A big ball of energy

I have some time before I go to take minutes at an OCF committee, and remembered I was going to write a post about the Fair. Everybody loves to love it, but so many people complain about it too, how it doesn't respond correctly to their very big needs.

Taking the minutes of two committees changed the relationship I have with the Fair, as I am now not just a booth person, but a volunteer. It doesn't show, and won't get me anything, except a new understanding. There are literally thousands of really committed people who do jobs of various levels of importance to make it all happen, and happen well, and they will not notice me joining them, or think I should get anything for it. I don't do it for a pass or to belong or for most of the reasons people are committed, I just felt I had a skill that was needed and thought I could offer some time. I've often thought of ways to reduce the "us vs. them" division that is part of our operations, and this was a surprisingly easy one. Now I'm both us and them.

The one most important thing I have noticed is that there is no one in charge of the Fair, in the way people expect when they complain about the various ways their Big Important Needs are not being met. There is no one noticing that you are being stepped on, or feel that way. It's too big, the spinning ball of energy that is the Fair, and no one is spinning it.

If you are lucky and really dedicated, you might have a slight, temporary influence on the speed or direction of the spin, the way Leslie did, or certain staff people have in the areas of their expertise, but in general, no one person is in charge of the spin. It just goes and goes and gets slowed or diverted despite the best efforts of many to make it the way they want it.

But if you have a Big, Specific Need and the solution seems so simple and you feel ignored and unseen, this is because there is no one in charge of meeting your needs. You have to be in charge of that. If you have a special situation that doesn't seem to fit the rules or procedures, the generally attempted method of meeting your needs is to just quietly do what suits you and make things happen to fit. This does usually work, so we are always quite surprised if it doesn't and we somehow get stuck in the process.

The situations I am thinking of are mostly booth related. Your booth rep gets a divorce and you are cast out, friendless after so many years of thinking you belonged, or you want to hand things over to your kids but they don't actually do what you do and it gets a bit sticky. Or you want to continue, but not doing what you were doing, and rejurying creates huge problems. Or there is a tree growing in your booth and you know if you cut it someone will be mad at you, but you can't get the people who are supposed to do it to do it.

I've seen this over and over, that you don't know who to ask, and you start the shuffle from person to person, each one refusing to back your dog or even admit that you have a dog and there is a fight. I've done it myself, complete with the tearful rant where years of frustration get dumped on one overworked and befuddled volunteer, who mostly just wants to have a pass so they can dance in a meadow in the sun. Along with all the wonderfulness and positivity that so many bring to each other so repeatedly, there is a seething swamp of dysfunction and poor behavior that is just part of the human condition.

No one is in charge of cleaning it up or preventing it from happening, although the many trainings, hippie ethics and actual skilled communicators within our organization do help many work through these things and sometimes do it well. I've heard more than once that instead of a Scribe Tribe, we need a pool of skilled facilitators or counselors or steps to follow to keep things from getting to the screaming rant stage.

Now that I am closer to being on the inside (still no t-shirt) I see the screaming ranters a little differently, a little more as patterned behavior and not so much as hurt individuals. I think the Fair needs to find some ways to evolve together toward feeling more united and less divided into interest groups, and it is possible that the Scribe Tribe concept is one step toward that. I know I am attending meetings I would have no reason to attend without my role. What are some ways we could encourage more people to step into something in which they have no direct interest? How can we get each other to see more of the big picture and feel more a part of it? I think Suzi's book Fruit of the Sixties had a big part in shifting my thinking, as I saw how many roles some people play over time, especially in the beginning when there were fewer of both us and them.

I'm not full of answers. I'm just taking these small steps to help my own understanding. One, there is no one in charge, and two, there is no one in charge of fixing your Big Important Problems but you. However, there will probably be no easy solution, no matter how simple things look to you, unless you can see a bigger view, way beyond your situation and into the spinning ball.

Put out one finger, and move toward the ball, and see if you can feel it from the outskirts. No? Move closer. Be careful, don't get too caught up. Be assured, it is not what you think.

It's almost never what you think it is. I like that about it. It's better than I thought it was, though the parts that are bad are worse than I thought. I like thinking that nothing I do will matter in the least, to the big picture. I'm simply unimportant, like the other thousands of us reaching out one finger to test the wind.

It's actually making me love it more, that big, uncontrollable, wild spin of big trees and small folks. Nothing is under control.

I thought of the shirt I want to do for this year: Oregon Country Fair Spawn

Tiny fertile seeds of thoughts and stoned nights around campfires, laid in the gravel to be found or not, to grow or not, to die and be forgotten, or not. To shine briefly and then flame out.

Missing Lowell, Wally, and all those others. So many others. Good thing they left their seeds.