Love it or hate it? Not that simple

 Another beautiful but windy day at the market this week. It is decidedly more windy than it used to be. I hope it isn't a permanent change. There is an added level of stress with the gustiness and it was hard to remain calm. We also had a violent incident from a young man that stuck with us in our small neighborhood and made us hustle to get off the blocks at the end of the day. He did come back, and tried the same behaviors, but not near me, and it felt like a narrow escape. Selling in a public place is not easy.

We're about to have an election without a Secretary, who oversees elections as a vital part of their duties. There was no "Secretary's Announcement," at least not one that got to the members. I don't actually know who is terming off. The three people who are running are nice people who will do their best, but I hope for them they get the training they need and have sufficient knowledge and experience to do the jobs they will be elected to do. With three candidates, they're all elected even if they each only get one vote. Not really an election. I just read through the bylaws and the revised election policy, which is now only "Election Procedures," and there's a lot still there, though a few things are changed slightly. I hope it will be done well by the Head Teller and whomever else is involved. I don't see the "Secretary's Announcement" language anymore. Oh well. 

However, the membership is now so thoroughly divided that anyone running with any kind of nuanced message would not have a chance. It has been "support the current power structure" for some time. I wish these new people well. Group process takes skills and clear communication and a lot of energy, so I hope they are ready for that. 

I feel a compulsion to put out a more nuanced position, but overexplaining is a part of the narcissistic pattern that I just do not have the time and energy to participate in anymore. When there is only one position possible, anyone trying to take another is defeated before they begin. I have to not care about what other people think. I have to just keep moving forward in my life, doing my best to get my work done. It's busy over here. 

I did think of a few things I might say to these new candidates if they should ask for my support or opinion. Mostly I want them to know it is a serious job and not an honor, and it won't just be one meeting a month and joining a committee. I want for them to have their own experiences as I had mine. They will need to do their own moral and intellectual work to govern a nonprofit and serve the hundreds of members. Service and responsibility are what they will be doing. They think they know that, I expect. After so many decades of it, I know it in a deeper way. I used to see myself offering mentorship from that deep experience but now that isn't possible. 

I keep trying to embrace the thought that my time has passed. I have always planned to stay involved in building the market until I am physically unable to participate, so my life has taken a turn that I did not choose. I didn't anticipate hostile treatment and erasure of my real self and real contributions. I'm getting used to it. Struggling to stay in a particular reality is a fascinating development of our era, one that we didn't anticipate being so prominent before the internet. We kind of knew that we were all starring in our own movie, but that sounds awfully innocent now. We're all extras in a lot of mini-series, and we're not getting paid to do it.

Hope everyone has a productive week and we have better sales next week when our fees go up again. The Board meets this week...will we see that HM work task fee go up to $100? If we do, will we see better procedures for making sure people who do their work tasks get it back? That's a lot of money for the market to be holding onto at a time when people are stretched to afford materials and fees just to sell enough to make it pay. I hope they consider not raising it.