The Next Step

Painkillers make me type badly (sort of a dsylexia) and repeat myself repeatedly. Clearly I need to keep typing, however badly.

The obvious follow-up to yesterday is that soon after congratulating myself for doing everything right the little bell rang *everything?* I've gotten good at the after-the-fact, but what about the prevention? I am sure it is possible to not only diminish the effects but to rid myself of them. They're only brain patterns and pathways, which we know we can change. [Side note: doctors told my Mom she has a remarkably "tight brain," meaning for an 86-year old lady she does not have a shriveled, dried out thinking apparatus. Crosswords, music, walking, going to old-people university, etc. Go Mom!]

When I was actively co-counseling, I had a network for processing distress both before and after the occurrences, and the opportunity to go right back to the beginning and work at the roots. I more-or-less squandered that when my group disbanded and I didn't maintain the relationships. I watched another in the group prepare for her surgery, setting up schedules and insisting that she have access to her people even in the operating room. I'm not as diligent as she is, but she took care of her anticipated and real needs and I admired that. That's the thing I need to keep in place, and maintain. It takes the pressure off friendships.

I'm an avoider, I can admit that. I rarely fix things that aren't broken, and I have my excuses all lined up. I'm not going to trash myself for it, but why did it not occur to me that I might be feeling some distress? Why don't I work there: Try to take better care of myself. Better still, actually start doing it. On the list.

I'm so grateful that I did so much cleaning and yardwork this winter. My houses are in pretty good shape. I'll miss some of the spring gardening opportunities but that's okay for a year. If I take the time to heal well I can be back in time to harvest strawberries and plant tomatoes. I will definitely make more tomato juice this summer. That stuff is marvelous and I don't even know Aunt Lud's secrets yet.

My lovely writing group is coming today and I'm going to ask them to organize my reading pile zone so I'll have a little work space. I'm going to design the Jell-O shirts first, and see if I can print them the last week of March. I'll sit there at the table in the back room at Maude Kerns with my foot on a pillow of Jell-O and snag all the pity sales. Maybe the book will come out in time and I can hawk that too. You know what they say about crisis and opportunity.

Thank you, nine times nine times nine.