Friends for Life

My oldest friend here in Eugene, Galen, is leaving in less than two weeks for a big adventure that may settle her in faraway lands and I'm shut down about it, trying to get myself to feel what I am actually feeling. I feel loss like a big dark cloud over me and it's making it seem like there is nothing I can do to express my appreciation and love for her steadfast friendship. My mode is avoidance but I know that is so destructive. I busy myself with work and other commitments, when what I really want to do is cling to her and tell her I can't quite live without her. But that isn't what adults do and this is as close as I will get to it. I'll figure something out, though it will seem inadequate, and anyway, I tell myself, we are friends for life and there is a lot of life still to come. Maybe. If we are lucky.

It occurred to me yesterday that I am a reluctant leader. I don't really want to be important and under scrutiny for my actions, reactions, ideas, opinions and thoughts. I could be wrong! Don't listen to me!

But I was right about the weather at Tuesday Market, it was gorgeous. We had a healthy selection of crafts and some real shoppers, the kind who look at every booth, even if they don't buy anything. The traffic flowed a little better in our mini-plaza and we built it all a little bit stronger. There are regular Tuesday sellers, many having been there longer than I have, and they put in the hours and work hard for the improvement that we need, and to sustain what we have.

We get pretty excited when one of the known good sellers from Saturday joins us, and this week it was Willy from White Raven Artworks. I'm not sure how well he did, but he did attract some attention. I set up in a different spot, which was an interesting perspective as I could see most of our Market from where I was, but I'll probably go back to my old spot next week. The center court vision we have for Tuesdays is still stuck over in the side quadrant, but it suits us and our numbers for now so I'll stop trying to push for something that just isn't happening.

We're settling into our separation from the farmers on Tuesdays and it looks like we will be fine. Sales are definitely lower for me, but they are on Saturdays too, and there is not a way to ferret out the real causes for lower sales. There are so many variables, and most of them are well out of my control.

I'm struggling for some clear concept of the state of our relations with the farmers right now. Their splashy front-page article was like a PSA, the information so carefully controlled, and while I feel it was generally accurate, it still only painted a small part of the picture. Yes, they are popular with the public and certainly well-loved in concept. The beautiful food and plants are vital to our lives and we all want them to thrive and want to be a part of their support.

If the past is the past, it was awfully unfair to single out Noa and Kate to blame things on. Noa did the best he could to run three markets a week and all things managerial and I believe he was left fairly powerless by the members and Board at the time. Things got so bad there is no way it was his fault. There were lots of other players, but some of them are big earners over there and in any case, it is not helpful to call out individuals and castigate them for making mistakes. If the past is the past, let's not go there.

What about the present? What about all the issues that have been swept under the rug, like the big grant from the city that remains unspent, even for the electrical improvements that are costing thousands of dollars in loss to individual businesses, every week that they fail to work properly. What about the recycling that isn't getting done, the small farmers who have lost the opportunity to sell over there with the banning of the consignment and community booths? People who can't hack the seniority and space issues, people who are some of the longest running members, who have been there for all of the thirty years, who have been forced out to make space for bigger businesses who may not even be farmers. I think they could put a fair number of vendors in the space used up by the beer garden, and by businesses who have storefronts in other locations and are just taking advantage of a very profitable, cheap space downtown that wouldn't be open to them if the regulating functions of the organization hadn't been cast aside to focus on the manufactured crisis.

Yes, the tax thing was bad, and it was going to be exposed at some point, so it makes sense to spin the story. Most of the money that should have been spent to pay that debt was used up by the subsequent bad managers hired by people taking credit, but the real reason the organization had to borrow start-up funds was that they changed the fee system from percentage to flat fee, which made it so the only way to make more money, was to add vendors. The space problem is manufactured by the simple fact that they big earners felt that their fees were too high, so even the 3% fee for daily sales was dropped. The flat fee is so much cheaper for the big vendors that the space is now highly desirable, and the reason for most of the growth.

The little businesses, the ones who make under $400, would actually be better off within the Saturday Market organization, which has always included those who grow or gather. Some recently posted pictures on the Market website show the LCFM origins, boxes of produce on the butterfly lot. Yes, we started the farmers market, launched them with great effort, and though they separated to run their own organization after about 10 years, those roots are still part of the history. But the past is the past, and now not only are we accused of sabotage, but when we do genuinely try to help, we are scolded.

Farmers are coming to us asking for space and the benefits of our membership organization. We want to welcome them in, but we turn away vendors every week, and the 4x4 system really does not work for those used to one or several 10x10s. Even the 8x8 space is small for a farmer's booth. We want to add an area for farmers, which would help relieve their space problems, allow those who are closer to our ideals and values to join us, and provide an option for those who don't like the policies and practices of the current LCFM leaders.

One thing I know about our organization, from long decades of involvement and observation, is that we really do operate from our core values of equality, fairness, good intentions and thoughtful, conservative management. We really do not engage in scheming, twisting and mis-representing, though I'm not saying we do not make mistakes. Mostly due to the large numbers of people involved, we have our share of darkly humorous jokes, but we operate with the highest morality we can envision. Our leaders have integrity and really do care about doing things right, not just getting them off the list.

We care deeply about the present challenges and the future of our friends across the street. We can't turn ourselves away and pretend we aren't affected by what they do and how they do it. We won't be ignored and kept out of their business completely, because it is our business too.

Many of us are terribly frustrated and demoralized about how difficult the last few years have been for the relationship between the two organizations that are often described as sisters. It's more accurate to view us as the big sister and them as the younger brother, with all the resentment and fractious bickering that comes with growth and autonomy. They do not want our oversight, though they like it when we wash the dishes and bring our assets to the marketplace. They do not even actually seem to want our participation, at least not on our own terms.

It's not that simple, of course, as the real history is definitely not as simple as the article in the R-G would have people think. The organization is in greater internal chaos now than it has ever been, and it has a history of chaos. But let's not talk about that, because that might lead to actual solutions to the problems that might be fair, serve all of the members, and allow the two organizations to be good neighbors instead of cold acquaintances who have an unspoken history.

I don't have a solution, aside from the consistent, patient slogging through each issue as it comes up, never really addressing what it says in the mission statement, the "shared values." It would be enormously helpful to get us all in a room, hammer out the shared values, and make a plan together to make sure all the micro-businesses, large and small, have ways to succeed and a place to sell. But that isn't going to happen, and it would have to be a big room.

The Friends of the Farmer's Market are wonderful people all, but you can't have your friends in charge of your business. In organizations like ours, you have to stay focused on your core values or be swallowed up in confusion. The farmers have friends, but real friends don't just love you. They question you, they reflect you back, and they tell you the truth.

They consistently care, and though they sometimes get things wrong, they come back for another try. The best friends are for life. The best friends stay up at night and listen to your grief or they think about you from their beds, tossing and turning about how to help. They can't walk away.

That's how I'm feeling today about the farmers. I haven't been able to walk away, even when I know it would be good for me. My intentions are coming from my heart and I'm using my brain too. I'm reluctant to get out in front, but I'm always going to be there in the room, willing to speak truth, willing to craft elegant solutions. Even when I am terminated, glared at, and criticized, and told there is no space for me.

Even when I have a lot of other things to do! Even when my emotions are crunchy, I can't shake my feelings of loss, and my finances are scary. I want to feel good about Lane County Farmers Market. I love the farmers. Tough love, friends for life.