August Days are Full of Memories

Last night instead of passing out in exhaustion (thanks to cold brew) I watched a PBS show that was mostly testimonies from the actual survivors of the atomic blasts of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the Hibakusha, who were teens and children at the time of that horrific, unimaginable destructive force unleashed by liars who said they had no idea about radiation poisoning, and offered no treatment, just occupation and silencing, after the fact. I made myself watch it twice.

I felt that witnessing in that small way was the least I could do for these people and their descendants, who banded together to try to make sure no one else suffered in those ways, as well as the tens of thousands who were obliterated immediately or afterwards, in such horrible ways. Of course war brings so many ways to suffer that we mostly tune out as hard as we can to continue to live in this world where people can treat other people with such inhumanity. I tried and failed to read a long article about Gaza and the Palestinian genocide.

Dehumanizing others is the way it must be done, as we have all observed with the many targets of the war machines we all pay for and accommodate but have little influence upon. We see it growing and cower and just hope it stays as far away from us as possible. I'll always push myself to at least witness their truth whenever it is offered. Presently the wave of lynchings across the US has been coming to the surface, equally horrifying on a different scale, which brings the question of how we can scale and compare atrocities as a way to compartmentalize them and stay out from under the crushing weight of knowing people like us (or even little like us) can prey on other people.

Just makes aversion and escape seem more necessary, carving out safe spaces so we can imagine peace. For a short time, mostly. I try to protect Sundays for that for myself but can't always succeed. 

This was not a typical week and I got very little work done. I was expecting roofers on Tuesday so I spent about a week moving things out of their potential workspace, as I knew there would be some heavy use and unexpected damage that I could only hope to minimize. I marked and widened paths through the gardens and put fences around certain plants, and just eliminated as much yard clutter as I could. Everything went very well, with a new roof and a new skylight that even closes with a battery switch instead of me having to climb up there and put a sheet over it in the heat waves. Squirrels would try to steal the sheets so I also had to take bricks up to weigh it down. 

No more! I won't even have to do any moss abatement for a few years and it was a pleasure to see the workers use modern, improved materials and apply techniques I had no idea about when I shingled that roof in 1996 (they saved me the plywood scrap Richard and I signed and dated.) There was some damage from moisture so they had to replace some plywood and there was a chewed spot where the rats got in, as well as many other issues on my old, over 110 years now, house. I was thrilled to find out I enjoyed leaving it to the professionals, so I am hoping some of the other projects I have been putting  on my same old list for years can be similarly released to people who will do a better job, much faster, than I will ever be able to complete them. It took me two weeks to do the shingling back then, with a hammer...and a lot of help on the sheathing and construction from my friend Richard, who led me through the rebuild that took me 15 years. I could carry about three shingles up the ladder at a time. 

I'm so glad I had that life experience, which I have grown to see so differently over the years, realizing what a gift he gave me in not telling me I couldn't do it. I had no skills or tools but a lot of persistence and foolhardiness that let me learn so much. I doubt I'll ever write those two books about the work, that I started a few times, but I have the photos and the research and whomever inherits this house will get the benefit of those. 

I suppose if I live long enough I will complete those writing projects. Like the roof, things get more daunting over time and I have to embrace telling myself no about so many things now. Things across a broad spectrum of experience and awareness. Life never ceases to present challenges that were never imagined. 

Speaking of Imagine, it turns out that I have exactly one hat, that one, that fits what I think was the Standards objection to my hats. There hasn't been any resolution yet to that situation, just me feeling bad at market every week since, as was probably the object of the harassment. I'll probably never know, as the complaints are anonymous and communications from the committee have not been clear so far. Maybe whatever resolution they come to will be clear, but I'm not expecting that. The question still remains if people will go booth to booth and ferret out every product which potentially does not comply with some revised guideline or other, even if sold for decades by some committed member like me. They are not receiving good guidance on this practice, obviously. Moving the goalposts to put someone out of compliance does not constitute good shepherding of a membership organization or any kind of event or organization at all. New guidelines are applied going forward, not looking backward. You'll care when it happens to you.

My dear friend Luna, who made the beautiful watercolor art for the HM poster and promotions this year, came back after two weeks gone and saw the postcard for the first time. Staff failed to send her a final proof before they sent things to the printer and she had a harsh day weighing how to handle that mangling of her art piece she worked so hard on. The fact that they don't pay the artists anything (you get a free Guidebook ad) does not sit well when they don't do a professional job that enhances your career, as that is basically the benefit you are supposed to get. When you're not proud to show the pieces and put them in your portfolio, which you are building your art career on, it is sad. 

I know how that feels as I have made a few inadequately skilled pieces in my past, which will never really feel well done, including the OCF poster and a few t-shirt failures in the past, but all of the inadequacies were absolutely my fault and I was always treated professionally by everyone who used them or got the revised products or just accepted what they got and made the best of the situation. I know in detail how many objects I have made over time that could have been done better, including almost every aspect of this house, as I am just a learn-as-you-go person, which has good in it but also a lot of compromise. Improvising with the best knowledge and skills you have at the time gets things done, but it can be reckless. All the noise on the roof and the shaking of things in here just made me remember how I didn't tamp down the gravel in my work site as well as I should have. Gravity and the weight of materials is an example of a universal law you really can't get around, at least in the physical world. Just one of many I have fretted about in my own life. She, however, deserved better. Excuses were given but there won't be any ways to correct the damage. 

As we couldn't get around the smoke intrusions last week. Thankfully the market was not cancelled and Saturday was fine, clear and breezy and not that hot, except in the sun which is burning and relentless. The climate emergency is always a topic of conversation now, though we still don't do much about it. Not everyone is willing to do without a car or air conditioning. 

I did finally go visit my podiatrist, which I'd been putting off while dealing with my wrists and other issues, and as I had hoped, he insisted that I should not be just enduring foot pain. With a couple of small things he gave me an almost pain-free day on my feet yesterday for the first time all season and I was walking with delight. Something to mark and protect. It was my limiting factor. It isn't going to go away, but there are ways to be less limited and he was great. He reminded me that there are not many women my age who would do what I do with such capability and persistence. I need to hear that...I tend to minimize myself and my accomplishments, but of course I am amazing. Not the only amazing person, but just someone who could be a little prouder of myself.

I'm getting so much better at boundary issues and speaking up for my rights. It doesn't change the persistent dynamic of being preyed upon by a narcissist, and her enablers, but it takes away their effectiveness. It isn't upsetting anymore. It's still a fact, but now I can work to help others deal with it instead of being defeated by it, and laugh at the escalating tactics that are so predictable as part of the pattern. They look so ridiculous in their posturing as powerful people, when they have extracted all of their power from others, attempting to destroy what was built in order to put their gilded palaces on top of it. Like the Hibakusha, I won't be silenced, though I may suffer. Evil doesn't get to win.  

It may look like it is winning for awhile, but it's important to keep hold of the belief that truth and justice are always working hard. Done by the good humans, who outnumber the predators.  

In Case You Were Wondering

I quickly decided to resume writing the blog, but realize some background info would help new readers figure out how I got to here. Not sure why I thought I could stop commenting on things in a semi-public way, since there is still plenty to comment on. I mainly wanted to extend the relief I felt as I got out from under the market atmosphere and into the Fair one, which is close but so different. There I am allowed to still be the person I have been for this whole time. Somehow at market there is a personality operating that is called me, but is a construction of people who want to see me dead and gone if I'm not going to serve their purposes.

It is now two years since I have attended a Board meeting. I separated myself from it as I felt like the only person in the room doing any work, and I was not only providing a clear and comprehensive public record, but keeping up all of the checks and balances needed to guide a largely uninformed and unskilled group of people who were veering off into the unethical due to terrible leadership. It was overwhelming.

I had resisted being pushed out, stubbornly, since I knew my service was holding the market together, and as the Board progressed into blithely terminating two memberships of food booth owners because those two correctly identified the lack of professional skills in the GM, the Board members basing their unethical actions solely on her gaslighting and the collusion of a couple of her sycophants, I had to step away rather than be accountable for that. I was telling myself to get out of leadership for months, in great distress, as I was discovering how manipulated and controlled I was, along with all of the members. Targeted harassment was setting people up to get kicked out because she couldn't control them. We don't even know how many people were encouraged to leave for various reasons...it's largely secret.

One of the hardest things in extracting oneself from a toxic and predatory situation is that you have already been complicit in many ways that you will be unpacking for months or years as you try to forgive yourself for not stopping it somehow. I still struggle with that, of course. However, I know I was doing my best.

I confronted the narcissist about the manipulation as a control tactic. She was proud of her skills to "work on people" and get them to eventually appear to agree with her. She was quietly putting away all of the past lessons carried forward by our natural leaders and saying that everything from the past was "lost" as she made  no effort to learn about the membership-driven culture that had served us well for fifty years. Her plan was to change everything to fit her needs and to cover up her lack of professional management skills as well as make sure her family had access to all of the resources our system of honesty and trust failed to protect. We knew we had vulnerabilities, but we had not employed anyone before who would proceed to exploit them. 

Tactics I witnessed and experienced included lying, framing false narratives to change perceptions, blocking people from volunteering who didn't serve her purposes, ignoring policies and pretending they didn't exist, and above all, forcing people to do the tasks that were in her job description by learned helplessness, hiding things, and exploiting volunteers who did have skills. I was doing a great many staff tasks myself as we were in a transition but she assumed that I would continue to do that indefinitely at the same time as she was cutting me out of my oversight and participation roles in several ways. She didn't want anyone in the room who was willing to contradict her on anything or object to changes she was making and strategizing to make. She only wanted to work with people she could control or dominate. Playing the victim is so common all of the staff now does it as a response to everything difficult. All of our wages are substandard and all of our members are mean...oh wait, that has been revised: only three members are mean. Our wage levels are great for jobs that are service jobs in a nonprofit. Our gold-level health insurance, paid at 100%, is far more than nearly all companies pay these days, and we have other benefits. We've always worked as a team, members, staff and volunteers, in mutual cooperation and valuation of each other, until the false narrative that people are mean to staff and don't appreciate them, and no one cares enough to volunteer. Why does no one question these lies?

Now a few years later we see all of our fees increased, no financial accountability, and a structure of enablers who won't ask questions, won't examine their assumptions, and have completely accepted the false narratives. While three people who were doing their jobs could hold down the operational tasks, we now need five to cover what is the same amount of work. The false narrative is that we have more members than we ever have, but in the 90s we had over 800 members, so the 500 we have now should not be unmanageable. People repeat this false story to justify how stressful it is for staff to do their work. 

The reality of current volunteering is that she has to keep recruiting new people as people melt away when they are not welcomed, trained, or their time is not used efficiently and their contributions honored. We've gone through four Treasurers as she has refused to allow any of them to do their jobs, instead insisting that they have to agree with what she wants. No one wants to be Secretary when the Board is untrained and dysfunctional, so the public record has not been well-kept and all of the oversight functions of the officer position have been stripped out. We can't get volunteers to do the most basic of tasks, but no one really wants to connect that lack of energy with the treatment people have objected to before they left. 

We barely have a membership nonprofit, a mutual-benefit corporation, anymore. Member rights only exist if the members are in favor with the power structure or too tough to dislodge. She keeps working longterm strategies to manipulate people into reacting to her little torture techniques and then when they do react, she has grounds to remove their membership or sanction them into jeopardy of losing their membership. She uses the charm offensive to put people in place to carry out her plans. Creating drama is the method for putting the false narratives into action. 

Hardly anyone has the pattern recognition skills to see the simple repetition of the abusive tactics and carry those memories long enough to believe me or others who have figured it out, so there is a framework of denial over it all and everything looks fine on the surface. Lies are told about why former employees left, and repeated. The official version of a lot of occurrences is repeated using the same phrases until it becomes the history everyone is encouraged to believe. People unknowingly repeat these phrases as if they were true. Anyone who tells the truth is berated for being negative or complaining or whining. 

It's pretty easy to frame every member who has been involved for a long time as "from the past", out of touch with the current realities and sometimes mentally ill or ditzy or just too old to have a sharp observation or intact viewpoint of some better way to do what we're doing. New is not better. New is just new.  

It's impossible to refute every lie or misrepresentation and the Board is captured. Most people do not even know when they are being manipulated or lied to. I used to ask things like "Why would you want a manager who fights with the members?" but I rarely bother to try to enlighten anyone now. Saturdays are generally just as lovely as they have always been as market rolls along doing what it has done well for decades and most people are fine with just enjoying that and not rocking the boat. 

I could go on, but this in itself is tiring and people aren't seeing a way out. There is only one way out, and that is to hire a real manager who will work to elevate us, strengthen our organization, empower our volunteers in real ways, and act ethically and honestly on our behalf. Someday we are going to look back at this time and wonder just how it happened...and history doesn't lie. 

I hope I'm here to enjoy that renaissance. 

 

Staying Silent is Just Not in My Nature

Well, my desire to retreat and stop commenting on market life didn't last long. After fifteen years or so the Sunday morning essays still call to me to exercise my fingers while I still can.

Feet, not so much. I keep failing to master the right combination of socks and shoes and padding to allow me to stand and walk all day, so I limp and look like the old woman I am. I do firmly believe that standing is good for my sales, as the hats and I are at the right level for the satisfying interactions customers expect and find easy to navigate. A lot of my sales are quick ones as I let people browse without necessarily interacting with me. Making people comfortable to shop from us intimidating artists is a big part of success. While many of us are uncomfortable with selling, and in our "sales personas" all day, we have to make it easy for people to buy things if they are going to do their parts.

There are a lot of tiny factors in play. I like studying traffic patterns as they change in response to weather, other booths, the streets, the crowds, and our infrastructure, and after so many years I have a lot of observations. I will only rarely make suggestions to other members but there are things people can do to enhance sales for others...eliminate side walls for greater visibility, pull back from the pathway in tight spots, arrange their "hot spots" to highlight their best products, and so on. It's not simple but experimenting with it can be fun. Good signs help...of course showing your personality for that connection (as the new Assistant Manager reminded us in the newsletter) is essential. People who can't do what you do want to know more about how you do it, so they can get closer to being who and what you are that attracts them. With a market as intimate as ours, it is all about connections.

And we have so many of them, all day, something that is different every week and really feeds my soul after a week in mostly solitude. Summer is here for me at last and I have a lot of summer projects in the garden and on the house that I want to get on with. Once Lane County Fair is over and my neighborhood gets quiet again, I will continue with trying to lessen my yardwork in various ways as I get less able to do it. I get hand cramps now after just a few hours of pruning and my feet are a problem every day. I don't want to talk about my neck. I remembered that the surgeon I consulted said that there are many people walking around with what I have who don't even know it, so I want to go back to being one of them and not think about it. But of course the body lets you know what you have to do next, so this is just a brief attempt to have a summer on my own terms. I know it can't last. The sun is already moving south on my horizon. 

I haven't met the new AM, by the way. I am on full no-contact with staff and have told them not to use me in promotions, due to the bullying I have received and their non-existent attempts to stop doing it. I assume he got the memo as he has not even looked at me as he passes by. I don't know what I would say to him. Don't believe what you hear? I hope you are able to find the real community that does exist here despite attempts to destroy it with targeted bullying of those of us who carry it the strongest? There's a lot I could say but he needs to have his own experience. 

During the last, intense week of work right before OCF, I apparently received a Notice of Concern about my hats. I got an email from a former Board member with some vague information, as we are not allowed to see the Notices and they are anonymous. It took a lot of inquiries from me to the Standards Co-Chair to get the real information. What I first heard was that I sold a hat that said NO on it (I have no such hat, though I used to have one that said YES) and gradually it was revealed that the rewritten text standard said my hats with one word in a "recognizable font" were out of compliance with the standard.

I was there long ago when the text standard was invented, and it was aimed toward a person who wanted to sell t-shirts she was not printing, with the intention of getting her to do a little more work on her products to make them handmade. I believe it just said they needed to be individually approved like painted objects were...by the full committee or something. I will have to go back and find it. They wanted her to use some art or image that looked like more than a line of type. 

Always in the past when standards were going to be changed, people doing that craft were invited in to consult to work together to make the best standard that worked for the most artisans involved. Anyone who was left out or had a non-compliant product when the work was done was accommodated somehow. That is how four of us got exceptions to the hat standard...we were already making art on commercial hats, so we were given exceptions for the life of our membership. Two of us still have those. All of the hats I was making were approved at that time, and the assumption was that I could continue to do my art as I intended it, though going forward I attempted to put more work into every hat so that it would look more hand-crafted, in the artisan spirit I have lived within for 51 seasons now.

So this Notice, as gradually explained to and interpreted by and to me, was referring to hats that had one word, in a font that was recognizable. I had already written a full explanation of my art-making process and my hat-printing process, as a quick defense as I assumed Standards would be meeting soon after Fair and I wanted to take care of it so I could not have to worry about it during the time I make like half of my yearly income. I do a lot of pre-Fair custom printing and I was not finished with that, not packed up for Fair, and not finished with my own inventory production for it, but I spent an evening jumping through what I thought would be the hoops necessary to avoid a Notice to Appear, which is the next step in the Standards process according to the guidelines. I looked all of this up on the website, as well, as no instructions came from the Committee on how to navigate the situation. I sent that letter to the Co-Chair and found out that she didn't even know about the NoC, or the four Notices rule either, (an easy way for you to get kicked out by getting only four anonymous Notices about anything) which is something I have been concerned about since we entered the Consequences and Punishment Era with this admin.

I spent a whole evening on this when I needed to be working, before I realized what it was really about. I have exactly five hats with one word on them. Two, Eugene and Oregon, are in a hand-lettered style I drew myself, so those two meet the standard. Two others, Geezer and Curmudgeon, are my first two hats, so decades old now, and that lettering was from my stash of 80's press-on letters that you cut out with an exacto knife, press onto a clear carrier, and make a screen from for printing. That's a lot of handwork to make art. There is one, Imagine, that is in a currently recognizable font that I probably did print out from a computer to make into a screen. It used to have an ellipse but I took that off.  As I mentioned,  I don't make a hat that says NO though I want to now.

My main point in explaining my process is that I thought maybe there was someone who didn't know how old-school screenprinting works, which as I do it, as I have for 40 years or so, is a fully hand-done process. I always try to assume the best about volunteers and I know there are a lot of new people on Standards who might think it is their job to scan the market and make sure everything sold should be sold...and getting all of the little guidelines to be consistent over the variety of products has always been a discussion that is worth having. I sat at the table taking minutes for many years and I appreciate the work of the committee and the many difficult discussions they have, working for all of us. As I've said many times, I support volunteers and try to understand their work and support it as well. So I thought telling them about me and my process might be helpful in a greater sense. They might not know that each and every member who gets a Notice takes it very personally. It's highly significant to have the approval of your peers and feel a part of the common efforts for the success of all of us together. It stops people in their tracks to get called up on Standards and I've sat on that side of the table too. 

 My process is as hand-done as it comes. I print on the hat with a little squeegee, and it is hard to do. I waste a lot of hats that come out crooked, off-center, or messed up when I print over that seam in the center. I have to retouch almost all of them with a tiny pen or markers. My crooked hands could show you just how much hand-work I do. Screenprinting is making an original print every time. If there is someone who needs that education, I am happy to provide it, but after the initial parts of this process played out, my main question was, why do this? Why examine and sanction products of someone who has sold for 51 years at your market and has always participated in the most helpful, supportive ways possible? What has changed?

Well, it's obvious. The mutually supportive, all for all culture we created and nurtured is being changed by people who are competitive, possibly mean, and have some notion about what their jobs are that seems counter to the big picture of our mutual survival in the world where there are booths on every corner every day and a whole internet of handmade things fully available all the time. We as a market are not assured we can continue with all the outer conditions we have no control over. So to shift to some kind of internal controls that are punitive and exclusive and after some type of "purity" that doesn't exist is a huge mistake. We are both an entry level market and a place where masters of their craft can sell until they are able to retire or have to. We are so lucky to have both of these levels of craft and everything in between. Our attraction to the greater community is huge but still needs to be nurtured and protected and enhanced, as the public can be fickle and doesn't need us as much as we need them.

Everything that is done that restricts us internally and drives people away is adding up to our eventual failure, as we can lose it all faster than you think. Operating at a deficit for years on end (something we have not done since the 80s when we figured that out) is killing us and the high fees as a solution are resulting in many members skipping more and more markets and trying to just pick the profitable ones. Nobody is studying the factors which make them profitable, though, (the job of good managers who track trends, what is happening around town, and target promotions to those factors) and nobody is trying very hard to do anything to promote more sales for us as individual members, so we can afford these egregious fee increases. I know what good management looks like. Just look at the 2019 archives and you will also see it.

I myself am only doing four HM weekends this year, for the first time in my history. That bill for the whole show was just too high. Skipping the first was something increasingly common, and I decided to skip the last block as well. I sell well on those two days, but the sour taste of being bullied on the last day, and being told by staff I deserved it, makes me want to finish my season without that ending moment that we all used to share happily. No one ever apologized for that incident or even acted like it was significant, but to be bullied by the staff whose salaries I pay was just too much for me. To take that home for Christmas and sit with it all winter had a profound effect that just cost the market $500 I would have paid if it hadn't happened. No one deserves to be bullied. 

I love the market with my whole heart, but I do not support bullying and this targeted harassment and punishment of members. Members have rights. Membership is voluntary. I do not support restricting selling rights or terminating members unless there is some serious lawbreaking from them. I see our community at a crisis point, maybe a breaking point, and I will not stay silent and watch it happen without expressing my opinion. Here. It is what I can do. 

Now that I have your attention...

 I took a break from posting here to write in some other places as things for me at the market just continue to get worse. It's astonishing to me that after giving and giving for 51 years, my experience and expertise is a target for destruction by a very few individuals who are willing to treat my productive life as something they can and will destroy as a game.

Harsh reality that a lot of people would like to dismiss and blame the victim for bringing it up. Refusal to recognize the patterns of a toxic narcissist doesn't prevent the damage and so much has been lost that most people don't even believe it was different not very long ago. It's tragic that so many members do not even know what good management and promotions would look like. I implore you to go look at the 2019 archives if you want to see some ways that the market could be thriving instead of fracturing itself with constant loss. They're in the office and you can see just what professional management frees up and makes whole without the need for coercion and silencing dissent. 

For new readers, maybe come speak with me in person going forward, as I'm tired to my core of experiencing these patterns and being tossed about as if I were a toy. Refusing to engage is bringing me the needed strength to weather this era and we'll see how my future unfolds. 

The moment I drove onto the OCF site I started smiling and didn't stop for over a week. I was seen there, as my real self, the person who gives and supports and brings skills and knowledge that are needed and appreciated. I had so many wonderful interactions and reaffirmed that my life is awesome and I am so content and strongly aging and ready for all the challenges. I did something new and gave 10% to the JHVF to suppport the five nonprofits that will be funded, including the Kareng Fund, whose Board I sit on as Secretary. It made me happy to share that much, and know that it will be effective for a large number of recipients. True community comes when we work together and honor each other, working for the best we can imagine and do. That is how I used to feel about the market before it was captured by the current predators. 

Still digging out from the dusty stuff and organizing things I dropped to be ready for the week in the woods. It was worth the work. I do hope to slow down and enjoy the waning summer a lot more in the next months. 

Sorry to the loyal readers who want to see things revealed here. Maybe I'll mount up again at some point. You can still carry on with your own observations and efforts to protect and restore what the community has built and still treasures. Some of it cannot be destroyed.  

 

 

Life and Death, Right Next to Each Other

 Just a quick word to say I am too busy to relax and reflect this week (month.) I am almost done with my custom work but still lagging on my inventory, so will be working today despite my knowledge that I need rest. I'll go at a slower pace determined by my foot, my neck, and all the other things.

We lost JoAnn Siner, who sold every week for so long, and then could not get enough help to continue. There wasn't any information, no booth bouquet table (and her space was empty yesterday, too.) I miss our traditions. Misy Hansen also died this month, and she wasn't even old. She was our Treasurer at a pivotal time and was a fucking ray of sunshine as her FB says. 

Yesterday was one of the emptiest markets in a long time, and as often happens, it didn't really rain. There were a few small drops. I carefully took my popup and weights instead of my bandanas, but it worked out okay except for some additional physical efforts. My sales to all of the tourists here for the Savannah Bananas were good, but it would have been good for market if someone would have told our members that there would be an additional  120,000 people in town for those two sold-out Autzen events (one yesterday and one today.) The crowd was much like the football crowds, new to us but not buying much, as they already spent a fortune on tickets, lodging and transportation. Informing our members of reasons they should try to show up would have helped yesterday. 

Surprisingly, we had no counter-protestors to the PRIDE march so we got to fully enjoy ourselves with that and the many customers who shopped and surveyed us before and after going over to the Fairgrounds. I took my homemade PRIDE flag and held it up roadside, making wonderful eye contact with so many people I did not know, trying hard not to dissolve in tears. I've only been willing to be out for the last few years, just preferring to keep my sexuality to myself, so I recognize the ways of the closet and the freedom of the declaration of that little aspect of my life. It's never been a big factor for me, so I'm not being particularly brave, just proud of everyone who has been much more out and confrontational over my lifetime so that I can have this bit of safety now.

There were a lot of reasons why people did not come sell yesterday: the show circuit, OCF prep, the lack of real weather predictions we can trust, and fear of the counter-protests, but I know the hike to $25 plus 10% was also a factor. People have told me they are cutting their losses, just choosing the reliably good days to attend. I expect next week to also be half full, as holidays are not reliably good. It depends some on what else is happening. Fortunately the farmers do bring us customers now, expecially when they close at 2:00. The wandering public comes right across the street to wander us. It's sad when we are not very impressive. I wish we still had the member loyalty we carefully cultivated over the decades. 

We'd post on the FB members page about why we come on rainy days, we'd share our enthusiasm for our new products, we'd build community hard. Those of us who have been pushed out of leadership into silence are still carrying these cultural habits, but we're not acting them out. It's a huge loss to our community. Across from me yesterday was the CDR booth, promoting mediation and reconciliation services, and I felt another loss from the access we used to have to that as a tool. I've participated twice, but the last one was sabotaged and when the parties aren't committed, it can't work. I'm grateful to have that skill set that maybe I can use again someday. 

I keep trying on the phrase "My time is past," but you know, it really isn't. I gave my thoughts on closing at Hallowe'en for the year to two Board members, one who had no comment and doesn't speak to me (they're not hostile, just obviously turned against me by the false narrative that I hate the market) and one who did talk to me about it and other areas that we agree on, or are at least willing to dialogue on, and that affirmed for me that we are not all the way broken. I'll say again that there is no part of me that hates the market and it seems impossible that there ever would be. I used to say I helped build the market and the market helped build me. I'm not fully finished yet, and neither is the market.

It's still different every Saturday. It's still delightful, with a warbler of some kind and some turkey buzzards and those who have moved on and newly entered. I bought a cookie from a young person who just might start building too. 

A toast to JoAnn. Sorry I can't find that photo we took at HM a few years back, when you were surprised that you had people to defend you about something or other. I don't remember what it was about either, just that I was surprised that you were surprised you'd be defended. I remember how you were framed as impossibly needy at the end, and more or less forced to retire.

Now that is what I expect for myself...unless we get a chance to restore our community before it is fully gone from our memories and culture. You are in the archives. I still have that one button, "People Not Profits" from that other time when we had a manager who valued our payments more than our persons.

 

Another Compromised Election

 I am no longer the Secretary. It has been very hard for me, though, to not carry forward the amount of my duty of care and efforts that I made in those 15 years to bring the role of leading the members' legal and parliamentary efforts in always positive and inclusive, and legally compatible territory as that officer of the corporation. I'm that officer for the Kareng Fund/Caring Fund and have served as Secretary for most groups I'm involved in, as I actually like to take minutes and do that kind of organizing words. 

I do not have a copy of the current bylaws but it was always clear that the Secretary was in charge of the elections. Mary was Head Teller for years and we wrote the somewhat too detailed election Procedures and Policy document that we always meant to go back to and simplify, but it was better to have too much detail than too little. All of us knew exactly how to do what we were supposed to and there was never any question about the accuracy. I wasn't there when they revised the document in November 2024. 

It was the first election after Kirsten left when office staff didn't read the bylaws and surprised Mary and me at the HM by not only making Election Day the whole weekend, but publishing the ballots and having them available two weeks before, not just to those who would vote absentee but to everyone, many of whom dutifully picked them up and filled them out when the election was two weeks off. The ballot box had not been inspected and re-locked and neither of us had been consulted at all. We laughed nervously and decided a two-day election at HM was an okay idea, but insisted that the ballots not be ready for general distribution. Two weeks before the election did not give any chance for write-ins or anyone else to campaign. 

We wrestled it back into compliance but it was just a battle from then on to be included in the communications about it. The Head Teller is supposed to be Board-appointed every year, even if it is the same person. We were always playing catch-up despite giving everyone the election procedures and copies of the bylaws. It didn't occur to me then that I was already the target of disrespect for my efforts and gradually over the next few years I was cut out of every communication loop that I needed to be in. This was a general campaign to move out the traditional older leaders of the org in favor of new and younger leaders because of ageism. I was doing so many tasks I was even told, at a Board meeting, by a staff person, that I needed help and an assistant Secretary should be appointed. An officer, from the staff.

The tasks I was doing were all about trying to hold the org together in the transition after Kirsten left. She was always most respectful of me and my leadership, so I know it wasn't until after she left, and I know who the people were who wanted me out. I stayed in for the members. I would be there still and in my heart I still work for the members.

Every election we have had since then (December 2021) has been off in some way or another. This just got worse over time until we clearly have corruption from the staff in trying to control what the members want and need. We saw the unethical negative campaigns against the few members who still tried to use the system in 2025, and this time we saw no support for write-ins despite their public statements and name recognition. They were also volunteers seeking to serve, just like the so-called "official" ones we know are hand-picked and recruited by staff. Staff is never supposed to be involved in member elections in any way. Now we see they have been deemed members (no clarity on whether or not they pay the membership fee...) and presumably all vote for their bosses. 

The ballot language was misleading enough that a new one should have been issued as soon as the mistake was discovered. Since they were prepared two weeks in advance for absentee ballots, why was it not discovered? Was the Secretary consulted? He is brand new so may not have been informed of his role, though I sent him the Election Procedures and the former Secretary Job Description from 2023, before it was stripped down to something more vague in a recent Board motion. I knew he might think that was inappropriate, but legally he is held to what the law is, not what the stripped down job description says. He deserved to know what the role of the officer is in a membership nonprofit. They haven't quite succeeded in taking that designation away from us yet.

And then they ran out of ballots and turned some people away, until one of the candidates, or so I heard, forced them to go make more. Did those disenfranchised potential voters get their chance? Who knows? Would it not have been responsible to go make more copies before running out? Was that active or just passive voter suppression?  

As the link for the Policy and Procedures document doesn't work and neither does my access to my portal, I do not have many current documents, unless they are included in the Board packets as they are supposed to be. Changes to policy have to be approved by the Board. I have no idea what the Sec was told about his responsibilities, and in any case, I don't hold him responsible for what happened yesterday. Anyone could have proofread the ballot but we do not have a staff who proofreads. 

There hasn't been transparency for some time, about who the Head Teller might be, or the vote counters, but I believe it is the right of any member to observe the counting process if they so desire. 

If we don't have honest and legal elections, what do we have left for member rights?

 

Busy season is Busy

 Market yesterday was one of those extremely satisfying ones with those random spontaneous encounters that make it so rich. The rain was inconvenient, particularly because we can't get a real prediction these days and the one I counted on was flat wrong, but I was able to keep most things dry with two umbrellas so it ended well. I will do anything to not bring that popup and weights. 

As it was my body was quite worn out last night, though I feel okay today. I've resumed standing all day with the right combination of shoes and socks, though it isn't all easy. I find I do not want to go all the way to the back of farmers, or spend much time wandering (not that I have that kind of time anyway) due to the foot pain. The neck was okay, though not all the way okay. But I still have enough juice to do some summer pruning today, I hope. It is beckoning to me.

A couple of write-ins for the election rounds out the ballot a bit more, so we have an actual slate with choices. And...I see from the newsletter that a Secretary will be in place! I kind of know the man and know enough about him to have confidence that he will take it seriously and we'll be in good hands for minutes and the law, after he grows into it a bit. It's a position that can deepen as your understanding of nonprofits increases, so I hope his does and he sticks with it. 

Our archives are rich with helpful documents and gathered research to support Board and officers, but since the current narrative is that all of our collective knowledge was "lost" or is irrelevant now, I tend to just wait to be asked. I hope all of the Board members know I am willing to provide whatever I have, but not to the ones who have bullied me. I want zero contact with anyone who bullies me. I do not accept that bullying is something we need to tolerate in our community. 

If you are going to judge me by what someone else says about me, ask yourself why. Is this your normal practice with people? I always tell people to make their own observations and not take my word for anything. I don't even tell people about this blog since it is supposedly bringing down the market or some such story. I invite you to read back all 15 years of it if you think I don't support and love the organization we have built. 

Yesterday some of the highlights were a woman from CA who said she was the first Latina brewery owner, starting in 2020 right before the pandemic. She's apparently quite famous now as that type of leader tends to be. We had fun discussing politics, gender and racism issues tangentially as she discovered my bandanas. I also had a sweet interaction with a woman whose son was in the NICU and was in town unplanned...she had always wanted to come to market so took a break to see us. I gave her a hat. She was so calm for someone with that much to carry emotionally. I am thinking she must be a fantastic mother.

As I was finishing packing up, a young father came with his two boys on bikes and they were just having so much fun it made me laugh. I got him to take my photo and gave a couple of pennies to the kids to throw in the fountain, something I do during the day so they have a way to interact with it that doesn't need to involve putting their bodies into it. The three of them were all so sweet it just took away my tiredness and the whole way home (with that headwind!) was a pleasure. 

Here I am! As you can see, most everyone else is gone.

 

 Being next to the fountain is a mixed experience, but we are liking the on-off cycle this season. It gets nice and quiet when it's off so we get a calming moment or two, which is welcome on the high-volume days like yesterday. With Fathers' Day and Graduation this time of year is always very busy for me, since I have gifts for men. I started making some new hats, with a pink bill they call maroon, which are selling out fast every week. Possums look really good on it. 

I just ordered some more. Here's to another week of overworking as hard as I can! 

 

Love it or hate it? Not that simple

 Another beautiful but windy day at the market this week. It is decidedly more windy than it used to be. I hope it isn't a permanent change. There is an added level of stress with the gustiness and it was hard to remain calm. We also had a violent incident from a young man that stuck with us in our small neighborhood and made us hustle to get off the blocks at the end of the day. He did come back, and tried the same behaviors, but not near me, and it felt like a narrow escape. Selling in a public place is not easy.

We're about to have an election without a Secretary, who oversees elections as a vital part of their duties. There was no "Secretary's Announcement," at least not one that got to the members. I don't actually know who is terming off. The three people who are running are nice people who will do their best, but I hope for them they get the training they need and have sufficient knowledge and experience to do the jobs they will be elected to do. With three candidates, they're all elected even if they each only get one vote. Not really an election. I just read through the bylaws and the revised election policy, which is now only "Election Procedures," and there's a lot still there, though a few things are changed slightly. I hope it will be done well by the Head Teller and whomever else is involved. I don't see the "Secretary's Announcement" language anymore. Oh well. 

However, the membership is now so thoroughly divided that anyone running with any kind of nuanced message would not have a chance. It has been "support the current power structure" for some time. I wish these new people well. Group process takes skills and clear communication and a lot of energy, so I hope they are ready for that. 

I feel a compulsion to put out a more nuanced position, but overexplaining is a part of the narcissistic pattern that I just do not have the time and energy to participate in anymore. When there is only one position possible, anyone trying to take another is defeated before they begin. I have to not care about what other people think. I have to just keep moving forward in my life, doing my best to get my work done. It's busy over here. 

I did think of a few things I might say to these new candidates if they should ask for my support or opinion. Mostly I want them to know it is a serious job and not an honor, and it won't just be one meeting a month and joining a committee. I want for them to have their own experiences as I had mine. They will need to do their own moral and intellectual work to govern a nonprofit and serve the hundreds of members. Service and responsibility are what they will be doing. They think they know that, I expect. After so many decades of it, I know it in a deeper way. I used to see myself offering mentorship from that deep experience but now that isn't possible. 

I keep trying to embrace the thought that my time has passed. I have always planned to stay involved in building the market until I am physically unable to participate, so my life has taken a turn that I did not choose. I didn't anticipate hostile treatment and erasure of my real self and real contributions. I'm getting used to it. Struggling to stay in a particular reality is a fascinating development of our era, one that we didn't anticipate being so prominent before the internet. We kind of knew that we were all starring in our own movie, but that sounds awfully innocent now. We're all extras in a lot of mini-series, and we're not getting paid to do it.

Hope everyone has a productive week and we have better sales next week when our fees go up again. The Board meets this week...will we see that HM work task fee go up to $100? If we do, will we see better procedures for making sure people who do their work tasks get it back? That's a lot of money for the market to be holding onto at a time when people are stretched to afford materials and fees just to sell enough to make it pay. I hope they consider not raising it. 

 

So Glorious and Complex

Yesterday was stupendously beautiful and full of everything, and very ironic. My sales were high, and in retrospect I think it was largely students from the UO and other schools who were out for their last market experience, or maybe first, before they leave town. I also had some Father's Day buying, for certain, and just many delighted people who were happy to find something useful in the bright hot sun and steady gusty breeze to keep their hair out of their eyes.

I don't have the energy right now to get into analyzing all of the irony, but it was thick and again I feel how diminished some of us are with this constant defending of our rights to think and speak freely without danger to our livelihoods. I noticed it after I actually gave in to a pushy man who wanted a discount for two hats, and was incredibly persistent. He succeeded in pushing me into fawning mode to get him to go away and that $5 was worth it, but did leave me with a sour taste for the first sale of the day. 

I have a lot of arguments against that type of person and I used a few on him. His wife was on my side. I wish I had stood my ground. Subsequent encounters with similar entitled men left me troubled on the whole, though I had many more visits with sweet and generous, wonderful people who were not like that at all. I see this as part of the cumulative damage that robs us of our agency as we struggle for our personal rights within the retaliatory atmosphere. Any negative encounter seems magnified, and we struggle to stay grounded within other people's disbelief and lack of acknowledgement of what we are certainly feeling, as if we were just creating drama as we are accused of doing. Nope. I have the receipts. 

One of my former friends made an effort to engage with me, I guess to prove how he could play the middle, but again, it didn't feel like support or friendship. I saw his other actions during the day. I can set my opinion aside to let him figure things out over time, but our friendship is over, even if he doesn't accept it. And we can't have the clarifying conversation, not now, and maybe not ever. A universe apart.

And there's a new book about the market, filled with things that represent what I see as a false reality. That person is great at micro aggressions but I actually don't think he knows it. In his author photo he is wearing one of the misprinted hats I stupidly gave members one year, with the market logo so mangled I couldn't even color it to save it. I thought people would wear them in their shops or something, realizing promoting the market or another artist with flawed items is not good for business or public relations, but he has persisted in wearing his. And there it is in a published market "history." 

I'll let go of my criticisms of his take for now as he has a right to his version of our shared reality, but in his last book, after I told him not to write about me, after a protracted set of discussions, he did use my name, and said I sold "hats made in China." Regardless of the effects on me, and the boundary violation, how can he think that is good for market? Yes, my hat bodies are imported, just like t-shirts and many other items that are embellished with craft techniques and safely within the guidelines. But my product has been a target for decades now, because it sells well and is mainstream and popular. So instead of honoring that by wearing a spiffy quality item on his head, there he is. Not a big deal, but history is history. I never want to imagine that people do this kind of thing on purpose, but as we know, some do.

I don't love it when I do well and other market members don't. One of the people I spoke with yesterday made nothing. Went into the negative, actually, as they still had to pay a fee and had paid that $10 a day for reserve and membership. That doesn't say healthy market to me. It's nothing they are doing wrong, either. Their work is expert, they have a variety of low and high-cost items, and they are dressed up and standing and responsive. It wasn't their crowd, for whatever reasons, like it was mine. But it should work for everyone. Their customers weren't being marketed to. 

There are always so many reasons for why we do or don't do well in sales in any particular moment. For me, that first sale threw me off but I quickly got back into gratitude and joy mode by going over to farmers to spend some money. I firmly believe in spreading money around and personally I rarely take discounts and would never ask for one. People set their prices where they are for good reasons.

Everyone has their contributions to make. Those of us still packing on the west block had the eminent  Walker T. Ryan playing and singing for us! I went right over there and thanked him properly, and patiently listened as he told me where all the best open mics are, in a discussion of how our busking policies are hard on musicians. I don't think he really knew who I was, but it was warm and a sweet addition to those fading moments as the day is over too soon for the energy. The drums went late.

It was a full week and this one will be crammed with work and thought, and writing I hope. If nothing else, yesterday was alive with mystery and excitement. A hummingbird visited Dave's (sadly, empty) feeders and he said, had to settle for the real flowers he brings to help sell his products. It then zipped through the booth across from me and narrowly missed me, and was later seen drinking from the fountain. It went by so fast I couldn't tell what it was even. And we had goldfinches, and more, and as I set off for home, up Park Street, one of the last few members to leave, a Great Blue Heron flew over me. I'll take that as auspicious.

Have a great weekend everyone. I plan a lot of rest and weeding today, and then if we get that rain, more weeding after it. I've been moving plants around and might get a vine maple. They are such lovely trees and if there is one in my neighborhood, I haven't seen it. I'd gladly even cut down one of my ancient lilacs, or consider it anyway. I have five of them. They do frame my front porch but they're not looking wonderful and pruning is becoming harder for me. 

Not dead yet, though! Full of joy.  

Connecting with Joy

 Yesterday was one of the most joyous ever, despite the chaos. There were far more, and far more delightful, people dressed in lingerie and PRIDE flags than there were misogynist men and women calling for everyone to shut up and ask their imaginary leader for protection from their thoughts and actions. It was so very noisy, amusing, and inspiring.

Those community members came to make sure that the center of town remains the community gathering place as declared in the 1850s, which though transformed many times with streets and buildings, is still powerful in its role and championing of free speech. The ugly pictures and intolerant ravings of people set on imposing their will on the majority did not win a thing yesterday, and were ebulliently escorted off the blocks when they decided to give up. Their message of silencing women and others was not getting across as women and others would not be silenced. 

My position throughout has been to ignore these proselytizers, whom I call the X-tians, who are from some other planet from the one I live on. Disrupting my day of work in the space I rent is not a fair plan from them, so I refuse to give them my energy. But I also support clowning them as hard as possible, which is what happened so well yesterday.

Amid the cold and inopportune showers, I tried to remain working and had a successful time of it. My foot hurt all day but I stand up, which is part of my success and I enjoy it. As always I got a lot of appreciation, visits from friends and neighbors, and food for thought from observing the actions and words around me. It's heaven for a writer and I wrote 12 pages today without even trying. I doubt I will ever run out of things to say.

Maintaining the frame of mind to do it is the challenge. I'm lucky to know people who can see me in my best light and stick with me while I shine. It's a gratifying time for me, with all of the current Kareng Fund success and a solid 50 years of membership behind me. I'm proud of what we built together and care about so deeply. I'm happy to host the community to come and express themselves, whether I agree or disagree with their thoughts and words. We wouldn't attract those X-tians and their formidable opposition if we weren't the power center that we are.

The irony was thick, as leaders from my own organization struck out to deny the rights of me and my fellow observers and joyful warriors. A leader sent out a market-wide email, something that is not available to most of us, to say that there are three bad actors who need to be removed from the membership for their opinions, but it landed badly and caused a lot of nasty comments on his apparent FB post, which I did not see. I did see a lot of people agreeing with his position, that throwing out members with derision and marginalization is a good value for our leadership to hold, and actions to take against their fellow members when they don't agree with them. Really? 

He didn't name names, so there were some people who think we are friends who piled on me, their friend. Would they really throw me out? Anyone who knows any history at all has seen me in it. I would say there is a preponderance of evidence that I work for the common good, lead from the middle, and care deeply about what the members want and need, coming from a deep understanding of our membership. It was obvious that there are plenty of members who don't know who these three people are, and were willing to believe the false narrative that there are only three of us having problems. It's in the hundreds, folks, which is why the leadership is so desperate to put out this fire.

Nobody likes to be lied to and manipulated and used, but I do think the truth will come out. I see that credit for the financials was not given to the Treasurer who resigned after preparing them and doing so for free for two years. He was so quickly erased and his words not shared, that it astonishes me. He told me something no one is being told...the 2025 taxes have not yet been paid. Those were due at the end of our fiscal year, March 31st. (Edit: I think they are actually due July 15th so I was wrong that they're in arrears.) That should come out of 2025 income. So that financial statement is not exactly accurate. The previous year that happened took a result of "just" $30,000 in losses to $70,000. Yes, a deficit of $70,000. And no one was accountable for that, clear, obvious, mismanagement of our money by our manager. It is in the GM job description. That person in that position is accountable for that duty to keep us fiscally responsible. Not the volunteer Treasurer or the Budget Committee, who did their jobs. The "lead professional." And the Board Chair is the boss of that employee, so the Board is also responsible. 

So firing the GM has been on the table. It's not something that just came up from 3 people. The truth is we are operating beyond our means, and nothing is being done about it but a series of crippling fee raises. It sounds like a lot of people spoke about the fees and finances at the Town Hall, but we still don't have the leadership to address it beyond putting bandaids on it. Because everything is fine!

Everything is so not fine. Half the reserved members did not come yesterday, mostly because they prefer not to sell in iffy weather, and no doubt some members looked at the costs of gas, the raised fees, and their own increased materials costs and said no to what could have been a marginal selling day. We will see this more often, the higher the costs go. We are not in a normal situation that is going to be fixed by selling some branded merchandise, particularly since we don't have a skilled artist on staff to direct or create such merch. I know. I sold my own, created, produced, and paid for by me, for four years with no institutional support. I donated 50 to 100% of the money I made to the market, in 2020 through 2023, when I turned to donating 50% to the Kareng Fund instead, where the need was greater. I got not one post by the market celebrating said merch. Not one, even after I asked for it. Customers loved it. I donated more than $4000. 

I stopped making it and gave the rest away when I began to truly see how much vitriol was being directed at me by the so-called wonderful staff I was paying for. I know what they said, and are saying now, to make a narrative where I am deserving of banning from the community. I know what my reality is. I don't recognize the narrative where everything is fine. For whom?  

Members losing their member rights, being banned from selling, losing their investments, being coerced to sign loyalty pledges that only go one way (supporting staff, not members or the org in general) all know what is not fine. We are being slow-walked to our demise as an organization that ought to be above destruction, as important as it is to thousands of people in our city and region.

And, amidst that miasma of irony and pain, every Saturday we come and connect with our joy. We smile until we hurt, affirm our long, lifetime friendships and family relationships, as well as thr brand new ones, and keep growing together in harmony week by week as we have for all this time. We stand there, feet hurting, and give. And give, and receive to give some more. 

Artisans are among the most generous, loving people in the world, which comes from the way our hands fit our clay, our tools bite into our wood, our stitches line up in graceful lines and spirals. Our kids learn to bake, to make things, to appreciate the process of it and the sometimes awkward results as we work together and apart to make our world hold meaning that can be shared. The value doesn't even fully translate on a day like yesterday, when we struggled to do it in the disarray, the disorder, and the beautiful dissension that is free speech.

So maybe kicking out three or four people who care enough to speak up might be a little shortsighted. Don't just listen to me, though. Think for yourself. 

On Saturday, did you stand with the bullies, or the liberators? What flag are you waving? Mine looks like this: 

 And this:

Be Nice

 Sure, I will Be Nice because I am not a mean person and just have an informed opinion, despite being portrayed as (choose your own derogatory term.) I have not gone to a Board meeting since I resigned as Secretary in August 2024, so for the record, I am not disrupting anyone's experience. I wrote to the Board, as any member must when they feel the Board needs to hear from them, but was and expected to be ignored. Writing in a blog is my free speech right, so if you don't like my opinions, don't read them. 

I am not part of any group or aligned with any other person in my opinions. I base them on the facts I observe and believe to be true. I don't want to argue with anyone, push my view on them, or in any way disrupt the natural flow of market from which we all benefit. I do not go around on Saturdays stirring up dissension. I respect my neighbors and fellow crafters and I keep my rants to this space, to allow us all to sell beside each other. I would participate in Board meetings again if I felt that truth was being told and the values I hold were being honored. I trust a couple of people are still trying to work that way, but the org as a whole is not. I refuse to engage with the people who have bullied me. 

I was prompted to write mostly by the resignation of our FOURTH Treasurer since this manager was hired, as well as four Assistant Managers and a qualified Promotions Manager. That's just the highlight of our staffing picture. All of the Treasurers, when asked, said the job was overwhelming, and all of them were doing the GM job for free while she got paid bigger and bigger bucks, far beyond what any of us earn, with a Gold Plan health insurance, far better than any of us probably have. Her daughter is also on that Gold Plan. We simply cannot afford to support this level of benefits while also being mismanaged in myriad ways. And the org has been unable to convince anyone to be Secretary, despite stripping out all of the oversight duties and the membership support that a Secretary must provide to keep the org lawful, communicative, and to keep the public record accurate and true. That is a whole post on its own and I've written it a few times now. So someone yelling at us to volunteer when things are in this state is not the tone that will help. 

Defend the staff all you want. I'm not anti-staff at all, in fact I am pro-staff. I just want a certain level of competence, harmony, and leadership for my fees. I notice the Chair's letter did not address any of the possible motivations for three (only three, such a small percentage of members) people calling for the replacement of the lead professional. Please note, I have never wanted the Membership Coordinator to be replaced. Let's not confuse the drama with the truth. Sadly, she trained herself and has never worked under a really good manager, so if she did leave out of loyalty I would not be happy, but I would hope for her if she did, to work under someone good at their job next time. 

The Treasurer who resigned spelled out a few issues that he had in mind. I give you his statement:  

5/6/2026 I am resigning as Saturday Market budget committee chair and treasurer effective immediately. I would like to share with you my reasons: 

• In the past Saturday Market staff have done our accounting, usually the manager. Now, staff do basic bookkeeping and data entry, but critical financial, budgeting, and accounting information used to run the business is lacking. The staff and board are relying on volunteers to do what should be staff work. The volunteer treasurer puts in the hours and then meets with the budget committee. They discuss the numbers and make recommendations to the board. Sometimes the board votes against the recommendations when they’re difficult and/or unpopular with management and staff. The budget committee is doing their job, but the board is ignoring the recommendations. 

• We can’t keep raising fees to spend more money. What about our stated mission to encourage new artists? 

• Nepotism exists on our staff. It’s understandable we want to hire those we care about, but nepotism is wrong. It is illegal. It makes honest discussion about ever growing payroll and staffing impossible. And we need to have those honest discussions. 

• I volunteer to contribute my skills and time to a cause I love and to feel good about contributing to a larger purpose. I feel from a financial standpoint we are heading for trouble, and I don’t want to be part of that.

He submitted his statement respectfully but the Chair did not address any of his concerns, but I didn't expect that either. I have a few more reasons, including that anyone who has a different opinion than the Board Chair is vilified, marginalized, and portrayed as a threat or a terrible force that must be shunned. We have over 600 members. One might expect a few different opinions, and a few members willing to put those opinions into the common discourse. One might expect the occasional member who would like to see people held accountable for unethical things they did, or see staff held to their job descriptions, as a minimal expectation of performance. That wouldn't be drama, under real professionals. That would be a discussion of facts, with reasons, and reform if needed. See what happened to the police officer who had a racist discussion? Unacceptable. Yet our manager told one of our esteemed members that she hadn't written a letter she submitted, because her English wasn't good enough. Please note that none of our current staff is bilingual. If there is a language barrier (which there wasn't in that clear and heartfelt letter) than it is on the org, not the members. 

We have a Board, a Personnel Committee, a bit of a Budget Committee left, and some small but I am sure dedicated to their tasks Committees such as HM, Sustainability, and Standards. I have no doubt that most of those volunteers are working hard and doing what needs to be done. As someone who volunteered for most of my 51 years, I know how these things work. I've worked with maybe 20 managers. I've never worked in an atmosphere this toxic. I know just what has been said about me in the office, after instead of thanks after 15 years of hard service, I "left them in the lurch." That was the mildest thing. The office is a professional place where members should never be discussed as gossip, or targets of humiliation and marginalization. I could go on, but this situation is not about me, it's about dozens of members. Not three. Many have gone away rather than deal with this toxicity. 

Not only is my opinion not welcome, I am at risk of retaliation for sharing it, and dismissed with a blanket disapproval of my character, intentions, and hard work for decades. I've been treated much better than a lot of people, so I suppose I should be grateful for that. I have, however, been used, manipulated, lied to, and bullied for the last four years, something that never happened to me in all of the previous decades. Sometimes I had to be the one to stand in the fray, and fire managers who of course had support and people who loved them. We don't all think alike. 

But when it comes to hiring, retaining, and training the good management we are paying for, and deserve, I pitched in to put that in place with my whole heart, and hundreds, maybe thousands of my volunteer hours. I am not deserving of the general vilification of those who disagree and have the courage to take steps that are unpopular. I don't care about popularity. No one is deserving of that treatment for volunteering. It is hard, with many choices that are practical, tough, and needed. Drama about hurt feelings is not a professional response to a professional situation. Drama is now our go-to whenever anything happens. It is driving people away who would make excellent contributions if allowed and respected. The contempt is daunting and undeserved.

I care about affordable fees, benefits, salaries, and the protection of volunteers and other members from manipulation, lies, and attacks on their characters. Not everyone has to think or do things the same way. Discussions are supposed to include diverse opinions and dissent. That is how good policy and decisions are made. Pushing everyone out of the room, taking away their selling rights and community, and vilifying people who have the same rights to their opinions as everyone else, is a losing strategy that will get none of our problems solved. 

Serving the market is not about honor and power and railing against people who disagree as if opinions were threats. Opinions are just that. Being afraid to think for yourself, express yourself honestly according to your observations, and speak about things that need improvement is dysfunctional for a membership organization, and a far cry from anyone's experience in all of our history. 

We've had struggles. There have been things only a few saw or heard and no one wants to bring up, that didn't go well. They become history. It's important that people are honest. Please think for yourself. 

We don't have to take our life advice from Thumper. Nice is not the right goal, to my mind. It falls far short of what is coming from those who would have us shut up. When are they going to start being nice to people who disagree with them?   

Fire the GM

 A call has gone out to fire the GM. It actually didn't go that far, but I pushed it forward. This is the time. There are sufficient grounds, proof, and a preponderance of evidence. 

The entire market is being bullied by one person and what she has put in place. Fees are being raised beyond affordability to pay her and her daughter hefty salaries and benefits that they do not earn. Their skill sets are far lower than the ones needed for these jobs. Everyone feels like a captive in a nightmare.

I'm amazed at the courage of those who are speaking up. And so grateful. I ask myself why I have not railed more often about these issues, why I just took the role of witness without solutions. We should perhaps all ask ourselves that. Fear of retaliation is big, so we need to make sure that all of us stand together so no one is singled out.

The entire Eugene community is aware of all this. Many have been waiting for someone to bring it to light. Pay attention.

Founder's Day

 

I found this poster, folded up and a bit dirty, in Lotte's boxes of archives she gave me. This was the original, first market in 1970. It's astonishing really. I am not sure who made it, though I have one name that is probably the artist, who was a printmaker at the time. Sign your work, people.  Archivists will appreciate it. 

I used to make a huge deal out of our annual birthday, and when the archives were first being organized, I would bring a full tote of them down to market, with tables and tablecloths and flowers and a whole display which first was on the deck, and then in the space next to me, when I was in the little space that is now #132. I'd leave some products home and engage with people all day instead of doing my regular job of selling. It was super fun. 

Back then it was not common knowledge that we started in 1970, or that the farmers sold with us, or any of what we know now that the archives are organized and I've taken notes so I can locate items of interest. The actual archives of the 70s and 80s are locked in the office and presumably you can go and look through them. I also archived the farmers market, before and after they became LCFM, though I see now they have gone back to the false narrative that they started over 100 years ago. There was an 11 year gap between the Producers' Market of old and the bringing back of produce downtown spearheaded by Lotte and her friends and supported for the first 15 years by our market members. The actual LCFM launched in 1979 when the County got interested in helping them. They put out a bid for a sponsor, and Saturday Market was the only one who stepped up. I've given up trying to get them to give that correct history, but someday that book could be written. 

Here are a few photos of the Founder's Day efforts I made back when I was supported in these things. Back before I was undermined and attacked and suspected of all kinds of things by people who wanted me to be little and meek. Back when we had trust and excellent inclusive values in our market. 

 

Kareng Fund Success!

 The Kareng Fund /Caring fund successfully requested a grant from the Jill Heiman Vision Fund of OCF. We and four other nonprofits will receive funds in the fall for our work supporting basic needs. The amount will depend on how much the Vision Fund receives in donations, so while I have always supported the JHVF, I will drop a bigger percentage into that wooden box across the path at Community Village Info. You can find boxes at Info Booths all around the Fair during the event and can also of course donate through OCF at any time. You can find them at https://www.oregoncountryfair.org/about-ocf/philanthropy/philanthropy-vision/ 

In addition, we won a part in the Amplify program just implemented by the Eugene Weekly. We got two free ads, and help with our other ads, so we can let you all know about Art Bingo and help our event to grow and magnify your support. I personally love the Weekly deeply and read it in print every week, plus keep it in the archives when we are mentioned, or any of the other groups I archive are mentioned, or advertise. Support the Weekly! We're so lucky to have great local journalism. And they are trying to stay afloat, buy their building, and train up young writers and artists so just because it is a free paper does not mean you can't give money to them. They are worth it!

And direct donations are always welcome to the Kareng Fund. You can do that at our website,  www.karengfund.org  or to any Board member of the KF (me, Alex, Dru, Dave, Fiona, Bill, Julia, Brandi and sue.) We can be trusted to see that your donations will make it to artisans in need.

We have worked hard at being a responsible, real nonprofit. The only money we really spend outside of grants is to the Center for Nonprofit Law, our agent, who makes sure we don't mess anything up and who is available for our questions. We did spend funds to get the 501c3 designation and to be tax-exempt, and it was money well spent. All of the current directors at the time were trained, by the experts, and we received a lot of training and managing materials to support us, which we share with new directors when we appoint them. It's not all that complicated, but it is essential to us to be trustworthy with your donations of cash and in-kind materials. We do buy raffle tickets and some promotional materials but for things like the Guidebook ad and others,  our Board members generally make personal donations to do that for us. And like good Board members, we put in the volunteer time to make our fund grow and serve. 

We do depend on donations, which generally come from those in the market and fair community, but we need to expand our reach, so if you know people who like to support artisans, pitch it to them. Every dollar helps someone you might even know who is having a hard time. We've given over $130,000 in our twenty-two years. I find that remarkable. Alex wants us to give away a million. It's good to have goals. 

We have printed receipt forms, that will be signed by an officer, for you to use for your tax-deductible donations. I will clarify that not everything is tax-deductible, and you should check with your tax preparer and tax law if you are unsure. Cash donations are fully deductible within the limits of how you prepare your taxes. When you donate a craft, that is what is called an in-kind donation, and a part of that is deductible. When you buy a raffle ticket or an item at the Pottery Smash, and receive something in return for your money, only part of that is deductible. You can deduct the amount of value of your donation that exceeds the value of the craft itself. Logically, you deduct the part you did not get something in return for. Most times, at the Smash for instance, or with the basket, you received far more in material value than you spent. All of that info is widely available online or from the IRS or a tax preparer. 

But most of that is between you and your tax preparer and the IRS. Be assured that we follow all of the steps at our end to be legal, so please ask me for a receipt if you want one. For your envelope donations, if you are a member of SM, you should be getting a receipt from the market that shows your amount,  and you can use that, with our IRS number, (which is on our website, and is 46-1198603.) I will still be glad to give you a form, so please ask. Saturday Market staff used to give those receipts at the market office but I am not sure if they still do; it seems to be inconsistent. Supposedly it is on your profile, but I can't access mine, so your mileage may also vary. Keep those weekly receipts. 

Like all nonprofits, we are transparent with our practices and finances, although the grant process is confidential. We won't tell you who has received a grant, or why. If you apply, that information is safe with us. If the grant recipient wants to give us a testimonial, that is welcome, but we are all committed to keeping your private business private. We don't disclose our donors either, unless it is public information like our recent grants from the OCF and from the Weekly. Nonprofits are required to file forms, the CT-12 and the 990, to show what their accountability is, and for the raffle I fill out a stupidly long form once a year to make sure I am aware of all the raffle laws and requirements, supervised by the Oregon Department of Justice. And pay a registration fee. At the level of our proceeds, this is actually more than is legally required, but I do it anyway, because we have nothing to hide, and there is always a chance someone will take us over that $10,000 level by dropping a giant check into the raffle collections. You just never know. 

For the last three years, we have been undermined and micro-aggressed by the market staff. Now it has devolved to us being accused of fraud. We would never consider doing anything fraudulent with other people's money. I trust the entire KF Board and Friends who have assisted us, so if you hear this nasty rumor, check the source. 

Operating by trust has always been the artisan culture way, and that hasn't changed, although when besieged by predators it can seem foolish and naive. Remember that the crime is not in the trust, but in the predation. Support your artisan community. You may not need help now, but there may come a time, and anyone who thinks to destroy this asset we have built must be stopped and shunned. 

So many people are genuine and good. That's the world I want to live in, and I'll never stop working to do my part to preserve and protect it. Thank you for joining with me in that. Let's leverage these generous organizations in amplifying and increasing the good, and keep moving forward in co-creating the world that serves us all best. 

A Weekend that Spilled Over

 Life is too full sometimes. Market last week was perfect in so many ways, but that part that is not visible on Saturdays to most people is still operating even while we pretend otherwise. Another member was punished in a secret process that resulted in a suspension of selling rights. In the past we protected selling rights for everyone not involved in a serious crime, recognizing that not only is that our main mission and reason for existing, to provide selling space for our members, but that our members have the right to a fair and reasonable process for the times they do make mistakes or get caught up in something that curtails other members' rights. In this Punishment Era, things move swiftly with some people having already predetermined the guilt and outcome before everyone has the chance to participate in a process that honors everyone involved. People make mistakes. They still deserve respect and finding solutions that won't just make things worse. That was increasingly Then and this is disappointingly Now. 

I was trying to explain our traditional culture to someone who hasn't been seeing it, which is a sad part of my present as I feel somewhat sure it is lost in so many ways. Many of us who carry it forward are not being able to convey it, with the false narratives and the short-sighted actions of others who are dominating the org right now. After yesterday I feel more compelled to ramp up fighting for it. I remember that I made a promise to Lotte to bring her legacy forward, and I can't let that drop.  

It was a life-affirming day though, perfect weather and lots of appreciative participants of every kind. I rode home much lighter and had an event to be at by 7:00 pm, which is generally when I get finished, but I ended up having plenty of time to walk down there and enjoy it in a relaxed way. I was so glad I made the effort. A delightful friend launched her book with a layered experience that she had lined up for all of us. She brilliantly staged the violin, drums and recorders, as well as a second poet and a dancer, all around the audience so we felt asked to be part of things, not just observers of them. She even had a comment period at the end where many of us spoke our appreciation and reflections of her nuanced expressions. It was lovely and I walked home with a smile and some cookies that made up for the fact that I had been too busy at the market to get my usual cookies for the week. I'm savoring them slowly.

Sunday was quiet dishwashing time until I went to a memorial for my dear friend George, a 50-year friend who, as it turns out, I knew much less of than I thought. He was revealed as a person who made a special connection with all of us, so that we knew how much we had to contribute and felt honored and supported to do that. His legacy was so strong that it will persist as not many individuals will after their bodies are used up. The stories were not enough, just glimpses, and we had cards to write more for a book I can't wait to read. Still we won't hear everything. I won't tell everything I know, though I've written about our friendship before over the years and may still have more to say.

I remembered that he had built me my first bike cart! I had forgotten that I asked him to do that after my idea for a cart that would make itself into a booth didn't really work out in 1976. He welded me up an aluminum and steel very serviceable cart I used for years. Since I still or again bike to the market, which I have done for the majority of my time selling, his support created a lasting planetary effect. We saved thousands of gallons of fossil fuels over my 51-year retail lifespan. And of course there were ripples. 

I was kind of in the fringes of his big circle but I was his signpainter and screenprinter for most of our history, and he was my longest collaborator. No one really spoke about the fabulous treehouse which is painted like a Romany wagon in the sky, which I painted a lot of gold One-Shot onto, twice. He let me choose the designs and set me free. The first time it took 80 hours and we hadn't discussed money, so I made myself charge him $10 an hour even though that sounded outrageous, and as usual, he never questioned my bill. The second time was just a couple of years ago and a lovely space of time when I was at his house daily watching and being in his life, a time I will treasure. I did it for the cost of materials, so free. I was honored to do that. I was paid in a few peaches, some glorious summer days and a peaceful, enriching space in my life for my memory bank.

To me we had a deep love without attachment or expectations, which is the ideal I reach for in relationships, just love, no complications. No desire, no suffering, the space to disagree or adjust to events and still love. It prompted me to share with a friend who agreed..."I will never be mad at you." Could be true, and if we say it out loud like that there is a bigger chance we can keep it true. I've talked about being lifetime friends with a few people and it didn't always hold, although since life is not over, and distance is allowed, those statements of trust might still hold firm. I suppose they are as firm as my ability to hold compassion and forgiveness and hope. I think we're good there.

I generally need a non-verbal day on Sundays so I faded out of the parties before saying proper goodbyes and missed speaking with a few loved ones, but I'll take the next chance to make sure they know I learned something from George and from Kelly. I'm not a natural collaborator...too impatient for the work to get done and laughably selfish and attached to pride in productive work. But they always show me how, by example, and in George's case, he spread that so thickly in his world that it isn't going to be even faded for some time. I got some gladiolus bulbs to plant from their generous sharing so I'll have one more tangible thing left. We will all have many tangible leftovers from his walk among us. 

I still have room and I hope, time, to improve and plan to work at it. As I am capable of doing less physically, I can do more in other ways to make sure my work is honorable, less selfish, and more thoughtful of others. I got lucky when we sat at that poker table so many years ago, and our magnetic attraction had a place to start. We were six months apart, a Scorpio and a Taurus with Scorpio rising, and I believe we harnessed that well. Mostly because of how he challenged me to learn and try, and how he honored me with his trust and support. Even when we disagreed we could see that it hadn't shaken our basis. 

I didn't know he had said goodbye to me but now I see that he had, one day at the market, and if I look back in my journal I'll bet I knew it then. His last few years included a fragility so I knew every time was precious, however brief. He's really my first big friendship loss, not the first loss of course, but the biggest. When I learned he had died I dreamed I was riding on the back of his motorcycle off into wherever, and truthfully, I think I would have followed him anywhere. Along with a large crowd of what can only be described as "us."

He walked among us. Strong and humble, brave. Someone quoted him as saying "If the unknown scares you, get to know it." I'm just going to look forward to continuing to hear from him as he gently fades into whatever his project is at the moment. Making my gladiolus bloom I hope, in some surprising color.