Cooler days, more silence

What seems to be evident this week is the lost opportunities we are experiencing because of the absence of information and communication between the power structure and the membership. For instance, LCFM is advertising that SM members are co-selling with them at the Night Market this Thursday night. Yet there has been nothing in our newsletters, it's not on the market calendar, and no one has offered the sales opportunity to our membership. Or, possibly, it has been offered to some portion of our membership based on their proximity to the inner circle? I don't know. I expect if I asked staff about it directly I would find out that I could sell there, if there is time to attend a farmers' market orientation. I don't know anything about it personally, and I am not planning on selling there, I just think in a better situation we would have heard about this and all had an equal chance to participate. 

I guess there will be skating inside the pavilion so spaces are no doubt limited, but then announce that, and take the first however many applicants in some type of order, point order or "first come/ first served." Maybe that was done, and I just didn't hear about it. I suppose it could have been in the Admin report that none of us got unless we attended the Board meeting.

There has been no official response to a discussion of adding back in the November 8th Market  so we don't have two weeks off between the PB and HM. I saw a quick ad repeating the November 1st last outdoor market, so I take that as a NO. A good management would recognize the member interest in having a sales day, our only paydays, and find a way to make it happen. Instead we got someone with no authority speaking up to tell us that we as members could organize and fund a plan to make it happen and submit that to management. Which they could just say no to. We as members already are organized and have a plan, which is selling on the Park Blocks every Saturday rain or shine until HM starts. But management decided that we can't have that.

I see from the HM schedule that we got extended loading hours which are of course welcome but will be needed since our entire load-in plan was jettisoned last year and we will get a new, untried plan that sounds really problematic to me. Adding open hours for load-in costs us money, of course, unless they are minimally staffed which I am guessing is not going to be possible with this new load-in plan, which sounds like it will involve a lot of staff control. So we go from doing something ourselves, which we were always fine with and great at accomplishing, to paying staff to control the process, something we did not ask for and do not need. But it's job security for someone.

I got no response so far to my letter to the Board, well, one response thanking me for stating the obvious but none in the mode of solutions. I have patience. I know how reluctant Board members always are in responding to individual concerns, as they can't speak for the group and don't want to give false assurances that solutions will be found. I am aware that a lot of Board members don't know me personally and don't remember that I was Volunteer of the Year for 2023. It was the quietest announcement ever when it was awarded at the tail end of the Annual Meeting that year. There was no photo...I had to ask for one to be taken. No flowers or anything, no celebration of it, but that was okay with me really. I have never volunteered for the recognition. There were never any photos shared of the merch I made and sold and donated to the market with, either. Four years and no promotion. I've now given most of it away. 

Obviously I am not all settled about how to make contributions to the common good at this point. I still enjoy the market day, which is pretty hard to spoil, and which is why we are still apparently thriving on the surface. It didn't really rain, was just kind of showery for the first hour or so, but market wasn't all the way full. Next week is the State Fair and we will lose a few members to that, and to hot weather, but we are still getting a lot of tourists from everywhere. It should be a good fall depending on how the football games are scheduled. And the weather of course. People want to move here. 

The cool weather has been delightful. I'm going to get started on the painting any day now...after I finish up the OCF stuff I am still putting away. I really want to get into the neighborhood research again after seeing inside the next-door walls when she had the siding removed. There were the wide boards just like in my house! They were horizontal on the outside instead of vertical, but there was this cool curved something and lath and plaster and knob-and-tube traces as well as the old fir boards. I think the house might be closer to the age of mine than I thought, so I want to look at the maps again and see what I can find out that I had missed before. Maybe I can research the original owners of it a little more. 

Gotta do something with all these apples first though. So many apples.  

Little Things Mean More Than You Know

 Extra hot today so will be catching up on things like cleaning and food processing. Spent all last week making a new Jell-O crown to wear at the Slug Queen Coronation which came and went with some frustration and I didn't get a single photo from it so far. I'll take some today before I put all the Jell-O away again. I've been practicing not making things about me (kind of a lifetime pursuit of equality) and I didn't call a lot of attention to myself on purpose. I was there to serve the Queens and my huge debt to Kim Still for her own service and I was properly thanked by a number of Queens who noticed. This year was particularly frustrating as we stood around with nothing to do for about an hour as SM people failed to show up to provide the chairs so we could get set up in time. I had to tell numerous people they couldn't sit in the first two rows which weren't even there except for a few privately owned chairs some of the Queens had left. Two of my helper buddies faithfully showed up but we couldn't do our work. I don't know how much SM gets paid or spends on the Coronation but it has now been fully perverted by the passive-aggressive (and even aggressive) need for attention by the SM power people who demand to be a part of it. I put their chairs directly behind mine so I could most effectively not let them spoil my fun. 

I try hard to remember that everyone gets to make their own contributions in life and it is not my right or job to control those, just to make my own choices about how they affect me, but it's harder with some people than others. I have these very tender feelings about things I value, like the relationship I have with the Slug Queens, with former SM friends and with current SM friends and it's so hard to watch them be ruined by selfish and clueless people who don't even see me living my values. Trying to, I should say. But I will still continue trying and attempting to clarify and improve my social presentation and living out my values and managing my expectations about how that actually works in an increasingly hostile and dismaying world that I'm trying to thrive in. Thriving may not be on the table without a lot of selfishness and tough boundary-setting. I suppose thriving is not easy for anyone and we do all need the support of each other, committed to all of us getting what we need. 

I'm quite flummoxed on what to do about the restriction of the Board packet done by the Board Chair  this month. I let the Board know that it effectively ended my 16-year volunteer task of compiling the digital archive for Market, but got no response specifically to that. Ironically in my envelope this week was the volunteer brochure I helped develop, a gut punch first thing in the morning. Yes, I know how to volunteer for Market. I've spent years working on that and doing that. A lifetime in fact. I feel completely blocked from that now.

I haven't changed. I still deeply love what we built as a community and are building every week, and have still been trying to make my contribution by archiving and caretaking the business of the org, but my efforts are being set aside and my history is unknown by the people currently making the decisions. I don't know who to appeal to about it or how to appeal it. I'm in shock and am seeing many people being damaged by this, some damaging others as they thrash through their emotions, and some just disappearing from our community in their pain and dismay. Many of course are completely unaware of those struggling, and it's impossible for me to see a way to introduce them to it. When the Board members don't respond, repeatedly, a person does not know how to keep up the conversation. I don't know why they are so afraid of me, in particular, and all of the concerned members, in general. I suppose it is because they are uncertain of their own actions and values and need guidance. 

My role as guide was an important one that I always tried to hold with humility and grace and repeat that I was not an authority but just trying to bring things forward that I had learned. I suppose some of those things were inconvenient, and it is not a widely shared skill to sit with uncomfortable thoughts and find ways through them to solutions. I don't understand even a little bit how restricting member access to the business of the organization can be viewed as acceptable, even for a day, an hour. I don't know how it could even be considered. 

Except in a world of people who view control and dominance as a desirable condition, with the competition to be on top the highest value. It's the opposite of any way the Market has ever been. It has always been a model of collaboration, equal access, value for everyone's contributions to the whole. I have really not experienced this type of control and exclusion in the community. I fear for our survival as an organization. It hits me hard and I have to back away and not spend every day shaken to my core. 

The external world is hard enough. Market has always been a refuge for us, and many of us still feel that every week in intense gratitude. Most of our members do not want to see anything different and are not seeing what has changed.

But at this point, selling days have been taken from us with nothing in return. Our fees have been raised to cover overspending and irresponsible financial management. And now our ability to know the details of what is being done with our money and our vital resources is taken from us. We can't engage in the business without access to the details. It's the opposite of transparency and since we have always worked with a lot of mutual trust, it's the destruction of our basic operating system. 

Trust is carefully built and easily destroyed. That's why we have always tried hard to maintain a close watch and an open, encouraging way in the workings between members and staff, the public and our internal relationships. Trust has always paid off for us. It just took one person with the willingness to lie and dominate the culture to divide us up and destroy what we carefully tended together. 

One of the things I'm experiencing is grief. This shit is hard to watch. Things are broken.  

Last week was not great

 I'm seriously disturbed about the latest actions by the power structure. It's unclear if the whole Board was involved in this or just the Chair at the direction of the GM (yes, this is backwards regarding who is the Director) but access to the Board packet was revoked except for the agenda and minutes of the last meeting. No Admin report, no Advertising update, no Member Concern letters, no Membership Report, no Committee reports, and no financial documents. I don't know if it was restricted for everyone, or just selected members, although I assume the Board members got the full packet. I'll just mention that this is the end of the digital archive I have been keeping since 2009 of the Board Packets, policy documents, and publications of the Market. I have no Secretary to appeal to in this matter. As digital archives are going to be the future of archiving, this is a loss that can not be estimated. It's tragic. 

The Bylaws state:   Section 9. Secretary: Powers and Duties. The secretary shall attend all meetings of the board of directors and shall keep and distribute or cause to be kept and distributed a true and complete record of the proceedings of those meetings. The Secretary shall give or cause to be given notice of all meetings of the directors and perform whatever additional duties the board of directors and the chairperson may from time to time prescribe.

If I were Secretary I would view this as an ethical breach of my duties and would be forced to resign, but of course I already did that and now there is no Secretary or even a designated acting Secretary. The minutes are stripped of most of the content except for the new addition of  everyone's role (such as Board member:,) and there is no discussion included of any of the issues. This creates an additional class of membership, taking away the equal members status of anyone who wants to speak at the meeting. Identifying the person's role adds (or subtracts) weight to their comments and instead of clarifying the discussion, masks the appearance of a discussion and leads to the assumption that much is being left out and dismissed.

Traditionally our minutes, like those of any membership organization, have been comprehensive and detailed to serve as an information conduit to members who for whatever reason choose not to attend the meetings, so that they can keep up with issues and be assured that points they feel should be included in the discussion are brought up. Without the discussion points, members wonder if their perspective is being considered. For instance, when the fee increase was discussed, I asked a Board member if anyone had mentioned that it was a regressive method of increase, as that is a point I always tried to make when increases were considered. Being assured that it was brought up, I had no need to communicate that perspective in person: my views were being represented. Without those discussion points, members have no idea whether or not they are being represented by those people the membership elected to serve.

Serve is an important operating word: directors and officers are elected to serve the organization and the members. Not to rule. Not to just "support staff" as the election campaign code words indicated. All of us support staff. We make the money to pay them. We carefully consider our impacts on them so that all members can be served. This is why I have never felt that everyone should be calling the office or going in person to ask all of our many questions and to get the information and details we need to feel properly led. We ask our friendly Board member representatives, we read the newsletters, we read the Board packets and we read the policies and documents supplied by the staff so that they can do their operational jobs and not be overwhelmed by having to serve individual member needs and interrupt their work with concerns that the members could satisfy themselves. Somewhere this went out the window. I submit that staff costs could be greatly reduced if members were not continually encouraged to call the office but instead be pointed to the ways they could get the needed information. 

Gatekeeping is the control tactic that withholds access to information and requires permission, insider status, or some kind of loyalty pledge to get what should be commonly shared information to all members. We need to see committee reports to know if we should go to the committee meeting or work through one if its members to share our concerns or ideas. We need the staff reports to know if our staff is doing what we need them to be doing. We absolutely need the financial data to know how healthy our organization is, as it is our money, it determines our present and future livability, and we as members are still as directly responsible for the health and legality of our organization as anyone is. Most of us take this seriously and do our share, many times more than our share. In return we expect information, and more than that, we expect trust.

Gatekeeping the Board packet in a letter just told all members that we are not trusted by the power structure to have access to information about our money, our plans, our operations, or our governance. We are not trusted. Yet we are still asked to trust, but that is just not going to be possible. Trust is continually built through openness and honesty. The letter made the thin argument that it is not required by law to share information with the members. However, we have had a 55-year agreement with our members that all information would be shared (with some small protections for legal and personnel details that should be kept confidential for reasons of respect.) Our members have been trusted for over five decades to have the best interests of Market at heart. With that trust, we are able to extend a trust relationship to our representatives, staff, and each other. That trust is now broken.

From the membership agreement we all signed:  all members have equal access to the
same benefits, rights and services. From the information for new members: Getting Involved with Your Market: Saturday Market is a Member run organization that relies on Member input for guidance and inspiration. The Board of Directors, Standards, Holiday Market, and Sustainability meet monthly, and Food Committees meet as scheduled. Market Members are always welcome to join committees or just sit in to see how the Market works behind the scenes. Committee meetings are listed in each week’s Market newsletter, and on the Market Calendar on our website.

These duties and responsibilities for members can not be done without access to the current information as previously been freely given via the Board packets, minutes, and open discussions.This action to restrict packet access is in direct violation of the principles we have operated by for 55 years.

I have invested my life in this market, with service and responsibility that has operated for the 50 years I have been involved. A list of the accomplishments I have been able to make because of the mutual trust would fill pages. Some significant ones include writing many policies and updates as Secretary, in service to the Board, launching the archives project, securing grant funds to support it, creating promotional materials, merchandise, supplying screenprinting services for many fundraising campaigns, operational needs, and extras we couldn't afford, and bringing forward Lotte's legacy and the early history that our founders recorded for us. I helped as a member of the 3-person team who negotiated with the city and architects regarding the redesign project, and took on the additional role of emailing members weekly about details they needed to know. It has been possible for me to work as unpaid staff to get us through the pandemic, the management crises after we lost our GM in 2021, and support for staff throughout our history as a Board Chair, Secretary, and regular volunteer all along. At times this was a full-time job, at no cost to the market. I have always given more than I have gained. 

I am now treated in a hostile manner by staff, fellow members, Board members and officers. The loss of the trust relationship has been more demoralizing than I can express, and if this has not happened to you, if you have not extended decades of dedicated and principled service, and then been marginalized and maligned, I am happy for you. It has been the most discouraging experience of my lifetime and I carry it every day. I resigned a year ago for ethical reasons and I have not put down responsibility and service during this year, though it has been clear that my service is unwanted and unappreciated. 

However, I do not feel I have any influence or shared respect to help correct this current crisis that is a monumental change to our membership understanding and our basis of existence as a mutual benefit organization. I implore anyone reading this to take action to convey to the Board what has just been excised in another instance of the end justifying the means. Being afraid or suspicious of one, a few, or even a group of members who hold different opinions about an issue or policy or situation can not justify taking away the access of all of us to informed participation in our organization. Punishing all for the perceived and misunderstood actions of a few is a recurring solution to problems that has crippled our organization during the current administration. 

We are in financial peril, with many members experiencing lost payments, restricted access to methods of payment, and the use of our funds for purposes in which we have no opportunity for input. In addition, members are being personally attacked with anger at committee meetings, with no intervention by the staff in the room, and via the Notice of Concern system, being disciplined in humiliating ways by staff, with membership revocation being used as a solution to members who complain or make mistakes. Our selling opportunities have been cancelled without our input.  

Our longstanding commitment to empathy and mutual trust is gone. Our members are afraid to speak up, to speak with each other, and volunteers are disappearing to the point where we will lose our committee system as well as the viability of Holiday Market. New volunteers do not bring the institutional knowledge that seasoned volunteers hold, yet such members are being pushed out as "privileged" or irrelevant while unneeded reconstructions are made of things that were not broken. 

Our organization depends on member contribution, dialogue, shared problem-solving, and trust. Ask yourself who is destroying this, and why. Please do what you can and support others who are working in the best interests of the membership.  

Summer Projects

 I love summer, and now that OCF is wrapped, it is my time for summer projects. I got to most of the garlic just in time, but still have tons of weeding to do and have to restore my raspberry patch this year in the process. I just want to be outside all of the time, no matter how hot it is. 

At the same time, my body is telling me my ambitions are too high. I still hurt in several places from all of the work of Fair, and haven't gone out to clean up my site yet, which I really need to do this week. As it involves lifting wood, I'm dreading it a bit. The site after the event is always so dried out, beaten down and hard-used, it makes me vow to go out more when it is fresh, watered, and lush. Spring flowers are incredible there. I absolutely must spread out my work there too, as trying to do all the set-up in two days was just way too hard this year. 

Market is barely manageable, as my new shoes didn't prove to be miracle-working, as I'd hoped. The foot I broke 13 years ago is showing me its longterm conditions for use, and I am not catching on to the adaptions I'm having to make. I simply cannot stand all day long so will need a high stool to sit on, so I can still be at customer eye level but able to rest the foot. Of course that won't help the back problems, or the other things I need to accommodate, but I'm hoping my new improved attitude will allow a bit less avoidance and a bit more realistic change.

Meanwhile, avoidance of Market politics isn't working as things get more toxic. More members are becoming targets of harassment for what is essentially questioning the decisions of the power structure, which are being delivered in a "if you disagree there is something wrong with you" manner. We no longer have a consensus-seeking process, we have an in-group agreement to push aside anyone who represents a different opinion, and this has spread to many topics, but it's most egregious when it comes to the efforts to make all members comply with all "guidelines" which are no longer suggestions for best practices but laws with "consequences" attached and control and domination tactics employed to get compliance. Humiliation at the hands of your fellow equal members is becoming common.

Numerous members have been labeled "mentally ill" or "disturbed" if they persist in making their disagreements known. I remember when I first sensed I was put in that category, and it was subtle but twisted. An angry person had dropped his suitcase near my booth, but I hadn't heard him say something threatening about it. All I saw was a suitcase in the aisle so I moved it to the corner out of the way. The story came back to me as something that had been chuckled about, that in a ditzy way, I had acted just like a silly old woman would have, and that was so endearing. I do not find my characterization as a silly old woman endearing. I think I have proven that I am a sharp, critically thinking and extremely capable seasoned person, and any diminution of my personal power is a calculated robbery of my standing and effectiveness as a member. That was just the tip of an iceberg as it turned out. 

The tactic of labeling someone as disturbed or crazy is super effective when people don't have direct experience with that person, but place their faith in the opinion of someone in power. It is being used to prepare others to take punitive action against another member, piling up "evidence" carefully to destroy that person's credibility and warp their actions into something suspicious or threatening. Evidence includes people you are seen speaking with, (you must be conspiring, even though you are maybe talking about your products or anything, even the weather), offhand remarks taken out of context, comments you might have made in person or on social media that could have been meant in completely different ways, such as jokes, and infractions you might have made against the many rules. Or you squinting into the sun in the direction of someone who takes offense and sees you as casting the evil eye on them. Any action or statement is fair game.

I used to say that we all had that one rule we didn't follow, but now that might be used in a list of things you do to oppose management control. I don't joke about that now. Our traditional freedom to retain some independence as individual business owners is being taken as some kind of disloyalty that makes us dangerous to the org. There is only one allowed position and that is to support the management in every decision and intent. 

This is of course resulting in a visible lack of volunteers and support for organizational efforts. No one wants that Secretary job, which involves responsibility and a close working relationship with the GM. No one wants to be on the committees where the atmosphere is highly controlled and not collaborative. There's some idea that everything has to be unanimous as if different opinions were destructive or dangerous. Hey, votes have three cateories...approve, disapprove, stand aside. All valid and all helpful in getting to the "elegant solutions" that work the best.

The scariest part is the punishment era we are in where members build cases to terminate the memberships of their equals. When disagreement is a threat, and members are labeled as "unmanageable" it is seen as acceptable to take away their access to the community, the opportunity to make their livings, and to ban them from the marketplace. I don't see how any member can do this without that gut feeling that they themselves could be next. This has never been part of our culture. Someone would have to actually commit a dangerous crime to have their membership taken away. We have always maintained that our diversity is our strength, and that lots of different opinions, styles, and ways to be creative were acceptable and desired, to keep us lively, accessible, and thriving. Conformity has never been something we imposed or even saw as necessary to begin with. 

But every kind of diversity is threatening to this power structure. If domination and control tactics don't work, those with voting power are told false narratives about people being unmanageable, dangerous, and necessary to remove for the protection of the GM. Instead of having someone able to do many types of management that would be effective, when her tactics don't work, she constructs a case that no one could do better and removal of the offender is the only solution. 

I want an end to termination of membership as a possibility while this is dealt with as a negative aspect of our current structure that will destroy us. It is seriously offensive. It is authoritarian and seeing otherwise reasonable people engage in these actions is so very demoralizing. No one is safe from this. 

I do not feel safe at Market, not safe to engage in my longterm friendships, to express my opinions, to engage in any market dialogues or online discussions, not safe to pose solutions or questions, not safe to write this essay. I know there is already a case against me, though it hasn't been documented with Notices of Concern yet or whatever might be in store for me. Ask yourself if someone in their 50th year of participation, having always acted in responsibility and service, feels threatened, what must someone new be feeling? The scrutiny is always there. I am being watched. I'm being judged by my associations, perceived attitudes, sharing observations, attempting to point things out that go against our shared values. 

And if I am, so are you. Is this what you want every week when you show up? Do you feel like an outsider while you see an in-group rejecting other equal members? Are you preferring silence to looking for solutions? 

I don't know how to fix this. I'm working on it. But I do know that I am not crazy, and my observations are not because I am mentally ill...and neither are yours. Take heart. Truth and justice are powerful and they won't hide.  

Golden moments are more than just dust in the sun

Super dusty Fair, which had the upside of making bandanas a hot property, but then it was really physically hot too and sales were lower than they would have been. And everything, everything, is brown with dust. I'm a bit afraid to open the totes, as even my products might need to be washed or the prices lowered. That's on for tomorrow. Today I had two zooms so I had to function and communicate and keep doing laundry. I need a vacation.

I didn't have enough workers so had to be there selling the whole time, which meant no shopping, no strolling over to Xavanadu for lunch, or much of anything besides work and exhaustion. But I still managed to somewhat recapture the love I have for the community we built out there and all of its far-reaching effects.

If there is going to be a better, more compassionate world, it will be because people like the ones I know out there have worked their whole lives to create and nurture it. Our kids, and our grandkids get it, and carry it forward in inspiring ways. I feel again like we will get through these times and on to somewhat easier ones again.

Except for the climate emergency. We are not getting out of that. I generally love it when nature takes over and takes away our human superiority complex and we are humbled. I'm grateful it didn't rain, as that tree that grows in my living space makes it impossible to keep things dry, even with the many tarps and gear I take out there for that eventuality. It has certainly happened a few times but this time it was dry dry dry. I'm still parched. 

The worst part was the hundreds and thousands of rocks in the path and all over the ground. Stepping on rocks drove my foot injury wild. My right foot hurt the whole time. Now that I am back my neck and hands are painfully complaining about all the lifting and overwork. The first two days of setup were way too hard on my body. Next year I have to carve out some time to get out there and do some prefair site prep. Gone are the days when there were volunteers and staff to help with that. Water crew messed up and couldn't fill the path-watering barrels so that caused the overwhelming dust problem. I don't blame the volunteers. One factor that we discussed was that when the older volunteers leave, they generally don't mentor successors or have a process for making sure all the hard-gained knowledge is passed to the new members of the crew. I'm sure some do, but it is just hard and complicated to compile institutional knowledge when it rests in dedicated people who sometimes leave without being ready or emotionally settled enough to help who's left.

Much like what happened with my job at Market. I wasn't able to find anyone to mentor in the many aspects, though I did document most of it as an extended job description. Right before Fair some market members started trying to figure out what a Secretary is supposed to do, and I was able to provide that, but didn't have time or energy to discuss what wasn't working and won't just start working with a new person in the position.

Many of the tasks or responsibilities in my description require a lot of collaboration with staff, either the manager or whomever is the main Board support person on staff. We just don't have that person on our staff now. We had it for a minute with Veronica, but that didn't last long enough to get out ahead of all the things that were being undone by staff that didn't know or care how to support volunteers. The top priority of the GM seems to be controlling member behaviors and working to harass and remove members from their uses of their powers to contribute. She isn't a collaborator. The gaps in her knowledge and her desire to learn about her job and our org are debilitating for the org. When I think about what we could be experiencing it makes me so sad. 

I may prioritize finishing up 2019 archiving as we were pretty much at the top of our success during that 50th season. We had a manager doing a decent job, working with a team of workers who were doing fairly well under her direction. When she left they kind of fell apart, but hid that. Over the years since then, we have lost a lot, a lot of knowledge, many volunteers who have been pushed out for various reasons, and a new era of crisis management and drama which means we can't make any progress into getting back into shape. We're overextended in so many ways and our ethical standards and shared values and sense of intention are at odds, our members divided and confused. We have no transparency and manipulation and lies are the norm. It was a relief to have a week off from it. 

While I feel energized and capable, I am very wary of re-entering any type of responsibility or service with the org until we change staff, and I feel compelled to work toward that change despite how difficult and demoralizing it has been. I fear if we don't do it soon we will set even more destructive policy changes and erosion of values in place that we won't be able to recover from. Members who leave seldom return. There isn't an endless number of members, or willing volunteers. 

I hear unthinkable cultural attitudes that I don't believe are true or fair, such as blaming slow change on dug-in old people who refuse change. I think that is a false narrative that has never been true and isn't now. All of the people I worked with embraced change just fine, when it was improvement, refinement, and new technique and skills. Change just for itself is not an improvement. There has to be a purpose in it. Charging members more money won't create the changes we need, it will just support the wasteful and irresponsible overspending we have been seeing.

We need our committees to be restored to doing their jobs, and making the recommendations that are needed, which would then be carried out instead of opposed and defied by the GM. The Board would direct the staff, not just rubberstamp what she wants to do. We have never been ruled by an autocrat, especially one with so many hidden and destructive impulses and plans. We have always been a sensible, fiscally responsible organization that spent within our means and honored our commitment to support emerging artists as well as those who depend on the market for our livelihoods. 

Fair has its issues but things seem to be turning a bit in a more sensible direction as people catch on to the damage that can be and is being done by narcissistic, controlling manipulators in high positions. Our small business owners like honesty, transparency, justice, and truth. We will bring these values back and hold onto them. Gathering in such a large group out in the woods just reinforced that. 

It felt good. I was even able to be friendly to people I'd been avoiding. Drama faded away and it felt good to be me doing what I can do so well. I felt restored and hopeful most of the time. Now I have to hold onto that and make it come back down on the Park Blocks too. 

A Girl Can Dream

 I'm still having fun printing bandanas. I'm sure I have way too many but these may not go out of style for awhile. 

And I'm not sure I can say this enough. Down with fascism. 

Hot topics are too hot

 So much too hot for screenprinting and deflecting bullies. The piling on of bullies on even the concept of an unofficial group like the one Ash started is outing a lot of controlling people and people intent on supporting a controlling agenda. When the OCF groups started (I think it was before the pandemic, when the power politics came in, or maybe before that even) there was a flood of bullies trying to shut down the groups, their discussions, and people's ability to express dissenting opinions or even explore their reactions to official acts. It took awhile to balance out, and resulted in people leaving the community when they found out how willing others were to spread misery. On the site I like, Negative shit we don't want to talk about, we kick the bullies out after explaining that we are essentially a serious but snarky site that isn't for everyone. It's a lovely community for the most part.

It seems not connected to what's happening at market, but actually it is. There are leaders in both memberships and staffs who have been there and subscribed to this new control fantasy that you can get hundreds or thousands of members to only talk about and to accept the company line. This obviously is not possible and is a control fantasy. Now, in a move that is so predictable yet shocking, the market site has been closed down to any but admins and posts they approve, until Wed. night they say. Even after deleting some bullying comments, it looks like they can't handle the free speech issues raised by the people they don't like. They couldn't just delete all the bullying, because some of it was being done by their favorites. 

As an admin I tried to let bullying sit a minute for people to see it, and then ask the person to moderate their comments or I'd remove them. Often they would moderate themselves and the discussions could go on. But those times were so much more trusting than these. It's hard to explain that things worked so much better with trust, when obviously it only took one or two untrustworthy people to come in and turn us upside down. 

Controllers and narcissists and bullies use similar tactics to take you down and at minimum, discourage you from speaking up, particularly on social media but also in real life. I've gotten schooled so many times from people that insist that whether or not I have an official position, I am a leader and it is my responsibility to stay on message with the power structure and encourage and guide everyone else to do that too. When I had a position, I did feel the pressure of my duty of loyalty, obedience, and care to do what I could to support the company line, until it became an oppression of my moral values and ethics. And then, I quit my positions in both organizations and was surprisingly not more free to express myself, because the bullies didn't really care what kind of pressure they had to use on me, they still found types of pressure to use.

My duty of loyalty is to the organizations, not to their power structures, like our duties in real life are to our communities, our families, our constitution, not to people who want to use power over us. We don't have to do what they want us to. Boundaries are very maddening to controlling people. They tend to deepen and shift their tactics to less direct ones, which if you try even a little bit you can see operating.

One way is that they change the ways they speak about you. Instead of me resigning after many dedicated years of service, I "left them in the lurch." Instead of the person I had always shown myself to be, I was now somehow someone else, according to the stories that filtered back to me. I'm an easy person to bully...I tend to keep my accomplishments and such to myself, and just let my work speak for me. I did a really thorough and more than competent job as an officer, with depths of effort that did not show, but now I am categorized as someone who made "egregious failures." It goes on and on. 

It has not been easy to learn how to not allow myself to be bullied, to learn to set boundaries and not care so much. It is necessary, however. They have many tactics to draw you into traps, like the post asking for my participation in a discussion of the GM position and issues. The same person who continues to disparage me all of a sudden "valued my input." The set-up was obviously provocative. 

I made a promise to myself when I turned 75 that I would no longer accept the presence of bullies in my life. I blocked a couple on social media, and when they try to engage with me I am not available for it. I pull back opportunities for them to use me. It's not pleasant. I'm not used to it. I am getting more skilled at it, though.

I know some of you readers have not done the study of bullying and narcissism I have done over the last decade, and you will make the common judgement that I am not rational on the subject and manufacturing evidence to show myself as a victim. Study up. There is a ton of information on the internet that will teach you some of the tactics, and the many nuances of how they are hidden behaviors for the most part. 

You may not have registered the changes in our organizations since these controlling people came along. You may be confused as to why people are fighting, intolerant, "spewing negativity" (a common criticism of any disagreement) and struggling to participate fully. I am here to tell you that the culture of bullying is being fostered from the top. You can see that in national politics, and it is no different in our microcosm. People with power are using it to hurt and control and dominate others. People who won't accept that domination are being targeted with punishment, banishment, and shunning. 

It's always my policy to not trash individual volunteers who are trying, I am sure, to do their best, even when I disagree with their opinions or tactics. I might speak about their positions, or their behaviors, but I am not here to name names. You will need to figure out that part for yourselves. But use your gut feelings, ask questions, and make observations. Watch how dissenting opinions are handled. Watch what happens when someone resists compliance.

I have to get back into the very hot shop and print some black hoodies, which as you can imagine, is something I do not want to do today. But I will. Because my client treats me with respect and lets me know I am valued, worth what I charge, and my dependability is honored. I have let the clients go who don't treat me that way. My life is better for it.