Free Speech Rights

Well friends, I received a cease and desist letter this week, from an individual, not as an official action of my organization, but I have decided that to lessen pressure on my life, going forward I will double down on my duty of care for that organization and make sure that everything I write does not include name or title.

I honor free speech above a lot of things, and at this time in the big world, I would never give up my free speech rights for any reason. I hold those close to my heart as a human, and in fact, they are my human rights. But my duty of care has driven my professional life with this organization for 51 years and it is so very important to me. I have never desired to hurt the organization and as I've said many times, I do not want to fault volunteers who are doing their best.

While I did not receive any direct or professional communications from the organization at this point in time, I am drawing this line here as notice that they don't need to take any actions to limit me.

I'm still writing personal nonfiction on this tiny space of the internet and I will still be writing. You may not agree with my opinions but facts are facts and truth is truth. 

Rising to the moment is often difficult and we are in such a fractious atmosphere in this world. I want to make it clear that duty of care for all four of my membership organizations is vital to me. I also care deeply for my peace and my ability to finish out my life span in positive ways, as I have always tried to live. 

You can disregard my opinions, but there are no alternative facts. 

 

And Then We Die

 

Got a call from an old friend who is preparing her dying process...it was oddly such a life-affirming conversation thread we had, full of laughter and wonder. She has a shirt I made using art from my son at about age 5, and wore it and everyone on her care team wants one. Fortunately that is the last remaining box of shirts in my shop, shirts by my son. Just the right amount for her team. 

She has a form of dementia, called PCA, Posterior Cortical Atrophy, a terrifying and tragic form for an artist, where you lose your visual powers over time. She can no longer read or write, which is heartbreaking enough, but she is a painter among her many talents, and said she took a painting off the wall, saw her name on the back, but could not recognize it and had no understanding of it. It seems perplexing and her attitude is great, but she has been suffering for a very long time and some of her strength comes from taking control of the situation for herself. Brains...yikes. All those complex fold and neurons and then things start just decomposing. I did not know there are a dozen types of dementia...so many kinds. And you surely can get more than one at a time. Let's embrace the horror of that while we look at the yellowing leaves and birds flitting around the yard. 

It is not widely known but it is legal and screams Bodily Autonomy to know that VSED is a remedy that goes beyond Physician Assisted death. That stands for Voluntary Stopping Eating and Drinking. It takes a care team and is not an easy choice, and it takes some time to work. I have heard of others who have used it. She is angry that no doctor told her about it and wants to amplify it, so I'm putting something on the back of the shirts for her. A lot of her life has been about fighting for rights, as she is in the LGBTQ++ community and has not had an easy time of it, but carved out a great life for herself and accomplished some amazing things. And now not just dignity but positive change by sharing her life and death.

She had a hellish time getting a diagnosis but finally went to OHSU and got the care she needed. Of course there is no treatment, just suffering, so she worked out her choice and set it in motion. She exhibits a lot of joy and that is the tone she is setting and shares with her team. The shirt is perfect for that. We're all delighted in the midst of grief.  

This kind of real facing of grief is such a relief for everyone, as you can then be free to talk about it all, the sorrow, what you will miss, what you are feeling, how much and in how many ways you love the person and what you have shared. You can tell jokes, and laugh, and she got me laughing about my own situations, which was a gift indeed. We weren't close friends, just worked together quite a bit in various roles, but the connection is now feeling very strong and though she lives in California, now I'm involved in her care team, and it's good for me.

It's cosmic too, as I have been talking so much about connecting with joy. Here comes the universe deepening my experience of that and helping me learn to live with less fear. Ironically the "fear less" hats are on my table to be printed this week. 

I'm not printing today though. It is a day to be outside, doing whatever. I am reading some terrific books and the ground birds are back, the Juncos, Spotted Towhees (or rufous-sided as I prefer still calling them) and some White-Crowned Sparrows, other more hidden types of sparrows (a Fox Sparrow I think) and I still have the Downies, the Bewick's and the Flickers plus all the regular birds. I asked her what her favorite bird was, and she said the Sandhill Cranes, which are migrating south right now, so I said I'd listen for them now and in the spring. She is planning all kinds of ways to let us know what she finds out in the next phase of her life, whatever it is, whatever she can. Free to fly.

Fear less, people. Love more. 

A Fun Outing for Art

 Wow, Clay Fest! I can't believe I went there for my first time yesterday. It has been happening a block away from me for years now. Market always dominates my weekend so hard I just never found the energy but yesterday I knew I had to visit a few of my friends over there.

It was so inspiring in every way except one. The skill level of these master ceramic artists is super high...and you will see them here in a show that the participants organized themselves. It's very thoughtful, inclusive, and welcoming. Participants are happy to volunteer because it is rewarding, and the community is supportive and open. The organization of paying at the central desk works well so people can just shop, and there were many dedicated shoppers. 

Also a lot of people talking about ceramics and art, as well as community building. It felt like it feels in my mind to sell at market.

But clearly, I am remembering a time in the past when our operations were well organized, thoughtful, and member-centered. I heard so many stories about how present management treated these artists when they tried to sell at market or Holiday Market, that I was embarrassed to say that I have been a market regular for 51 years. Not proud. I thought about Lotte a lot and how she would feel about where market is and what we need to do about it. 

I talked about Jell-O Art a bit, as that is what makes me feel like a Real Artist more than retailing my screenprinting. I had to go home and cry about my life where I prioritized work so hard I find myself running out of time to do actual art that is purely creation and self-expression. 

Instead I find myself defending myself against attacks after all this time every Saturday. So glad I have Jell-O and writing.

It was so affirming to find all of these wonderful artists and friends who love me and my work hanging out in another setting where again, I can be myself without guarding everything I say and do from predators.

And the gallery pieces and special pieces a lot of them made (shoutout to Luna and Sam) were incredible. I wish I had taken photos but I didn't have my phone. It sure was not all about mud yesterday, even though I did come home and transplant strawberries and get nice and dirty.

Perhaps a new phase of my life is opening up! Anyway I sure shook off my damage and have some new ways to keep it at bay.

Make it a point to go next year and be part of the wonderfulness of the arts community in our area. It is large and gorgeous.   

Edit to include these photos of the days when we had that  https://www.flickr.com/photos/eugenesaturdaymarket/albums/ 

 

Debates

 I have other things to do today outside but I liked this one thing a friend pointed out yesterday: The Varied Thrush, has a song with only one note.

  https://www.bird-sounds.net/varied-thrush/?type=song-1349

It's still a bird, and that's still a bird song. 

Not selling the banned hats was pretty hard on my bottom line yesterday. People choose those hats because they are simple and don't have a lot of design on them, so my hand-drawn additions didn't prove to be very popular, as expected. Tourists really like the Oregon hats because they don't cost $40 like the official merch from UO., just want a souvenir from their visit to Eugene. So not a great fix for me to spend that extra time. They would not sell better at $30, even though they are individually decorated one at a time, freehand. So every one has an additional cost to me. 

Whatever. I heard that I was welcome to sell them in other places. Well, Eugene hats don't go to Veneta, the only other place I sell. Geezer and Curmudgeon originated at OCF as companions for my shirts, so they will still sell, but Oregon hats don't sell out there either. Imagine sells. But my inventory with a retail value of $4200 will take quite a few years to sell at OCF. Maybe ten years. I can almost guarantee there will be some at my eventual estate sale after I am dead and gone. I've started giving them away.

Heard the statement "Nothing about us, without us" ? It was about disability rights, but it could also be applied to member rights. How is the Standards Committee allowed to have confidential operations? Closed meetings just mean only committee members and invited guests can be there. They are not confidential, which means nothing that is said can be shared with anyone for any reason. That is restricted by our bylaws and the law, for issues of personnel and legality (actually our bylaws say only personnel. Personnel is staff, not members.) So technically, no one at the meeting can talk to me about what was said there, including the Co-Chairs, and staff. Confidential is confidential. 

From the bylaws: Committee meetings shall be open to members of the corporation except when personnel matters are discussed.  That portion of the standards committee meeting devoted to the discussion of product acceptability may be conducted in closed session.  Staff's role in committees is only to assist each committee in the performance of its duties as mandated by the board of directors.  Staff shall not chair any committee or have voting privileges.

And fyi, email discussions are closed meetings. Interested members and the public are not included. Does anyone feel that a member's livelihood should be discussed without their knowledge and participation? Think about if it was you.

As the archivist, I don't even have a current copy of the bylaws (I have one from 2023) or access to a current P&P document. No one sends it to me for the archive (that's called gatekeeping, to make member documents inaccessible to members.)  Looks like from the Board packet they are going to change the bylaws to cover for actions they took against several (how many?) members in the past, as if that would make it all better. Nope. Those things were illegal then and they remain illegal. And now Standards Committee members are complicit in illegal processes, without their knowledge. 

And people wonder why we don't have more volunteers.  

Guess people think I should just move over to FSP to make my living. Now you know why so many of our members are selling over there. I had heard of many of the disputes that drove them over there, but I have a new perspective now.

Going over to Clay Fest! Then I will transplant strawberries, something that should make me happy.

Connect with your joy! 

 

Candidates

 The OCF election: I am not voting for incumbents. You make your own informed choice, please. 

Peace. 

Banned!

 Apparently. Still not completely clear. But presumably, if I sell them, my selling rights can be suspended immediately. Read your handbooks, people.

My arguments that they did not violate the text guideline were not responded to. I designed the Eugene and Oregon lettering myself, so those do not violate it, and I was not told if they are included in the ban or not, which I believe was limited to hats with one word on them. Not sure though! Did not get to see the complaint or even what it actually said. Even the Committee does not see the complaints, which have been declared confidential, in a new bending of our norms. So committee members are not allowed to talk to me about the actions, either. 

The retail value of my inventory of these five hats is $4000, sitting in my shop.  

The guideline reads: Text-Only Craft Items: Craft items whose decoration is text only may only be sold if the text is applied by the member using a craft technique and the text has been significantly enhanced by the member.
Text only work must be approved at a full committee meeting, not a Standards screening. 

I use several craft techniques to make my hats, as I over-explained to the committee in a letter in July. 

These hats were approved decades ago, in a decision that extended explicitly for the life of my continuous membership. Long before the text-only guideline was written. I'm still a member.

But their decisions are final, whatever they are.  

 

Running a Business

 People may not be aware that in the 80s and 90s I was running a solid large-ish business with my ex selling t-shirts all over the US, spurred by the Fish Tie T-shirt of 1985. It was wild. At one point we grossed a quarter-million in sales (in one year!) with multiple sales reps, employees, and all of the challenges. I had to learn how to be a professional manager, in all of the aspects, while I was also designing and printing my own things for market and Fair, carefully maintaining my craft business within the bigger one. I was in my thirties and forties and had the energy to do all that, and it took all the energy I had. 

I thought I successfully separated our business from my lack of expereince, but there was a lot of pressure and I made a good number of mistakes, ruined our Alaska business with my ignorance of how things worked, and struggled to learn how to have good relationships that included being a boss and then, being a parent. It eventually collapsed down to a one-person business again, and I paid off the debts and crammed the equipment into my house (the ex vacated and went on to his next phases) where it moved back and forth as I remodeled the bigger house over the span of 15 years, beginning in 1995. Sales at market tanked for me so I stopped doing Saturdays for awhile, got some jobs at 4J and had kind of a different expanded life as a single parent. It included a lot of therapy, some Re-Evaluation Counseling, (that's co-counseling using the teachings of Marshall Rosenburg,) and I studied Non-Violent or Compassionate Communication as well. I tried hard to fix what wasn't working in my life and with my work.

I really needed to learn how to love and advocate for myself and others and work out the damage from my childhood, which of course is a lifetime pursuit, and like the house remodel, is never really finished. Like the baseboards never installed and the things that now need to be rebuilt and repaired on my two houses, there is always maintenance and repair to do to my social skills and professional skills. I'm still educating myself on better ways to treat people and work with groups and be a good human. It's not something you finish and can rest about, as things keep changing. 

In my 51 years with the market, I worked with almost all the managers we had, about 20 of them. Gradually as we learned, we developed a set of professional policies and operations procedures to guide our members and our staff in doing justice to what was created for us to maintain and bring forward. It took a lot of us learning a lot of things and generally we did pretty well. During the years of Bill and Beth we built something very solid, predictable, fair and just, and profitable. Kim Still gave us a professional, excellent presentation and we advanced and thrived. 

And then we slipped a bit, but hired Kirsten and again had a professional manager who could supervise and motivate staff and members to act in professional ways with each other and the outside world, and the City, our landlord and the entity that allows us to be downtown. We went through two years of negotiation about the Park Blocks, while we learned in depth how the city works, how their staff has to function under the laws and restrictions of public service, and we held our own. The year 2019 was a stunning success for us, as we got recognition, support, and outlined our future. 

And then Kirsten found a better job, and we again stumbled, beset with the challenges of the pandemic, which she got us halfway through, leaving in summer 2021. The staff she left behind tried, but some of the core volunteers were retired and the hiring situation at that time was poor. They needed their leader. 

We ended up here, having done a series of bad hires that completely buried our efforts of the past and changed radically the ways we operate.

We members are business owners, independent, joining together for mutual benefit to create selling opportunities within the structure of the market. We expect to be treated with respect and allowed to grow professionally and operate ethically and in peace and justice every week. We used to be able to trust that our money was well-protected, spent sensibly and carefully, and all of what staff and members needed was going to be handled in a professional, respectful way so that we would not be in legal or physical distress while doing our selling together.

Not hiring a professionally skilled manager has had profound effects that are now our new normal, and it is distressing every week for those of us who have seen and experienced better. The amount of dysfunction and unprofessional behaviors has been severe. Communication is worse than poor, it is often toxic if it even gets done at all. Control tactics like triangulation, gatekeeping, manipulation and false narratives are used to keep us off kilter, threatened with punishment and confused about how to maintain our safety and profitability. Volunteers walked away in frustration, our institutional memory was intentionally destroyed, our board captured, and our elders sent away to the ice floes.

I know you think I am exaggerating but really, go look at the 2019 archives I put together in the hope that the Board would review them and get a taste of how good we can be under real management. They are in the office. There is a world of difference between that and what we have now.

We have always been and will always be limited by having untrained and unsupported volunteers in charge of things that require training, support and commitment to high levels of values and actions, but we have a program for training volunteers, never implemented by staff. We had onboarding procedures and plenty of staff training in place, we had work plans and data analysis and all of the skills to operate without hiring a lot of outside professionals or consulting lawyers. 

We had functional committees that knew their history and knew how to keep doing what was working well. Mary had put together a manual of exactly how Holiday Market needed to be done to work within the budget so costs could be kept affordable for our members. Fee raises were infrequent and minimal so no one would feel priced out or have to come and not make money. Promotions were effective and looked great, bringing forward our past while also celebrating what was new and the whole range of who we are at our best. Please, if you are in the power structure or dream about a better market, go into the office and look at 2019. Read some minutes and Board packets and see how things were handled. It was never perfect (I don't believe in perfection, actually) but wow, it was so good.

We cannot continue in the mode we find ourselves in. The power structure leads the way and when they are going off the path into the weeds or using poor management techniques or toxic behaviors, it becomes the way of the market and we all suffer that loss of mutual respect, the expectation of peace and justice, and fair treatment all around. I have literally, in all my 51 years, never seen it this bad. And I have seen it very bad.

If you are one of the current volunteers, you have my sympathy and I acknowledge that you are trying and intend to be doing your best. However, you need modeling, support, and leadership to do that, and you are getting misled and mismanaged. I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings and you want to kick out at me but I am just the messenger from the full picture that you perhaps cannot see. 

We need professional, direct communication to fix this. We need an atmosphere where questions can be asked, honest answers given, and no hidden agendas, diabolical secret schemes and hateful targeting is being done. No defensiveness, no blaming others, no pretending to listen and stonewalling reforms can be tolerated. No manipulative techniques are acceptable. Would you accept this from your bank, your doctor, your corner store or in your family? Do you work in a job where you would accept unprofessional treatment? 

Every member should be asking themselves these hard questions and some of you should be seeing that this is the time you need to step up, run for the Board, and get us back on a professional track before our savings are gone, our members have left, and our halls and blocks are emptied. Our market is not invincible, in fact, it might be a lot easier to destroy than I ever would have believed. 

Read some books, take some classes, get some counseling if you don't know how to be professional in your professional life. And, when you are dealing with someone like me, or the many others of us who have gotten that training and education, give us the respect we deserve in the organization we built. 

I resigned from leadership for ethical reasons, but I am still a member and I still have those ethics and the benefit of our history and how hard it was to learn the hard lessons. Now it is your time to carry forward what we have all learned together about how this works. It's not a mystery. All of the history is available (just ask me) and all of the education you might want is out there, easy to get now with the internet, business development classes at LCC and UO, and support from everywhere to do better. 

Let's do better.