A Girl Can Dream

 I'm still having fun printing bandanas. I'm sure I have way too many but these may not go out of style for awhile. 

And I'm not sure I can say this enough. Down with fascism. 

Hot topics are too hot

 So much too hot for screenprinting and deflecting bullies. The piling on of bullies on even the concept of an unofficial group like the one Ash started is outing a lot of controlling people and people intent on supporting a controlling agenda. When the OCF groups started (I think it was before the pandemic, when the power politics came in, or maybe before that even) there was a flood of bullies trying to shut down the groups, their discussions, and people's ability to express dissenting opinions or even explore their reactions to official acts. It took awhile to balance out, and resulted in people leaving the community when they found out how willing others were to spread misery. On the site I like, Negative shit we don't want to talk about, we kick the bullies out after explaining that we are essentially a serious but snarky site that isn't for everyone. It's a lovely community for the most part.

It seems not connected to what's happening at market, but actually it is. There are leaders in both memberships and staffs who have been there and subscribed to this new control fantasy that you can get hundreds or thousands of members to only talk about and to accept the company line. This obviously is not possible and is a control fantasy. Now, in a move that is so predictable yet shocking, the market site has been closed down to any but admins and posts they approve, until Wed. night they say. Even after deleting some bullying comments, it looks like they can't handle the free speech issues raised by the people they don't like. They couldn't just delete all the bullying, because some of it was being done by their favorites. 

As an admin I tried to let bullying sit a minute for people to see it, and then ask the person to moderate their comments or I'd remove them. Often they would moderate themselves and the discussions could go on. But those times were so much more trusting than these. It's hard to explain that things worked so much better with trust, when obviously it only took one or two untrustworthy people to come in and turn us upside down. 

Controllers and narcissists and bullies use similar tactics to take you down and at minimum, discourage you from speaking up, particularly on social media but also in real life. I've gotten schooled so many times from people that insist that whether or not I have an official position, I am a leader and it is my responsibility to stay on message with the power structure and encourage and guide everyone else to do that too. When I had a position, I did feel the pressure of my duty of loyalty, obedience, and care to do what I could to support the company line, until it became an oppression of my moral values and ethics. And then, I quit my positions in both organizations and was surprisingly not more free to express myself, because the bullies didn't really care what kind of pressure they had to use on me, they still found types of pressure to use.

My duty of loyalty is to the organizations, not to their power structures, like our duties in real life are to our communities, our families, our constitution, not to people who want to use power over us. We don't have to do what they want us to. Boundaries are very maddening to controlling people. They tend to deepen and shift their tactics to less direct ones, which if you try even a little bit you can see operating.

One way is that they change the ways they speak about you. Instead of me resigning after many dedicated years of service, I "left them in the lurch." Instead of the person I had always shown myself to be, I was now somehow someone else, according to the stories that filtered back to me. I'm an easy person to bully...I tend to keep my accomplishments and such to myself, and just let my work speak for me. I did a really thorough and more than competent job as an officer, with depths of effort that did not show, but now I am categorized as someone who made "egregious failures." It goes on and on. 

It has not been easy to learn how to not allow myself to be bullied, to learn to set boundaries and not care so much. It is necessary, however. They have many tactics to draw you into traps, like the post asking for my participation in a discussion of the GM position and issues. The same person who continues to disparage me all of a sudden "valued my input." The set-up was obviously provocative. 

I made a promise to myself when I turned 75 that I would no longer accept the presence of bullies in my life. I blocked a couple on social media, and when they try to engage with me I am not available for it. I pull back opportunities for them to use me. It's not pleasant. I'm not used to it. I am getting more skilled at it, though.

I know some of you readers have not done the study of bullying and narcissism I have done over the last decade, and you will make the common judgement that I am not rational on the subject and manufacturing evidence to show myself as a victim. Study up. There is a ton of information on the internet that will teach you some of the tactics, and the many nuances of how they are hidden behaviors for the most part. 

You may not have registered the changes in our organizations since these controlling people came along. You may be confused as to why people are fighting, intolerant, "spewing negativity" (a common criticism of any disagreement) and struggling to participate fully. I am here to tell you that the culture of bullying is being fostered from the top. You can see that in national politics, and it is no different in our microcosm. People with power are using it to hurt and control and dominate others. People who won't accept that domination are being targeted with punishment, banishment, and shunning. 

It's always my policy to not trash individual volunteers who are trying, I am sure, to do their best, even when I disagree with their opinions or tactics. I might speak about their positions, or their behaviors, but I am not here to name names. You will need to figure out that part for yourselves. But use your gut feelings, ask questions, and make observations. Watch how dissenting opinions are handled. Watch what happens when someone resists compliance.

I have to get back into the very hot shop and print some black hoodies, which as you can imagine, is something I do not want to do today. But I will. Because my client treats me with respect and lets me know I am valued, worth what I charge, and my dependability is honored. I have let the clients go who don't treat me that way. My life is better for it.  

A wild and windy day on the Park Blocks

 Yesterday's Market was more restorative than it has been lately, probably because the PRIDE parade came through and we got to feel more a part of things. I felt that the market management hadn't been very welcoming to the NO KINGS and other political protests, as I saw people being asked to not hold their signs up within the market, and being handed a flyer that I did not see. Plus what hit the media was kind of prioritizing our commerce over what the community wanted to do, which I think is a bad look that separates us from the community. I think what the community wants is more important than what our event wants, even though that is sometimes hard to think through.

This has been playing out in several ways in the last few years, after we got such amazing community support during the pandemic, and should have continued to show our gratitude for that. First thing was a grant proposal I wrote for a downtown program grant, which was intended to invite community partners to get free booths in the closed streets for their own fundraising, to celebrate our connections and honor their nonprofit goals, which benefit all of us. I did this as a volunteer with staff approval, and it took many hours, as any of you who apply for grants will know. (Sometime I will tell the story of a grant proposal I was asked to do for a $26,000 grant that I put about 10 days into, which was fumbled.)

But we didn't get the $5000, and the event then morphed into the Sustainability thing we had on Oak where members and others who had sustainability focuses got booths, which was a much different thing and not the original vision. I had stepped out, and left organization to staff, and there wasn't much organization. The Kareng Fund was told we couldn't do our planned raffle so we didn't do a booth, as our resources are too limited to just do outreach. Anyway, that was one opportunity lost to thank our community partners, although there were some nonprofit booths and I hope they were supported. I know we still allow free nonprofit spaces, but without any notice in the newsletter of who they are, I don't have time to run over to find them and decide if I want to pitch them some cash, which I generally like to do when I can. I'd love to see them listed, and at HM too. 

I noticed Farmers had or are having a similar event to what I had envisioned, with a lot of nonprofits, but they seem to be able and interested in featuring a lot of community partners and although I think we are asked, we don't generally feature them, to my satisfaction anyway. But then farmers allow free tote bags and stuff to be given away by those partners, so it's not always without issues.

Another way we didn't show community support was the attempt to displace the Artists and Authors Fair from the Atrium at HM. That wasn't successful, but they were pressured to move to one of the side meeting rooms so the vision of changing the HM map to shift to a different traffic pattern could happen. I know that if the general public knew we did that, it would look really bad for us, but as it didn't succeed it didn't get too public. It may not be over, but again, there seemed to be such disregard for other groups by the so-important Saturday Market. My feeling is that we have no need to do things like that...our importance is already in place, self-evident, and we are best just being part of the whole, not a dominating force.

But of course domination and control is now part of our ethos, from the top down. It scares me that our culture can be that easily changed, although there has been resistance. There seems to be an effort to marginalize those of us who carry these "old" values that used to be our guiding values...but since we haven't had any kind of visioning retreats since before Kirsten was manager, we've lost touch with the group knowledge that we always have carried forward proudly, that we cared about all of us, kept options open for people struggling, had ideals that we considered in every decision. Some of that is still happening, no doubt, as we do have caring people and many of them, but it tends to be embodied in certain ones of us, and not everyone.

And the false narratives take their toll. The "mean members" narrative keeps coming up, that it is so hard for our manager because we members won't do what she says. Yes, we don't all follow all the rules, and we are a giant group of people, so I don't know why it would ever be expected that we would have 100% compliance with any rule. The idea is to have group agreements that make sense so that it is easy to follow them, because for the most part, people's needs are met. But sure, some people don't have as strong of a group ethic, are more individualistic, and need help seeing why they might want to get closer to following any particular rule. 

Previous managers just did their best to encourage general agreement with good examples themselves, having ethics of their own, fostering trust, community building, clear communications, realistic expectations, and whatever else they could do to appeal to our better natures. Members make better and lasting changes in their behaviors when they see the benefits. Punishing them and trying to manipulate them has never worked, and in fact has the effect of creating opposition and dissatisfaction and that is more what our problems are about now. People are being targeted, punished and threatened and are reacting badly to that. I mean, I won't go to meetings, and I love meeting process and as Secretary was required to attend every meeting for the last fifteen years, and was happy to be there. When meetings started to be held without me, I saw a huge red flag. They were called other things besides Board meetings, but when a quorum of Board members are in attendance, that is legally a Board meeting. And our bylaws require a Secretary, and minutes. Special meetings, town halls, annual meetings, orientations, whatever they are called, require minutes and some kind of officer in place taking responsibility. So yeah, I hope someone steps up to be Secretary at this next Board meeting. I always felt it was the most important official role, protecting the public record, the legality, and the ethical standards of the organization, for the members. 

I'm never opposed to change, if that is what the members want, but it has to be informed, careful change that doesn't only benefit those in the room. The recent fee increase came without data, such as how many members we have who are struggling at the low end of income, and how much more this would cost them in relation to their sales. For instance, a member near me this past week made $20. So they paid $22 in fees. Obviously a few weeks of that would lead them to give up, or start playing the system somehow for their own survival. There are plenty of people who really only sell well in the HM environment, and not as well on the Park Blocks. Our current system has a lot of people forced to sell on the PB for their HM points, putting pressure on the PB, so we turn away a lot of people who would like to sell, and we prioritize those who can afford to stick with it even when it isn't really working for them. In the beginning it was intentional to keep spaces available at HM for SM members, so people couldn't just come in for "the cream" without drinking the weekly milk of the harder PB sales reality. Now I think we should look again and see if we can restructure that somehow to meet the different needs of the two groups of members. It would need a task force and a lot of careful analysis, so it won't probably be a task for this particular power structure, but maybe someday it could be addressed. 

Decisions about these types of things can not be quickly made. There are always unintended effects, and we are now experiencing the effects of the decision to expand HM. That isn't over. There will be more with this new HM map. Someone pointed out that it is very convenient that we now have what I call the corner tax, which is an additional $20 a weekend for corner spaces, and our new map has a much larger number of corners. This is kind of a hidden fee increase, that kind of made sense, but now kind of looks more like a subterfuge.

Because trust has been broken. We just don't have it. We have members who won't talk to each other, members who are targeted for harassment, members who are punished and many who are afraid to speak. Under the disingenuous plea for "unity," it has become dangerous to disagree. It's routinely unpleasant and there are surely members who have quit rather than try to weather it. Some are fighting for their survival and right to participate. Our election was compromised with negative campaigning which worked. People who didn't toe the company line were rejected by rumor, innuendo, and outright lies. It was highly demoralizing. It was exhausting.

I've been hypervigilant so long it seems like it's constant. Since I'm overworking right now, it's very hard. I feel that it's important for me to declare that without market, I will lose my house and my ability to survive the coming years. I know I am not the only one. Will this flawed power structure take my livelihood away from me? A few years ago, I would not have even considered this a possibility. Now, I do. I do not feel like they care about me. Remember when we used to say we wanted to "keep everyone in the basket?" It wasn't that long ago. 

One half hour is all I can manage today

 Wish I had less work to do and more time to rest, but this is a push to get everything ready for OCF and I know every minute counts. The yard is out of control and so many things are not getting finished, but I'll get to them in August (I say that now.)

Had thoughts about the election and was appreciative that the results were shared in the newsletter, including the many write-ins. I think this was the first year that Frog did not bet a vote. Sad. 

The negative campaigning worked well, to the shame of the historical record, and I hope this does not become the way things are done going forward. The three people targeted in written and spoken encounters with members did not get elected and their totals were much lower than they would have been. As a membership it turns out we are easily manipulated...no surprise there.  Many of us do not know each other are are willing to follow what seems easiest. We did elect some responsible people though, so I am happy to let this Board get to know each other and learn to work together. I hope each one of them takes the time to really explore the policies, guidelines, and especially the history so they feel prepared to lead us. We have plenty of challenges to navigate. 

A good portion of us, at least a third, are quite dissatisfied with how things are going and we'll soon see the effects of the recent financial decisions. The fee increase starts this weekend, and what is "just $5 more " to some might spell the end of the line for others. We always have plenty of people on the margins who really will not feel they can afford paying more for everything. The Board indicated at the Town Hall that more increases are planned, which I hope they will reconsider. 

I also want them to reconsider forcing all of us to take two weeks off in November. For anyone with a craft that is mailable, this will cost sales for sure. We lose the momentum of being a community gathering and make ourselves unavailable right as the buying season picks up, and I resent losing two important paydays. This will further increase member dissatisfaction, as staff will still get paid...they will not be laid off for two weeks. Holiday Market should not be driving the Park Blocks choices. I knew when one November market was cancelled, that would start a bad trend. It was misrepresented then and now is just being ignored. 

As we saw this last Saturday, weather is a real factor and although a lot of people came, we all got wet, and we all made a bit less and the crowds attracted to all of the downtown events did not necessarily translate to a crafts-buying crowd. I did fine, but everything did have to be dried out so I spent Sunday hanging bags outside with the popup, walls and weights all needing to be in the sun. Fortunately we had sun on Sunday. But it added up to less income for the day for the Market, and with Pride moved to the Fairgrounds, we may see fewer sales this week as well, and we haven't even gotten to the high heat and smoke days we may get this summer. We just are not guaranteed solid income. 

We're willing to work for it. It would help if we as members felt that we were in a team with our power structure so let's hope this new Board will be able to turn that feeling on again for us. I'm always optimistic.

I like this new FB group that will focus on helping members understand the policies, structure, and how organizations can work in healthy ways to meet the needs of the members. A mutual benefit membership organization is a rarity and ours is very precious, so we want to protect it from erosion of the values and goals that will keep us thriving. We need all the methods and opportunities people are willing to try. I support the group and look forward to contributing as soon as I am not so busy and can have time. I suppose I will stay on FB a little longer to see about efforts like that.

Not commenting in the official members group though. I don't need that kind of bullying in my life.

See you Saturday! 

I was wrong on the internet! Oh my.

I was wrong on the internet this week. I don't mind being wrong that much, but the amount of energy expended to correct me was surprising. That affected me. Am I really the sanctimonious asshole they seemed to think I am? Maybe...

When I was on the inside, with all of the information, such as the election results, I didn't know how it felt to not have that access. I have always been trusted in the past, so if I wanted to know something, I could expect an answer, and I also had access to the places to look for it. I'm sure because I knew the election results numbers, it didn't occur to me how it looked hidden to others. We did post them on the HM office wall, and I do believe we shared them widely in the earlier days, but at some point it became the culture to keep them quiet out of deference to those who didn't get many votes. This had something to do with the concept of equal members in its thought, but when I tried to think of any other elections when this is done, I couldn't. It doesn't make sense to me to protect the feelings of people who put themselves up for election.

Just as it doesn't make sense to protect the feelings of people on the internet...or anyway it is not the practice. But I can't stop thinking about the concept of the flying monkeys in the narcissism realm...those people who carry out the wishes of the narcissist with or without their direction, but as a part of their defenses. It seems to me now that every time I speak up I am attacked by the flying monkeys who assume my bad intent whether or not I have any. 

I wasn't questioning the results or the process of the election, although in fact the negative campaigning was extremely questionable and to my mind, highly inappropriate and unethical. The fact that it worked makes it worse I think. The way the election was so strongly broadcast was not the usual practice, but getting more people to vote is not a bad thing in itself. I feel there were hidden motives of control and domination, but calling out hidden motives is the kind of assumption I don't want done to me, so I didn't do that publicly. Except it was assumed I had. So I was attacked for those assumptions, even though to my mind I had made a reasonable statement that I thought the members would appreciate more transparency, not saying "because now the trust relationship is gone."

It is for me, anyway. I'll repeat that this has been devastating to me after 50 years of a very comforting trust relationship. Being on the inside meant I did see some transgressions, and made some myself, but I always felt that good people were doing their best, and we have a majority of good people, who do seem to be doing their best.

But now we also have these attackers, and maybe we always have, but it seems so much more apparent when they are attacking me. I guess being as self-centered as the next person, it took making it personal to really make me see and feel it. I'm all for new experiences but this has not been at all fun. 

Thinking back, I have been attacked, but I was always just able to get past it by knowing those people were damaged and in pain and still, doing their best, even if it felt destructive. I'm just not sure that is really the case now. I was all set to extend compassion to this person but now she said as Secretary I was guilty of apparently many egregious failures, and maybe she knows what they were, as I sure don't. I know I sure was putting in lots of hours for free. I was always so supportive it embarrasses me now. Just thinking that my legacy of giving has been reduced to many egregious failures in one FB post, again, I feel devastated. Will my membership termination follow? For having different opinions? 

I want to rant, but that will likely make me feel worse. I will, however, have to spend the rest of the day reminding myself of all the ways I have not committed egregious failures. I feel stupid that someone that hasn't, to my memory, ever even spoken with me at market, can take me down that low in a few comments. To me, my worst failure has been the overly supportive roles I have played to keep the market alive and well at the expense of my own life. There's that half of my livingroom filled with the archives, too. Fuuuuccckkkk. 

For those of you new to reading this blog, I haven't shared it on Facebook since 2020 when one of my posts got algorithmed and it made me uncomfortable. Context is important with this writing, because it is personal and not really for wide broadcasting. I don't have to be right in here, just honest. I'm not going to allow personal attacks based on what people read in here (if I can even tell that's happening.) I don't really want a lot of discussion about my writing, either. This is a place where I share my thought process, where I reason through things, and it is my right and my process for understanding, so fuck right off if you don't like what you read.

That said, I welcome you as new readers, sent here by a friend sharing it on FB. It's not a huge amount of readers, so I'm not ready to shut things down, but I do feel like you need context to understand where I am in any individual post. So you might want to read back, as these go back a lot of years. Back to when I was in a trust relationship with market, and I was on the inside, as an officer, and I was doing my best like every volunteer is supposed to be doing.

I'm no saint. I make assumptions and am wrong, have strong convictions and hold grudges, which I try to work on over time. I feel like one of the people attacking me this week was someone with whom I actually have a lot in common, and they were just having different memories. Theirs turned out to be true and mine, well, rosy at best and false at worst. As Secretary I always tried to take the high road as hard as I knew how to, and I probably did come off as a sanctimonious asshole at times. I tend to use formal language in articulating things and that comes off cold and distant on the internet...I do remember writing her one letter delegated to me by the Chair, in response to a pressing member issue. Writing letters to mad members never worked out for me, no matter how much compassion I tried to extend. 

Not an excuse. I am a people pleaser (recovering) and I often deferred to others in making group decisions. I like to say I led from the middle. What the members wanted, I tried to do. I didn't want to fight, just tried to accommodate.

Probably some of what is happening with me now is I am trying to learn not to accommodate, and not to defer to bullying. When I turned 75 last month I gave myself the gift of banning bullies from my spheres...I just won't interact with them. It's not easy to do! Boundaries are not my natural inclination. I more naturally drop my defenses and try to remain vulnerable and with accessible emotions. That, of course, rarely works on the internet.

Anyway, be advised that I am speaking for myself now, not echoing any company line or part of any particular group or movement in microcosmic or macrocosmic politics. I'm trying to think for myself and do what I feel is the most ethical thing for me, as I have to live with my actions. So you may not like them. Feel free not to read this.

Rainy Saturday on the way! They are predicting as much as half an inch. I'm kind of looking forward to it, strangely. I like feeling strong. Yesterday I printed over 300 prints, fiddly thin bandanas and way too many of them. It hurt several body parts and for the first time in ages I took some ibuprofen. I need to do that more often I guess. Suffering doesn't help me think rationally.

See you tomorrow...suit up. 

Monday Morning in the Busiest of Seasons

 Waiting for the election results from Saturday, which was such a wild day! Yet another officer of pour Board indulged in negative campaigning, which is still so inappropriate to me. I know people are convinced they are right, but have they forgotten that everyone is generally convinced they are right? I guess it takes some maturity to admit that there might be more to a situation than you are told or perceive. 

In this case she did the ethical thing to recuse herself from her official duties, but they happened to be overseeing the election, so as members we were left without any officer overseeing such an important election. So for us to complain about the negative campaigning, character assassination of a fellow member, or any of the process, where do we go with those complaints?

The ballots said to vote for 6, not up to six, so at least one person was told they could submit a second ballot with a note on the envelope to throw out the first one. Not covered in the policy, sadly, and maybe no damage is done if the procedure is followed to the letter, with all memberships verified before the envelopes are opened and set aside. Because if they are already opened, there will be no way to find the person's first ballot, resulting in an illegal vote.

And, the GM was again going around collecting ballots from members, which is just not an okay practice. I saw this at the last election as well. That practice gives her the opportunity to destroy certain ballots she doesn't want counted. Not saying she would resort to that, but the appearance of impropriety amounts to impropriety when it comes to electing your own bosses. Staff is supposed to have no part in the elections but putting together the ballots, and providing the ballot box on Saturday. 

There have been improper election procedures ever since this GM was hired. Staff has gone ahead and set the dates, made and provided the ballots, and has never consulted beforehand with the Head Teller or Secretary, when I was in that position. One time they decided that the election would be held on two Saturdays instead of one. I had to dial them back several times in the beginning and even tell them the Secretary was in charge, which is clear in the policy and even in the bylaws. It shocked me every time that it was all taken so causally and this one is the worst yet.

I trust the Head Teller and the vote counters, and certainly hope they don't need an officer in the room to handle the count, but what if they do? Will the GM make those decisions for them about what ballots are valid and what ones aren't? Just because we have a good policy and procedure it doesn't mean everything will go smoothly. It's just another example of how important it is to back up our trust with impeccable procedures and responsible Board members and officers. 

I decided awhile ago to not be anxious about all that is happening, just to witness it and speak up about what I see, but we are a long way from a functional organization and it isn't the fault of members who ask hard questions. Trying to find a scapegoat in the membership is sad. 

We have a GM who is causing drama, dividing the membership, and forcing the board members to accommodate to her fears, lies and false narratives. Way too many people are buying into these false narratives. Ask any longterm member and you will find out we don't fight with each other normally. We all share the same goals, and we respect each other. To be such a divided membership we have had to be operated on by someone who has the goal of dividing us. She's not only doing it herself with targeted harassment, but using her other staff to harass and silence members who speak up in ways she feels the need to control.

I hope people wake up to this. We have to get out from under this management failure. The rammed-through fee increase will not address the practices of overspending and overstaffing us. Our staff is using what is supposed to be time for their operational duties to spend hours scolding members, drawing them into drama, and attempting to silence or discipline them. They are not supporting members, quite the opposite. One member at a time, people are figuring this out. 

More people need to figure this out. Ask some simple questions. Why are we fighting? Why are we allowing negative campaigning? Where is the competence and leadership we are paying for? Where is the drama really coming from?

Are we going to wait until we are really broke? Spending savings on the database and losing money on operations that should be profitable are scary. 

And by the way, it is another myth that Board service should only take a couple of hours a month. I spent such an embarrassing amount of time volunteering to cover tasks that were supposed to be done by staff that I wouldn't document it. I could go back in my journals, but it was probably forty to a hundred hours a month from mid-2021 to when I resigned in August 2024. Staff support was not only not there, but I had to prop them up. I was asked to "protect" the GM, a bizarre request. She is extremely good at getting other people to do her job. No wonder no one wants to volunteer for anything. Having ten people running for the Board and over a hundred people attending a Board meeting is not a sign of health. It's a crisis. 

I'm not expecting any quick changes either. I'm just trying to protect myself so that giving my life to the organization will not also mean letting it kill me. 

I have a lot of work to do! Saturday was extra exhausting with the constant wind, but I loved the protest crowds and all of the other groups, track people, graduation people, Father's Day people. Still, for some members, sales were not great. Big events sometimes translate to people not wanting to carry things or prioritizing their spending for food. The farmers weren't doing that well either. I had a normal day, but part of my success was the new bandanas. I took a whole extra grid to display them but it was too heavy and I need a better solution. I guess I will thin down my stock a little. Students will soon be gone anyway and I generally see a slump in sales until tourism picks up to bring new crowds, but of course we are not sure we will see as much tourism as usual. 

Okay, need to get out into the shop. Work hard, everyone! 

 

Elections and No Kings

 I'm enjoying making the protest bandanas. I don't really care if they sell to the protestors, but it's past time for me to make political items, as people have been asking me for them.

I got out screens from the Bush/Cheney era, when I did a ton of things, many in small editions that only a few people got, mostly as gifts. Selling political things is always hard, as you become a target for everyone's need for reassurance and talking about everything. It tends to dominate the day, so I have mostly not had a lot of them for the last while.

But action is needed right now so I am trying to convince myself to also bring my Jell-O piece tomorrow, maybe even wear it with the long tie, and put a sign on my back, maybe Impeach Me. Don't think it will enhance sales, but it would be fun, except for all the attention.

 I find so often now that people view me as someone irrational and dangerous, so I know gossip is being told about me that isn't true. That isn't at all who I am. I was told I was the most privileged person at market, as well, which doesn't even make sense to me. I think it's possible that people are viewing the point system as something that creates privilege in the longterm members, with the membership points. Of course that is a distorted view of both they system and privilege, as we all just still earn one point per day, and 1/5th of a point per year, and we earned them by coming every day. Me, a member for 50 years, has put in hundreds of selling days. I don't see how it adds up to privilege, but there are a lot of false narratives being put out there for people who want to believe them. 

This election  bothers me a lot, and I'll be glad when it is over. The amount of desperate politicking is drama from the top, with the narcissist and her enablers trying to make sure their power plays have results for their longevity in power. They will likely succeed, as I heard there are people going around recommending slates of candidates to people who are unsure of whom to believe. There's coded talk, too, and direct attacks as I wrote about last post. It shows weakness and fear.

I do have faith in our members to cut through the gaslighting and feel what feels right, but the false narrative that mean members hate staff and that kind of thing is harsh. People have legitimate issues with staff performance, training, competence, spending, and communication. Members are allowed to disagree with how things are being done. Attempts to squash disagreement just ring so hollow in the greater political atmosphere we are in.

Unfortunately, as we saw at OCF, power politics can be effective when people trust the people recommending a slate or what constitutes a party line, as we saw the M.A.G.I.C. group succeed in entrenching themselves and making a solid block with the ensuing effects of taking away people's idealism, enthusiasm and belief that they were a part of a cohesive membership. It divided the members and drove a lot of good people away from volunteering or participating, and continues to do so. 

It's happening now at our market, and it looks like it may have similar effects. I want to trust the members to recognize the tactics, but that's unlikely in the case of a lot of new members. Maybe some will catch on to things like the current situation of 5-hour Board meetings, emergency fee increases to cover overspending that has not been corrected, and ethically murky behaviors. Probably most of them are busy and not paying close attention to the internal workings...and it is not that easy to keep up.

I was accustomed to knowing about policy changes and getting paper and digital copies of them and am now realizing how hard it is to get those on the regular without being on the inside. I still get the Board packets, but the format is one that does not allow me to copy anything out, or use the link to the Policy and Procedures document, so I was not even aware there was an updated Elections policy document. I feel kind of stupid about that, but when I did try to get a copy, I had to ask for it. The P&P is not easily available, which also makes other things harder to access. I don't get the secrecy, although it goes along with the current trend for ultra-control and lack of communication that is comprehensive and freely given. I really feel uncomfortable with the gatekeeping that you have to know someone or go through the power structure to get information. Maybe with the new website we will get more? 

I sure hope so. I noticed that there are only a couple of years of minutes now as well as newsletters...I hope more archival info will be added back in when there is a more robust platform for it. Guess we'll find out. I suppose I could advocate for it, but the chilling reception I get when I speak up for anything has been really difficult to take. 

I've never experienced the membership being this divided into factions with so many people being in the out-crowd. Maybe this has been the case before but I was in the in-crowd. I hope it isn't the case, as I have always thought of our membership as being pretty united in our positive regard for our equal members. I do think the drama and division is coming from the top, so there is only one solution for that.

I'm sure that is why so much is riding on this election. Even if a lot of new people are elected, I don't see things changing quickly for the members. Guess we'll see. I have always been an optimist, so I will probably continue with that if I can. People are generally smarter than we think, certainly visible in the macrocosm. Tomorrow will be exciting I think, with all of the signs and passionate dissent. I hope it comes to the market. I had a hard week and want to have a fun day downtown.