Exploitation hurts everyone

 Sure, yesterday's post was mighty serious...I've been sticking to the microcosm for the most part since what's happening in the macrocosm is so fucking vile that it's extremely painful to see the images, read the stories, and know that nearly all of it is true, and yet hardly touches the actual reality. For everyone, and of course, for women and men who have had bits and pieces of similarly culturally vile experiences in their youth, or in some ways throughout their lives. I'm not going there with my history, just because I've processed it endlessly already and "it wasn't bad" compared to what we're now trying to address.

Like racism, sexism and exploitation hurts everyone and that's another thing that gets a wink and nod when it happens in "polite societies" like ours. But our microcosm is not free of these exploitations and  crimes and you can ask nearly anyone about what they've seen and heard. It is rarely addressed. 

We have not yet gotten to the point of not blaming the victims. When you look at a festival of excess like the one we (some of us) call "essential" you can see that it is untouchable and efforts generally only go so far as patching things over so they won't seem too scandalous and prevent others from attending. But we've all heard about men to avoid, ways to protect your kids, legendary spaces used for sexual crimes, and I have heard actual discovery of trafficking that was enough to make many people leave. Not addressed. Yes it is hard to address. 

There are people in our community that love telling disgusting jokes, and men who have secret names among young women who have experienced harassment. I know several women who could testify to this. I've seen the tolerance and I've seen shameless flirtations designed to get favoritism that have, sometimes, worked.

The one place I have felt safe about zero tolerance for inappropriate behavior is the sauna...because I know the staff there and the policies in place. I've lodged a complaint and seen the man removed. Of course there will be some things that go unseen, but you'd be surprised by how many people there are on staff there watching and looking for transgressions, and then following through. Still, many young people will not go there and will not go to the event at all, and plenty of careful parents and small communities who protect and intervene.

I myself have intervened at times when something is sexualized that shouldn't be. Like calling a first-time seller or attendee a "virgin." I tend to jump right on that one, directly if possible or indirectly if I'm not close enough to it. Everyone deserves to feel safe. I stop some people from sharing jokes with me...they're not funny. 

Sexism is tough to identify and address, but this is the time. Let's change the culture on that right now, today. It's not harmless fun, and everyone knows that. We have lots of Bill Clintons and others and the whole consent issue has faded from importance somehow. I do think our kids are doing better than my generation with it all, but there has been regression, and all of this disclosure about these people in the files ought to result in changed behaviors all the way down to the most minor of transgressions. 

There are plenty of good, respectful people who do not think these minor transgressions are funny or excusable, and I see those good people all the time. Safety demands it. Let's work harder at it. Let's all speak up more and make sure the culture does change. Permanently.  

We know thousands of people have been trafficked from these prisons and concentration camps and that has to be exposed and stopped. Do the big things, and all of us, do the small things too. We can't be well when we are not safe.