. All of my involvement over the years was really steadfast and I tried to be positive and supportive about every administration and Board, despite my real opinions about the skills, actions and direction that was happening with each change. I tried to stay in there and add my voice as someone who "loved the market," which as I can see now after decades of hearing people say they love the market and the fair, does not make anyone special. Thousands and thousands of people love the market. The difference is who serves the market. Service and responsibility is what I thought I was offering, and mostly that was true.

But as we now know in American culture, calling an organization a "family" hides the ways we are exploited, manipulated, and set ourselves aside for the needs of the org and its leaders. When you have actual generous and thoughtful leaders who really do act for the greater good, it feels right to get next to them and pitch in. Having emotions of belonging and being part of something exceptional elevates the personal meaning and value of the service, but largely that is an illusion we like to live in to help us think our decisions are right and we are doing the best we can do. Which generally, volunteers are.

I found a chilling line in an "old" document (from 2016), minutes from a task force on the Code of Ethics and Conduct, as we renamed the Code of Conduct. We were formed to help the manager at the time who did not have adequate skills to get member buy-in on rules and tried to use control tactics and dominating positions, which were just ignored by the members having a dispute at the time. About half of the participants in this dispute were manipulative bullies who had always succeeded with their domination tactics and they all kind of met their match. We went to mediation and some of the people involved went to the Weekly and the public got called in to testify in letters to the editor about who loved the market more and who could bully the best. It was not a truthful set-up but we did get through the layers in mediation and kind of established some peace for awhile, though the issues were not solved. That manager resigned.

Another part of the task force's work was an actual assault that had happened by another member, whose victim wanted some action, which needed a stronger policy recommendation. The manager wanted the task force to give some policy language that was stronger than we had. As it is now, the policies had not been designed to deal with real toxic behaviors. We had always weathered toxic people somehow and kept them in the membership while they learned how to respect other members more and moderate themselves. Members would usually quit when they failed to dominate with angry encounters, or just give up when it was clear they weren't going to benefit and just be members.

So we strengthened the policy language for a manager who didn't have the skills. The line that chilled me was "If there were ever the situation of a GM who did not handle things well and/or manipulated the Board, an independent Grievance Committee would be the place to discuss the issues more neutrally. It could either be a standing committee that met on demand, or an ad hoc committee that was formed when needed." This was 2016, and maybe we were naive, but we had never had a GM that manipulated the Board. We did not recognize it, if we did. I feel we have trouble recognizing dishonesty, and we have not prepared ourselves for it. 

The Personnel Committee, which handles grievances, is all Board members, so if the Board is being manipulated, the PC can't be a safe space to handle situations of grievance. We need a more independent body, like the proposed Appeals Committee, which has been proposed. It takes the GM out of disputes and lets the Board members do their jobs. When we have a lot of member issues, like we do now, we need a better and safer structure to handle them, with more options for solutions, and this was recommended back in 2016. 

Didn't happen then. Really should happen now. Member dissatisfaction is high and it is hard to disagree with things without retaliation for not "being positive." The "family" structure often demands loyalty and unity and rejects "negativity." What we have now is that every effort for improvement is seen as negativity and people have generally stopped speaking up. The members' FB page is silent. We don't have a forum for discussion. The unofficial page was declared toxic and bullies descended as they did on the official one, so discussion wasn't possible without fear of retaliation. 

I don't think now that my years of loyal service were as healthy as I believed when I was performing them. As an officer without a vote, I often deferred and kept silent when decisions were made I didn't agree with, and I usually could have tried harder to express my opinions, but I felt that the majority had some wisdom and was the "buy-in" needed from the members. I felt compromised sometimes but mostly things went in acceptable directions, and were correctable. I quit when I couldn't ethically find a way to support what was happening, and my voice was not being heard. I didn't want to blow things up as I didn't have the energy to apply to fix them, which takes months of meetings and a lot of effort. I had helped fix things a lot of times. We always do messy things that need fixing. 

The messiness was an important part of members having a say and some power to make the org what we collectively want. It doesn't happen clean and pure. Most of us have imperfect skills and not much awareness of our past mistakes and how we fixed them.

I've been trying to pull things out of the archives that will help the present situation. I personally feel that everyone currently serving needs to read the archives from about 2015 on, to see how we got here. I've been trying to make those available. The myth is that things were "lost" with the poor management periods and the pandemic, but nothing was lost. People just don't seem to have much interest in what got us here, but I hope that will change. 

For instance, just looking at all we had in place in 2019, our 50th season, would help newer people see how strong we were and how many of us were involved and productive. The contrast is striking. But archiving takes time and I have been trying hard to wrap up my house and property for winter (now seemingly having arrived) and get my printing done as I can't do it as easily in the rain. Have been feeling overwhelmed. 

When I do read back, I see how much the org depended on my keeping of the public record. Reading the minutes of the Board and many committees and task forces for which I kept notes so effectively is kind of depressing. I don't think we have that level of records now in any sector. Information and the truth presented as objectively as possible was so important all this time. I feel a lot of guilt for pulling out my energy, instead of a great sense of satisfaction for keeping us on track, for so long. 

But I was that good daughter, the one who just kept working while other people did other things with their time. I wasn't the only one, but I can see how that wasn't as healthy for me as I was imagining it to be. I keep trying to pry out ways that I was controlling or not quite as honest as I believed myself to be. I tried. It helped so much that there were other people watching. If I had said something untrue in those documents, they would have been corrected before being approved. We had teams of people working together. We had so many diligent volunteers.

We have diligent volunteers now, so I try not to criticize them, but help send resources their way. I believe in the truth. I think people prefer it and will demand it when they are not treated honestly. Might be wishful thinking. 

Guess I had better work. We're having some sunbreaks today, so that's encouraging for tomorrow. The prediction keeps getting better, so there's hope.  

"See Something, Say Something"

 It's getting harder to write positively when things are still progressing in authoritarian directions, but I owe it to myself and my readers to keep trying. Certainly just because misinformation is the norm is no excuse to stop trying to counter the false narratives. I loathe seeing the title headline in the newsletter every week. It is taken from a warlike, paranoid playbook and really offensive when all the info in the paragraph is really just providing the info that we have paid Security and a number that you can call to report things to clean up or address. It's drama. 

This week we hear in the newsletter that "there are many more complaints than ever before" but although I agree that this is true, I find them legitimate, and don't want to dismiss them. "The amount of vitriol exhibited by members, old and new" is noticed, but what is not addressed is why this might be so, if it indeed is (I don't believe it is.) The suggested remedy is to join a committee and expect people to not agree with you, but keep offering solutions. "Keep in mind that your problem, and solution, may not be what the group wants."

True enough. What's left out is our current reality which involves power dynamics of control and domination, a lack of transparency, and dysfunctional committees where volunteers are not wanted unless they are compliant with the top-down official program. Efforts are continually made to recruit new volunteers while those who have disagreements and persist in bringing them into the system are pushed out, shut out, not listened to, not responded to, and threatened with termination of their membership. They are even named personally by officers in negative election campaigns. I don't know many people who would persist in trying to volunteer in that atmosphere, whether they are being shut out, or being pressed to be the ones to do these authoritarian tactics against their fellow members.

What I see operating is that because the macrocosm is so horrifying, with the demented Prez and his power structure that is focused on loyalty and compliance, most people are having to tune out to a huge degree because it is so unbelievable and so destructive. So when it comes to our microcosm with some similar difficulties and trends, it is impossible for our members to see and admit the systemic things that are happening to our member-driven market. We don't want to believe that things could get that far from what we think we are doing. But I am here to say that some people lie, and are able to charm others into supporting them in actions that are highly destructive and nothing like what we have ever done before. Our atmosphere of trust is gone and people complaining is not what has broken it.

Speak to any older member or any former staff and they will say "We don't terminate members." We never have in our long history, unless they are egregious in not following rules or break the actual laws. I remember we did have to kick out one guy who was caught dealing pot and caused a bit of a riot when he asked his neighbors to defend him against the police. That was in the 90's. Another guy got kicked out for being actually violent. Generally people would be suspended for a year, asked to get some training in things like anger management, or just left alone to right themselves and make amends for straying from the norms. We find it in ourselves to welcome people back and let them have ideas and opinions of their own that don't agree with ours. Membership is voluntary and we are equals. No one should be put into the position of fighting against another member, and there should not be an atmosphere where dissenters are seen as enemies. That truly is not who we are. 

But one thing that is different now is that we have no stable structure when it comes to what I consider the vitals: a dependably honest public record that is diligently kept, and an overly cautious and responsible financial management structure that protects us from insolvency and provides the place where our many vulnerable members can exist. Our mission to be a business incubator includes the unspoken component that many of our members can not thrive in the regular mainstream business environment. That includes old people, disabled people, neuro-divergent people, people in various social and personal transitions, as well as those trying out new careers and businesses hoping to get a foothold that will support them. This component of our membership is probably a lot larger than the part that is financially successful. They're not always the type of people who are the easiest to deal with...they can be frightened, easily discouraged or confused, insecure, or young and passionate with great ideas that are new to us.   

The members have a level of interest that is sparked when things happen that bother them, and fades away when they are satisfied, doing well, and looking forward to more of that. That's the surface dynamic, but we are so much more complicated than that. We are easy to manipulate with false narratives, and we see the disturbing trends, but we are also generally unwilling to spend a lot of time volunteering that we need to be putting into our own lives and businesses, which are not hobby-level for the most part. Most of us don't want to or can't spend even 50% of our time volunteering and putting in a few years on a committee that doesn't welcome us or listen openly to us is just far too frustrating.

I personally was spending 90% of my time volunteering since our manager left in mid-2021. I was keeping the public record and archiving the historical record and working in the office with the managers and acting managers and whomever on staff needed support. Obviously that was not sustainable for me but I had skills the market needed and I gradually left my OCF volunteer positions to focus on SM, the KF, and other things I do in the community. At certain points I had to let go even when I could not find someone to replace me, and now I can see how scary it really is to not have an accurate public record. Having someone who values accuracy and honesty in that position is something everyone would support, but that is not where we are right now. 

I found it impossible to carry that weight when information was being withheld, controlled, and gates were being erected to keep members from seeing the reality. The whole secret termination effort directed at two food booth owners was shocking and wrong in so many ways. Sure I complained, but minds were made up to follow through with a false narrative and being on a committee would not have made a single piece of difference in having my complaints be effective. In fact, things I tried to do were subverted and blocked, long before I resigned. I was an officer, and I had no influence, so one can see how an ordinary member with no power would be easily frustrated and resort to complaining. 

Members who go through that type of oppression take a long time to admit they are being manipulated, because we value trust and we like to assume people are doing their best and sharing our goals as an organization. I am here to tell you that we aren't there right now. We haven't had any type of retreat to discuss goals and common values since about 2018. We lost all of the tracking efforts we had in place to monitor our financial and members situations so for years we didn't know what we were able to do or how to be wise about things. Some financial tracking has been restored, thanks to dedicated volunteers on the Budget Committee, but their recommendations are still not regarded as informed directions for our operations. We're spending savings that took decades to put away, on things that used to be in place, and are fully restorable, and we are not drawing on our considerable human resources for our continuity and accountability. People who try to bring such things forward are dismissed as complainers and told to volunteer more and longer and expect others not to agree with them.

That doesn't sound like a membership of equals. Now that the bylaws have been changed to allow staff to be members, are they acting like equals to the rest of us? I don't see it. What will that actually look like? Would our equal members have decided to cancel selling days and spend savings without consulting the rest of us? Would they be keeping things secret so we won't know the truth or their plans? I don't think so. However, we apparently have a board that supports these actions and we don't know about most of it except if we hear it as rumors, while being advised to just support whatever the power structure does. I do not support spending savings to cover for lack of financial management skills. I do not support cancelling selling days. Those are our paydays. 

Involving members in real ways can be messy. We have people who get angry and people who will fight hard for what they see as justice. It's not that hard to take them down one by one, shut them out and take away their rights. It should be harder to do that. I think if we weren't in such a toxic macrocosm, we would have more ability to protect our microcosm.

The financial picture for ordinary people at our income level is dire. All of our costs are rising, some unimaginably, and we are going to lose healthcare, access to vital services, and support from the federal, state and local governments that we have little ability to change. We have this one way we can protect ourselves from all of this, our community, where we can use our values to support each other, shore up our systems so we can still survive and even thrive at our economic level, and work together to preserve this precious opportunity we built over the last 55 years. 

We can't be fighting with each other. We can't be shutting out everyone who is inconvenient to deal with. We can't be kicking out members who have an aversion to authoritarian tactics and are obviously distressed and vulnerable. They need our safe place, they need our income opportunities. They need us to work with them and for them, while we work for ourselves.

We saw the X-tian proselytizers return this week with the students. What I saw from my space which was not right on the corner in the midst of it, was a market stubbornly refusing to be ruined by it. We didn't stop doing what we do best, and even just a few spaces from the corner we showed that we were a safe place by the many PRIDE flags and political signs we display in our spaces. We didn't let it become our fight, and to my mind this was because the top-down drama we have been seeing was on vacation. This is not our fight and we do not have the resources to make it our fight. We need to focus on our own issues.

We do need to pull together, use our maturity and experience to solve our recurring issues, and not panic. We have the ability to do whatever is before us, and have done most of it before, many times. There is no crisis that can't be managed. If people feel they cannot manage this without panic, secrecy and things that may not even be legal, much less sensible, than they should step aside, resign or replace themselves or just stop trying to fix the wrong things. Our problem is not our members complaining. It would be a bigger problem if they stopped.   

Knowledge is needed

I'm just going to post my letter to the Board since it wasn't put into the Board packet as I requested. 

 8-13-25

Dear Board of Directors,

I am writing to request that access to the digital Board Packet materials be returned to me for archiving purposes. The importance of a digital archive in this time period does not need to be explained. As paper archives become less complete, I have been carefully saving member email notifications and all documents shared digitally to paper, at my own expense, but to not be able to save and make available digital files takes away a great amount of usefulness from any archive.

For those who do not know me personally, I have been a trusted, solid volunteer for nearly all of my fifty years of membership. From serving in many roles, including as Secretary and Board Chair beginning in the early 1980’s, I have been involved with and contributed greatly to most of the organizational efforts to date. I’ve supported every administration, including this one, with my skills. I’ve often been the person to explain concepts such as confidentiality, most of the parliamentary procedures and structures we use, and most importantly I’ve been able to find and share historical information that has been vital in decision-making. I am committed to the archives and would like to continue to be.

However, I am not asking strictly for myself. As a mutual benefit organization or even as a hybrid c-corp and not-for-profit, our members are shareholders and must be active participants in the decisions made with their assets and in their interests. They keep informed by reading the minutes of the Board and Committees, the newsletters, discussions on social media, and by networking with their fellow members. Many more people stay informed than can be served by the newsletters alone, which are curated by staff with selected details in limited space. It isn’t possible for all of us to attend meetings, even with zoom, which provides only partial understanding due to the technical difficulties. It’s imperfect to just listen to neighbors during the busy day at the Park Blocks. Members need all the available sources of information, sometimes repeatedly, and in context, to perform our own Duty of Care. Gatekeeping and controlling the primary sources of information keeps people in the dark and does not encourage participation.

We are experiencing a drop in volunteer energy and part of the reason is the lack of trust and open communication from the power structure to the members. Not being able to see financial reports, discussions of vital changes in policy and operations, and complete reports of actions erodes interest and trust and creates dissension. Board minutes have always been comprehensive to include discussion points so interested members can know if their particular concerns were part of the decisions made. Communications with the members have traditionally been more inclusive of detail than those of other types of businesses. It’s a tremendous waste of staff time to have to explain things repeatedly one-on-one when our newsletters and board packets can convey information to many members at once.

The analogy I found most useful in group decision-making was that there is an elegant solution in the middle of the table, which can only be revealed by the careful crafting of individual members contributing without reservations to the whole. Members have to feel safe, welcomed, and important to the group process. An atmosphere of trust has always been operating in our organization, which sometimes does require courage but is always worth working on.

Restricting the Board Packet and free access to the business of the organization is shutting down the possibility of the elegant solutions we need. We can’t stay current, we can’t be helpful, and we can’t participate when we can’t freely access the details and have the opportunity to make informed feedback before decisions are made. Please restore transparency and trust to our organizational operations. We would not have survived this long without this vital aspect of our culture.

Sincerely,

Diane McWhorter

The reply (not from the Board itself...):  

Hi Diane,

I am sending you the digital copy of the Board packet from the August meeting. I understand as the archivist, it can be frustrating as this new Board settles in and finds their footing. The information was not being withheld from you, the Board just needed to figure out the direction in which they wanted to distribute the information electronically. I was always planning on getting the documents to you after a decision had been made by the Board.

I am sure you remember a time when if you wanted to see the P&L or the Policies and Procedures Document you had to come into the office to view it. It was not distributed and copied like it has been. I still aim for transparency but also must temper that with the organization’s safety in mind. I apologize if this caused any inconvenience to you.

The packet was sent a month later, so it was withheld. I do not know if it was restored to anyone else. As far as I know, the issue was not discussed although the minutes might show some discussion...I'll have to wait for the minutes like everyone else. For the record, there was never a time when the intent was not to share the P&P document with the members...there was just no staff expertise on google documents for a couple of years. An editable version was shared and of course that had to be restricted...anyone could change anything in there. When we didn't have a GM it was not widely available to anyone, because of that edit aspect. It took a long, long time after Kirsten left to keep our policies and procedures safe. There was a link in every agenda for members to go and look at it, going back to when it was created, but of course you had to see the agenda to find it. Now the digital versions are in a format that isn't copyable and the link doesn't work. You have to ask for it. Gatekeeping.

The willingness to share financial documents changed with GMs, according to their feelings of trust and the surety of accuracy. There were times when dozens of copies were made so that anyone who wanted one could have one, and when the financial statements were offered monthly in every Board packet. Generally out of respect individual staff salaries were not shared, but the total staff wages and benefits was in there. There are some number of us who do understand how to read and analyze financial statements, and every new Board got a tutorial on how to read them at an open meeting so everyone could learn.

And the whole discussion of what our legal status is was part of every Board Orientation. If people believed me, there would not have had to be months of  confusion and anxiety about it. It's public record. I used this template for a few years to orient the new Board members.

Just go to https://data.oregon.gov/business/Active-Nonprofit-Corporations and search for Saturday Market.

Drama and panic that didn't have to happen. It is so important to keep our experienced members in the organization. 

I did notice that a Board Orientation document was finally created, which I hope is accompanied by some discussions about the things that aren't easily documented but more about experience with Board and group process. I hope that will be one of the tasks of the Governance Committee. Knowledge is power. 

 

A seasonal lull

 This past Saturday was by far the lowest sales of the season for me, one-fourth of my usual level of sales. I spent more at the farmers than I made, and also bought food from our members because we are all in this same boat. The financial crisis got to us right away this time I think, when in the past we have seen a lag in how quickly we were affected. 

It's so expensive to come to a football game now, with the increases in tickets, travel, lodging and food, that football fans who do make it to market before the 12:30 start time generally don't spend much. They don't need produce, they eat the continental breakfasts at their hotels, and they eat some overpriced hot dog at the stadium. We had our regulars, but plenty of people had next to zero sales and the market wasn't full. So we're seemingly on a downward income trend that is much more severe than last year. None of my high sales days have been as high, and my lows are lower. The hopeful news is that last year by the middle of September my sales inched back up as the students returned, but then I had to miss October due to my broken wrist so I don't know what would have happened. A lot depends on the time of the game, and on the schedule I have, none of the upcoming games have a listed time, so I don't have much prediction accuracy. Next week is an away game but it starts at 9:00 am, so that might not affect us much. But the pandemic high sales have fallen off. So I fervently hope the Board does not put another fee increase on us. We're just getting hit from every financial side and we need our market to be on our side and find ways to reduce spending instead.

I guess not having a promotions manager will save some money...I hope that this Board also remembers all the ways we have learned to do promotions that don't cost money. I was talking to one member and we agreed that partnering with other arts organizations is one way to do that. Bring members of the symphony or the ballet down to perform and fundraise. Let groups use our platform for our mutual benefit. Network like crazy to make sure people remember us and don't allow ourselves to become part of the Eugene wallpaper. Of course that will be hard without someone to channel those opportunities with skill and professionalism. Setting up those interviews with members who have interesting things to say, doing the work of going to community groups and meetings to bring Market energy in, all those types of things need skilled professionals with the training to show us in our most authentic, loveable way, and not fall into that old, same tie-dye and macrame market image that some people still hold of us. I hope some people step up.

Raising fees just isn't going to be sustainable as we close out the opportunity for the new, maybe inexperienced members to build their businesses. There isn't an endless supply of crafters out there for us to draw from. If there were, you would see Whiteaker and the farmers bursting at the seams and that is not what we are seeing. 

But the market seems to be continuing in this contraction mode where people are feeling shut out and lied to and dismissed. I wrote to the Board and asked that my letter be in the Board packet, but it wasn't so my message wasn't received. I was on the agenda and because I don't attend Board meetings there was no effort to read the letter, and my issue was only addressed for me, not for everyone as I had requested. Whatever, requests are not demands and they said no with their inaction, and I have again been dismissed. I have learned to expect that. Many of us have. Trends like this have happened before, and they won't last forever, but they are damaging. We've seen it before, when membership declines, people get mad, market becomes less important to the community, and we have a slump. 

When we don't have transparency it is hard to work out what the false narratives are and what is the truth that will be helpful in building community back up. Many of us have our opinions but many others believe the opposite, and we don't move forward. Watching from the sidelines is painful but it would be more painful for me to submit to more manipulation and gaslighting so that's how I'm handling it. There are plenty of people capable of fixing these things and some of them are working on it. Some of them are breaking it into pieces that will never come back together, but that is what happens in group process. It's important to remember that things are not really binaries: right or wrong, me or you, us or them, now or never. It's way more vague and open than that when things are this complex. 

 Friendships seem to be what gets lost, but sometimes only for awhile. The routines and necessities of the selling day seem to level things out to a great degree and the community rolls along. We have seen a few people drop out though, when their situations became cruel and too much to set aside. If you support these victims you get labeled and sidelined like they were. We don't have an atmosphere where disagreement is possible yet. I think it's going to be awhile before we get back to reasonable discussions with openness and heart, but surely there are people who will bring that. I'm trusting in it.

Meanwhile, it rained today and I have a lot to do here at home. My porch and steps need a rebuild, which I am not ready to tackle, and I have to paint the south side and finish the summer pruning. The weeds are healthy and seeding everywhere. I got my bandana display working but now I have to decide now much more to invest in them, or if I should minimize the efforts and concentrate on things that sell better. I don't really need to get ready for HM but that is also on the radar. I'm sad to see summer go, as always. We should have some more of it yet, though. Maye later this week.  

 

Doing our jobs on Labor Day weekend

 This week at market we saw the return of the 1:00 football games, which have not really worked for us, to my mind because people who come to attend the game have to spend SO much on tickets, lodging, and food and travel, that they really can't buy crafts or things that they don't absolutely need. And between the incessant supply of free tote bags being given at farmers via On Point and Kaiser Permanente, and the clear bag policy at the games, tote bag sales have tanked. It's a bit of a dilemma, because of course people need tote bags for shopping at both markets, but several farmers booths sell them (it's allowed) and the free ones are showing up every week now. So sure, people need to carry things, but it's not neighborly to give away free products. I mean, what if I give away produce? That wouldn't last long without some protests from across the street, where few farms are able to sell everything they bring. Growth and success are just as challenging as other factors and farmers have chosen to use corporate sponsors and growth to pay their bills which has pushed many small farms out the door and caused a lot of food waste, which I hope is making its way to hungry people. 

Our management decided that LCFM will do their jobs on the two weeks of November between the last outdoor market and the HM, so we can sell, if we want to do it on the farmers terms. I haven't pinned down all the details, and I'm likely to consider it seriously, but just for hats. I expect there would be a very short set-up time with the 9:00 opening time and sorting out how to get a booth with no Tuesday points, but trying to sell tote bags would probably be useless. Yet I really don't want two weeks off in the buildup to holiday shopping. People who mail hats are a significant part of my sales, and they'll just go online if they can't find me.

I personally had my best day at market in a long time...not sales-wise. It was by far my lowest sales day of the season, and it wasn't because I was slacking on my job. I made a new banner for my bandanas and it slowed my set-up a bit, but people just weren't buying. I know two people who had zero or close to zero sales. I guess there's another early game next week, 12:30 this time, against Oklahoma State. Not sure how many travelers we will get from there. Guess we'll find out. But between the weather and competing events, we're seeing a 5-week drop in sales, which I hope is not true for everyone. 

I had such a good day because my faith in myself and my life with market was restored by a counseling session I had which reset my ability to handle all of the vulnerability and challenge of what has been going on. I felt cleared of oppressive thoughts and the actions of others, and way more able to be open and strong with the many things I juggle. I realized I care too much about too many people and since I can be of little help with most of their concerns and challenges (and it isn't my job to do) I need to let go of that deep love to the point where I allow them to pick up their own strengths and challenges and step up themselves. This was part of stepping back, letting others rise, and it takes time of course. 

It seems to be counter-productive for me to even encourage people to participate because of the many false narratives being spread. I'm not trusted by the new people like I am by people who have watched and heard me working for the common good all these decades. People don't really think there are unselfish givers in the world any more. We've been told everything is a transaction and those who can dominate are more important than those who want to collaborate. Destroying the old hippie history is a goal so those of us who carry it must be pushed out to serve this narrative that new is good and old is tired and over. Those of us who still carry the old values have been silenced but we are still there so it won't succeed entirely. Still, lies and manipulation are powerful.

The false narrative that members hate staff is super powerful and you would think no one would support that story...it is demonstrably false every day. We are a team that needs each other. But staff is defensive and has been told that members are after their jobs and don't value them, so every interaction can easily take a negative turn. One happened at the end of the day this week that was shocking and essentially violent and it is not over and is ugly. The people spreading this narrative need to think again at what they are saying and why. Yes of course not all of us like or support every single staff person or the things they do, but that is not something that can be simplified into a "mean members" narrative. I know all the past staff and the reasons they left, and while there were incidents in every term, there were no clear incidences of mean members making staff quit. There were members doing their duty of care to keep the market alive and get the professional staff we are paying for. 

I did get the digital Board packet access returned to me after writing to the Board. However, I no longer trust that it is the full complement of materials that the archives require. I asked that my letter be included in the packet, but it was not. And I asked for everyone's access to be restored, not just mine. So...  

I was really glad I had the increased capacity this week so I could stop packing up to counsel my fellow member who really couldn't grasp everything that had just happened to him in his interaction with a staff member. What I saw was that with the false beliefs and no support for either party, neither of them had the skills to work through the situation to any healthy outcomes and no one felt it was their job to intervene. I tried to prevent it from getting much bigger, but I could only advise a cool-down period and the ugliness that was revealed is not going to be forgotten by those who witnessed or engaged in it. I don't see it playing out well. It has already become part of the story that won't just go away.

There are so many cracks in the facade that everything is fine that I know people are falling into those cracks. I was able to counteract my own fears and re-engage with people I have unresolved issues with, because we all value that Saturday experience where we sell next to each other as companionable equals, setting aside the issues that have to be sorted through in the long term and just doing our simple jobs of bringing our wares to the center of town and creating a magical space for others to enjoy. 

It's never all about money so when my sales are low I just hope that means other people are having good sales and it's a continuum that extends long past one day. There are always enjoyable encounters that don't result in a sale and I have plenty of those, particularly when I feel safe and open to what comes to my space. I like my banner, which got me to sew something for a change, and it changed how things work in my space, so now I have to rearrange again and get a better balance of display so my more expensive products aren't hidden by my lovely but not as valuable bandanas. I like evolving, especially now when it is tempting to do things the same every week and minimize effort. I am doing the opposite and have to keep leaving earlier every week to make these changes work. I am sure it will settle into something workable.

But this is what is called the shoulder season, past the peak of tourism and summer vacations, into school days but not quite to the return of the student traffic we enjoy. It has generally been our practice to advertise more heavily during that time but we're not seeing that. The advertising budget was cut to accommodate other types of spending and respond to the shocking shortfall of $30,000 last year which was still not fully dealt with as far as I can see. We're still spending more and now will be the months that determine how solvent we can get. There are a lot of factors in play. We only have Saturdays and HM fees to make that money we will need. I'm grateful we have a diligent Budget Committee and I hope that's enough to get us through.

I will work hard to hang onto my increased capacity and reclaim my joy in Saturdays and how full of life they are. Nobody gets to ruin that for me. We've endured a lot as a membership and I will always work for that common good as I have been doing, regardless of people's knowledge of it or appreciation for it. It can't matter what other people think unless it helps fortify what is actually the common good, which of course I am not in charge of and can't fully know. Somehow, I do still have faith in it.  

An Unlikely Type of Perfection

 I'm well aware that people who don't like me read this, and I won't speculate about their motives, but I hope they find it boring. I write this for me, to work out the coherency of my thoughts, articulate my observations, record what I experience. I guess I hope people who love me read it, and I know some of them do, but lately my readership has increased and I think I know why.

It's naive to think I won't be targeted in the punishment era, whether for my politics, what I've earned, what I've been lucky enough to acquire, what I've taken joy from. Punishing kinds of people need their targets, and the more naive the better. I have for a long time cultivated building trust, trying to practice peace, trying to limit fear and enlarge the safety and functionality I will need for these next years as I age faster than I am ready to handle.

Yesterday was one of those unlikely, kind of perfect days I love at the market. It was too hot, so I put up 3 umbrellas for me and my neighbors, and with the help of the fountain breezes, made it pretty tolerable in our sunny location. We get shade around 2:30, but we'd be fried by then if we didn't work on a system. We were bored at times with the low traffic flow, but the morning was packed with the kind of relaxed, meaningful encounters it is always nice to have time to fully enjoy.

A friend with probably terminal cancer came by to humble me with his learned wisdom and left me with intense dreams last night and a deeper understanding of what the hell I am doing on this spot on the planet. I did not recognize him, to my dismay, as he was so changed in appearance. We weren't close friends, just the type of market friends who share a mutual enjoyment of each other and don't need to protect ourselves. One useful thing he told me was the things he learned from 30 years of sobriety are also super helpful in enduring the ravages of the ungraceful ends some of us will experience. His body is suffering but he has that inner glow of certainty that whatever happens, he has the skills and tools to work with it. I felt it a gift that he shared that tool kit with me. 

I tried to keep working and smiling and live up to his expectation that I could also handle what he is going through, and what will happen to man of us, and me in some form or other. I mean, I have health challenges. Like him, I will probably not want to talk about them with everyone. I prefer handling my grief in private, so you might see me limp but you probably won't know why. You might watch me simplify, but you won't know my motives. I might ask for something, but hopefully I won't overshare.

I asked for the Thursday HM load in, not for extra help but just for extra time. I am a person who enjoys doing my own work, and like many artisans, I would not want someone else unloading my stuff, undoing my organization and process, and "helping me." I refused it when I broke my wrist and when I can't do market, I might not say goodbye. It's my 50th year, but I don't want a damn medal. I just want to be able to make my own choices and have my efforts respected. That seems logical to me but we are in the punishment era.

There's a false narrative that change is necessary and the founding generation is holding that back, but speaking for myself, it is not change we want to hold back. We just want to retain the important values we have brought forward, for good reasons. We want to be inclusive, transparent, collaborative, open, affirming, empowering and of course, solvent. We want the market to endure long past our own presence there, to continue to serve the wonderful artisan life we have made possible here in Eugene by our hard work and many years of dedicated service to our collective needs and ambitions. We want younger people to feel welcomed to step up, to keep building, to keep enjoying the deep satisfaction of an art-driven, independent life working with like-minded contemporaries. We appreciate each other.

Many of us are not perfect humans and we have always been happy to work around our flaws or mistakes or trespasses, learn to get past them, which can take years, and keep selling next to each other in grace and abundance. We feel pettiness sometimes, we acknowledge our painful encounters and parts, and we still show up and do our best. It's the deep stuff of life to be in a community that chooses each other in this way that is suffused with humility. I may not agree with you, but I support your right to membership in this precious and amazing organization we are trying to shepherd through the years.

We can see and appreciate authenticity and honesty, goodwill and an open heart. That's what keeps people coming back to see us, to work with us, to be us. We can also see duplicity, manipulation, selfishness and people who try to take advantage of us. We have our subtle ways of dealing with those things, generally quietly. We sometimes put people on hold in a way, while we get over our problems and come around to a compassionate place again. We've kept people in place despite some pretty large mistakes, welcomed them back when they have left in anger or despair, learned to forgive them or just stay out of their way until things are okay or good again. I'm in the process of trying to forgive someone who bullied me for ten years. She keeps asking for forgiveness by acting like it never happened, but my memories are too strong for that, so I'm just trying to stay in the present and give her the chance to be kind, now. 

It's not easy to do this, so we need people with skills in leadership so we don't give in to the easier choices of  complete rejection, banishment, egregious punishments meant to break people. Much of the training we have done to keep people in has been to refer to history to see how we worked things out before, to see what we learned when we made the mistakes of banishment, or pushing people until they break. We've waited for a lot of people to figure it out and find other places they fit better. It's more gentle, and fits better with our status as independent businesses to have that membership in our community be up to the member. When it stops working for you, you can leave. It's not the choice of one member to remove another member. Just not built in to the membership system, on purpose.

Which is part of why the punishment era feels so strange. I noticed some subtle changes in the rules in the HM publications, tighter penalties for whatever infractions or creative solutions people come up with to get their needs met. I've seen an intentional build-up of ways to give people in power more power to just eliminate the "problem people" and when that power is in policy revisions, it is often not noticed until it is used against members. The lists of evidence I have seen have convinced me that even being a pretty strict rule-follower will not protect me when it is my turn to be punished.

It's coming. Taking away my ability to keep the digital archive did not come as a personal communication to me...and my appeals for it to be restored have not been responded to by any person. It was just taken, after 16 years of the investment of my time and efforts, including the vast amounts of time I have spent searching it to answer research questions from many people. You would think that some of those people who got the benefit of my research time would value that enough to communicate with me, but so far, crickets. While it didn't seem aimed at me, it hurt me, and continues to hurt me everytime someone asks me to do research. Yesterday I was blithely asked to document one of our cultural nuances and even write a newsletter article about it. It took me all day to process that and I'm still not sure what to do. Obviously to me no newsletter submissions from me will be welcomed, since my direct requests get no response, and I've been misrepresented and even bullied by people who are in charge of newsletter content. That wouldn't be apparent to everyone who asks for research time. I generally like to be asked, and generally enjoy the process and the results. Obviously I enjoy writing and have written many archival articles about various subjects, and would like to continue to provide that rich cultural and organizational resource.

But when things hurt I tend to want to make it stop. I'd like to not think about it. I don't want to spread my hurt feelings to the people who ask me, who aren't aware it hurts. I do hope that people who are taking the actions of the punishment era will notice the hurt they are creating, and do something about it. Find that compassion. See that bigger picture. Think about those values.

I've stood there for fifty years adding my joy and my spirit to the marketplace, freely sharing it as much as I can. I don't want to understand a power structure that wants to destroy joy and spirit. I don't want to have to endure an era where I have to be watching over my shoulder for something to hurt me, as I have been enduring for the last two years. I'm in this community by choice, and I've more than paid my share of its dues. I'm hanging onto that joy that I was reminded of yesterday in that oppressive heat and chaotic creativity. We're bigger than we can see, more powerful than we can know. Even me.