Summer's Almost Over

 I love August, when I put the biz on the backseat and drive my DIY life around my yard. I had a new roof put on finally, to replace the one I put on in 1996, successfully resisting the urge to do this one too. I know I can't do heavy work like that, but it's so hard to give up what makes me happy. I am a worker. 

Of course any time you touch a part of an old house you start a chain of repairs that present themselves gently and remind you they have needed to be done for awhile. I've always had rodents in the attic and it turns out there was a place they had just chewed up the plywood that was water damaged and were waltzing past my steel wool stuffing, which did give me some temporary relief last winter. So I got some new plywood and it needed to be painted at the gable...which I cannot reach from my light extension ladder that isn't sturdy enough to work on when fully extended. So I borrowed my neighbors gigantic heavy ladder despite knowing it was too heavy for me to move myself. I fixed all the things about the north gable I'd set aside and then had to paint the north side again, which has made the front of the house look shabby but that's going to have to wait for next summer when I will have to get the porch repaired and front steps rebuilt from other water damage, something I was going to do this year. 

And then while I had the ladder I had to touch up the southern gable too because I don't want to not neaten it up after giving it a try last summer with a brush holder on a pole which made a pretty sloppy presentation. But with a house this old, (over 100) there is plenty of sloppy paint and places where water has made its way in and every summer is some  kind of painting and some kind of repair. Plus, I have the second house, not quite as old but even more funky and that rat entrance is next on the list. I'm debating the gable in the back, but being thorough while I can is always a good idea I'm happy about when it's over. And of course in the roofing some gutter brackets got broken and I had to do some of that, with the brittle plastic gutters no longer sold that I have to get up apparently before Wednesday as rain is predicted. I'll believe that when I see it. It's unlikely we will get a deluge so I'll just get whatever gutter work I can fit in. Summer's not really over when August ends although we are getting that cool weather that is the harbinger of the dreaded winter once again.

So the metaphor of the day is that the market is like an old house in when you touch something, something else usually breaks. And what it looks like is that all of these fee increases has broken the members ability to thrive. My analysis of my own sales is that on the face of it, I'm making less than the previous two years, but I raised my prices, so I'm selling a lot less, and the increase in fees is coming up huge. There's a reason we are not seeing a census now that we have plenty of staff to do the work to make one. 

I'm seeing many members who used to come every week now coming the minimum once a month, which hurts your business in every way except your weekly expenses. Your potential customers don't find you there, your new customers find someone else, and you lose your feelings of loyalty to your community and your sense of belonging and routine. For many, the fee increases on top of the gas and vehicle expenses to get to market, and the increase in every kind of materials, is just way too much to continue, and we see many fewer jewelers as they run out of previously bought silver and such, and in general, an erosion of our regular, dependable member population. The market isn't filling every space, with a new wrinkle of people moving into the 4x4s from the 8x8s so that less expensive option is running out of space. There is not an endless supply of new members and the costs for those people are extra-daunting, though they know they have to invest to get going. It's rare to be successful right away and then sustain it over time. 

Many of the more successful members have added more out of town shows where they know they will make thousands instead of hundreds and those shows are easier to get into as all events are facing the increased costs themselves, of just everything. There's a complex balance to it all which is why we always used a lot of tracking analysis like the census to see what our trends were, to collect data over years about how our members were adapting to changing conditions, which have always driven our choices. It has been shocking how little data has been applied to all of these fee increase decisions.

I was surprised to see that someone with authority has said there are only five members interested in selling in November because we have never had a November market with less than a hundred members present, in my memory. Even in monsoon conditions we have more than enough members, and all of us always made pretty good sales as the customers wanted to support us. Now we have told the community not to count on us being there and that is going to be even worse in 2027 as it looks like the market will end sometime in October if the Board vote goes the way it looks like it will. 

Members have gotten used to not bothering to express our opinions as we are dismissed anyway and for many of us, our credibility is attacked and even our most reasonable and well-put arguments are spun as complaining or self-interested. The company line is pervasive in all of the issues and the minutes are minimal when it comes to supporting arguments for any other view. Any public record of any discussion is very detailed for some opinions and deceptively thin for others. 

You can look between the lines if you know the people and have conversations with them, but the enabling of the narcissist's positions is only evident if you are paying close attention. Her favorites and the in-group are assertive and willing to defame their opponents, so most people are just not bothering to speak up. They're looking elsewhere to get their needs met. 

To follow up on the Standards Notice of Concern about my hats, the Committee sent me a letter which I found inconclusive, and didn't escalate to further sanctions, but I don't think the discussion is necessarily over. The minutes gave me no information and I never got to see the language of the concern so even if I wanted to respond to what was really said, I can't. I overexplained, which is a common defensive tactic to narcissistic harassment, but the anxiety production that was the intent worked and I was damaged. 

With the scent issue, they didn't finish handling it yet, but the desired outcome is apparent, which is less enforcement of the solutions that were put in place last time this came up. It's not that hard to see what was done there, but it's knotty so I'll stop here, though I have a lot more observations of how some people are listened to and some aren't, disregarding the structure and effort of their communications and their ability to make their points clearly. Many of us are not great communicators and that makes us easy to manipulate, sadly.

There is one ray of hope that comes with the appointment of our 5th Treasurer of this regime, as she is a retired CPA with the skills we need. We need real data, we need historical perspective, we need analysis and planning. We need to find out what members are experiencing. It is not enough to say the market is making money. We still don't know how last year finalized after the tax expense was factored in. We aren't getting the reporting we need and deserve and we again have no real idea if we're solvent and how solvent we are. This has been true now for almost the whole time since 2021. Financial accountability used to be our top priority. We can't continue like this. We work really hard for our money. Seeing it squandered is so hurtful. 

Meanwhile, members are just being told to promote ourselves in a bunch of different ways. Lots of members did make location signs, nice ones, and then the numbers were changed. Lots of members do post and tag on social media and some are not shared, or retagged. I am not promoting myself on social media, so I'm just relaying what people have told me, but social media is just one way we are supported. I'm not interested in the directory any more. I had photos up, which were tossed out in the remodel, and I put up more, but I can't access my portal anymore so whatever. Come find me in person. Meanwhile, my fees pay for promotions...for everyone. Including people in the out-group. I haven't seen any inclusive promotions in a long time. 

Now we are facing the first football game next week, at 12:30. That can just ruin our day. My strategy is to be ready to sell at 9:00 if possible as people do not know we don't open until 10. I try to find out the opposing team's colors and mascot so I can identify their fans and make them feel welcome. I don't identify as a duck and hate the yellow and green combo and all the hype, and I serve tourists so I see that I have maybe three hours of my day to make those sales. I can tell who is new to market by their reaction to my hats, so I extend myself if I can to let them know I appreciate that they took the time to come on a busy morning. I am extra friendly and interested, in my sales persona. I work it. 

I also try to give extra support to the farmers if I can, as tourists don't buy a lot of produce. Sometimes people with Oregon products do okay, as people do like to take gifts home. There will be some shopping for Christmas if the opponents don't have craft markets like ours. I definitely hope a lot of members come for the short day which might include rain I guess, as it pains me greatly to see a wimpy market with the dashed expectations of the visitors who have heard such great things about us. I really hope we can have a good day for the first weekend in September. 

I'm sad to see August end as always, so I'd better get out there and get those projects wrapped up if I can. I'm sure there are chilly rats ready to move into my shop ceiling if I don't get that highway blocked off. And I have to return that ladder, once I'm sure I'm finished with it. Something tells me it is the last time I am going to borrow it. My neighbor can't lift it either...he's even older than I am.

 

Trying to hang on

 A whole bunch of shitty things happened yesterday but I still enjoyed being me at market and living my life. Connecting with joy is what goes on there every week and it strengthens and rewards me. I got some fantastic cookies and a new kind of bread and enjoyed not having foot pain for the second week in a row! 

The Standards situation might be resolved at their meeting this week. It's so very odd to have a committee come at me for products I have sold for two or three decades. I still have not seen the actual wording of the Notice of Concern, which was anonymous or anyway hidden from me, as is our warped policy. Anyone can write one, even a member of the public, but it's worrying that someone went to the trouble. What was the intention? Were they aware how much it affects any member, even someone who has sold for 51 years, when their products are put on the line? Not to mention the committee members, who have to field the anxiety produced, who are volunteers and are already doing a hard job of trying to protect a hand-crafted market in an increasingly digitized world. 

Do they really think that a hat that says Imagine is hurting the hand-crafted ethic of the market? I don't think John Lennon would be happy about this. My hope is that once they learn about my process and how hands-on it is, how hand-done a printed hat actually is, they will realize the complaint has no merit compared to the potential destructiveness of the correction. I keep a pretty big inventory for each hat, which I offer in five different colors, so if they say I can't sell it, do I get to sell off the inventory before I stop making them? At one hat or fewer per week, it will take a season.

My significant contribution is the design, art preparation, screen preparation, and printing of the hat. That clearly outweighs the commercial item it's printed on, just as a t-shirt that is printed by the artist clearly outweighs the sewing involved in making the t-shirt. I recognize that "significant contribution" is a subjective term, but I am prepared to demonstrate and challenge anyone to come over and do what I do and we can view the results. Can they make a successful screen? It took awhile to get the precise 2 minute and 45 second exposure time right so it wouldn't be over- or under-exposed. It takes some deft brushwork to get that screen in perfect form, with the pinholes and sometimes raggedy lines filled in so the lettering looks clean and sharp. This hat has some thin lines and elegant curves that have to look right. And the printing is hard, really hard. Printing over the seam in the center almost always makes little gaps in the letters or places where there is too much ink, and the hat can be easily ruined. Sometimes I can repair it with a micropen so it looks sharp again. Sometimes it gets thrown in the giant bin of seconds I can't really get rid of. I have boxes of hats in my living room that need to be inspected, retouched, repaired and hand-colored, which I do in the evenings when I have enough energy. 

But the language I have heard so far is that "we have to follow the process" and so on. I sat at the Standards Committee meetings for a lot of years so I get that, and I understand the process. It is a group discussion and then a vote. The people at the table determine your fate as an artisan. It's not fun for anyone.

I asked Bill yesterday how he took the market from 350 members to over 800 in the first couple of years he was manager in the 90s. People don't remember those years, when a lot of members left when a manager made it hard on them. She even ejected a juggler because it was "too dangerous." Bill's answer was that he made it easier to sell. He created additional selling opportunities, such as a program on the downtown mall for selling during the week (which still survives in the Activity Zone permits, sort of.) He collaborated with the farmers and the city to enhance member experiences and helped greatly in getting the farmers more established. He brought us into financial accountability immediately after some $4500 was "lost." He hired the right people (Kim Still!) He worked with a tough Board that wasn't all that respectful and fielded so many problems with good humor and good sense. He was kind, honest, and compassionate (still is of course.) He understood the entire crafter experience and had management skills. 

Contrast that to now, when due to all of the unending fee increases, lack of good promotions, blatant favoritism and poor decision-making, many more members are doing the minimum 12 selling days to keep their reserves or taking leaves until things improve. Every member business makes the best decision for their small business health first, and then thinks about the organization they sell with. When things aren't good, or they don't find it fulfilling or enjoyable, they leave. 

I think about leaving but I have invested my whole working life in the market. I am not going to be pushed out because someone doesn't understand screenprinting or can't see the big picture. I'm not going to be driven to distraction by feeling constantly harassed and lied about to my fellow member business owners. We have always held the utmost respect for each other and how seriously we take our work. We have always built each other up, found our niche and allowed our fellow members to find theirs. We have always been a community for mutual benefit. We have always been supported by staff to do that as well as possible, until now. We are being oppressed by staff and our committees are being weaponized to exclude people who are not in the favored in-group. Targeted harassment and disordered tactics are being used to make people miserable and we are lied to about everything that is happening. We can't see any data, we can't get answers to our questions, and we are told "we can't afford an audit." Yet we can afford to be overstaffed and watch people not do their jobs. 

It's a pretty hard and grim time for us. The denial that we are in trouble is scary. Yesterday we found out that the whole inventory of the Holiday Market promotional materials will be reprinted, at our expense. The dates at the bottom are last year's. The unsupervised an untrained person did not get any support in the way of proofreading to discover they had made a serious and costly mistake that should and could have been prevented. Mistakes are forgivable, and everyone makes them. But we learn to be accountable, take responsibility, and build in systems to prevent repetition. Let us hope that proofreading becomes a regular part of publications as it used to be. No excuses or blaming others will take the place of diligence.

What fee will need to be raised to cover these increased costs, what promotion will be sacrificed? When will we get our tracking processes back, our financial accountability, our safety and future security assured? When will we find equality for members again? When will we be able to trust the information we do get?  There is only one way to fix this.

  

August Days are Full of Memories

Last night instead of passing out in exhaustion (thanks to cold brew) I watched a PBS show that was mostly testimonies from the actual survivors of the atomic blasts of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the Hibakusha, who were teens and children at the time of that horrific, unimaginable destructive force unleashed by liars who said they had no idea about radiation poisoning, and offered no treatment, just occupation and silencing, after the fact. I made myself watch it twice.

I felt that witnessing in that small way was the least I could do for these people and their descendants, who banded together to try to make sure no one else suffered in those ways, as well as the tens of thousands who were obliterated immediately or afterwards, in such horrible ways. Of course war brings so many ways to suffer that we mostly tune out as hard as we can to continue to live in this world where people can treat other people with such inhumanity. I tried and failed to read a long article about Gaza and the Palestinian genocide.

Dehumanizing others is the way it must be done, as we have all observed with the many targets of the war machines we all pay for and accommodate but have little influence upon. We see it growing and cower and just hope it stays as far away from us as possible. I'll always push myself to at least witness their truth whenever it is offered. Presently the wave of lynchings across the US has been coming to the surface, equally horrifying on a different scale, which brings the question of how we can scale and compare atrocities as a way to compartmentalize them and stay out from under the crushing weight of knowing people like us (or even little like us) can prey on other people.

Just makes aversion and escape seem more necessary, carving out safe spaces so we can imagine peace. For a short time, mostly. I try to protect Sundays for that for myself but can't always succeed. 

This was not a typical week and I got very little work done. I was expecting roofers on Tuesday so I spent about a week moving things out of their potential workspace, as I knew there would be some heavy use and unexpected damage that I could only hope to minimize. I marked and widened paths through the gardens and put fences around certain plants, and just eliminated as much yard clutter as I could. Everything went very well, with a new roof and a new skylight that even closes with a battery switch instead of me having to climb up there and put a sheet over it in the heat waves. Squirrels would try to steal the sheets so I also had to take bricks up to weigh it down. 

No more! I won't even have to do any moss abatement for a few years and it was a pleasure to see the workers use modern, improved materials and apply techniques I had no idea about when I shingled that roof in 1996 (they saved me the plywood scrap Richard and I signed and dated.) There was some damage from moisture so they had to replace some plywood and there was a chewed spot where the rats got in, as well as many other issues on my old, over 110 years now, house. I was thrilled to find out I enjoyed leaving it to the professionals, so I am hoping some of the other projects I have been putting  on my same old list for years can be similarly released to people who will do a better job, much faster, than I will ever be able to complete them. It took me two weeks to do the shingling back then, with a hammer...and a lot of help on the sheathing and construction from my friend Richard, who led me through the rebuild that took me 15 years. I could carry about three shingles up the ladder at a time. 

I'm so glad I had that life experience, which I have grown to see so differently over the years, realizing what a gift he gave me in not telling me I couldn't do it. I had no skills or tools but a lot of persistence and foolhardiness that let me learn so much. I doubt I'll ever write those two books about the work, that I started a few times, but I have the photos and the research and whomever inherits this house will get the benefit of those. 

I suppose if I live long enough I will complete those writing projects. Like the roof, things get more daunting over time and I have to embrace telling myself no about so many things now. Things across a broad spectrum of experience and awareness. Life never ceases to present challenges that were never imagined. 

Speaking of Imagine, it turns out that I have exactly one hat, that one, that fits what I think was the Standards objection to my hats. There hasn't been any resolution yet to that situation, just me feeling bad at market every week since, as was probably the object of the harassment. I'll probably never know, as the complaints are anonymous and communications from the committee have not been clear so far. Maybe whatever resolution they come to will be clear, but I'm not expecting that. The question still remains if people will go booth to booth and ferret out every product which potentially does not comply with some revised guideline or other, even if sold for decades by some committed member like me. They are not receiving good guidance on this practice, obviously. Moving the goalposts to put someone out of compliance does not constitute good shepherding of a membership organization or any kind of event or organization at all. New guidelines are applied going forward, not looking backward. You'll care when it happens to you.

My dear friend Luna, who made the beautiful watercolor art for the HM poster and promotions this year, came back after two weeks gone and saw the postcard for the first time. Staff failed to send her a final proof before they sent things to the printer and she had a harsh day weighing how to handle that mangling of her art piece she worked so hard on. The fact that they don't pay the artists anything (you get a free Guidebook ad) does not sit well when they don't do a professional job that enhances your career, as that is basically the benefit you are supposed to get. When you're not proud to show the pieces and put them in your portfolio, which you are building your art career on, it is sad. 

I know how that feels as I have made a few inadequately skilled pieces in my past, which will never really feel well done, including the OCF poster and a few t-shirt failures in the past, but all of the inadequacies were absolutely my fault and I was always treated professionally by everyone who used them or got the revised products or just accepted what they got and made the best of the situation. I know in detail how many objects I have made over time that could have been done better, including almost every aspect of this house, as I am just a learn-as-you-go person, which has good in it but also a lot of compromise. Improvising with the best knowledge and skills you have at the time gets things done, but it can be reckless. All the noise on the roof and the shaking of things in here just made me remember how I didn't tamp down the gravel in my work site as well as I should have. Gravity and the weight of materials is an example of a universal law you really can't get around, at least in the physical world. Just one of many I have fretted about in my own life. She, however, deserved better. Excuses were given but there won't be any ways to correct the damage. 

As we couldn't get around the smoke intrusions last week. Thankfully the market was not cancelled and Saturday was fine, clear and breezy and not that hot, except in the sun which is burning and relentless. The climate emergency is always a topic of conversation now, though we still don't do much about it. Not everyone is willing to do without a car or air conditioning. 

I did finally go visit my podiatrist, which I'd been putting off while dealing with my wrists and other issues, and as I had hoped, he insisted that I should not be just enduring foot pain. With a couple of small things he gave me an almost pain-free day on my feet yesterday for the first time all season and I was walking with delight. Something to mark and protect. It was my limiting factor. It isn't going to go away, but there are ways to be less limited and he was great. He reminded me that there are not many women my age who would do what I do with such capability and persistence. I need to hear that...I tend to minimize myself and my accomplishments, but of course I am amazing. Not the only amazing person, but just someone who could be a little prouder of myself.

I'm getting so much better at boundary issues and speaking up for my rights. It doesn't change the persistent dynamic of being preyed upon by a narcissist, and her enablers, but it takes away their effectiveness. It isn't upsetting anymore. It's still a fact, but now I can work to help others deal with it instead of being defeated by it, and laugh at the escalating tactics that are so predictable as part of the pattern. They look so ridiculous in their posturing as powerful people, when they have extracted all of their power from others, attempting to destroy what was built in order to put their gilded palaces on top of it. Like the Hibakusha, I won't be silenced, though I may suffer. Evil doesn't get to win.  

It may look like it is winning for awhile, but it's important to keep hold of the belief that truth and justice are always working hard. Done by the good humans, who outnumber the predators.