Summer Projects

 I love summer, and now that OCF is wrapped, it is my time for summer projects. I got to most of the garlic just in time, but still have tons of weeding to do and have to restore my raspberry patch this year in the process. I just want to be outside all of the time, no matter how hot it is. 

At the same time, my body is telling me my ambitions are too high. I still hurt in several places from all of the work of Fair, and haven't gone out to clean up my site yet, which I really need to do this week. As it involves lifting wood, I'm dreading it a bit. The site after the event is always so dried out, beaten down and hard-used, it makes me vow to go out more when it is fresh, watered, and lush. Spring flowers are incredible there. I absolutely must spread out my work there too, as trying to do all the set-up in two days was just way too hard this year. 

Market is barely manageable, as my new shoes didn't prove to be miracle-working, as I'd hoped. The foot I broke 13 years ago is showing me its longterm conditions for use, and I am not catching on to the adaptions I'm having to make. I simply cannot stand all day long so will need a high stool to sit on, so I can still be at customer eye level but able to rest the foot. Of course that won't help the back problems, or the other things I need to accommodate, but I'm hoping my new improved attitude will allow a bit less avoidance and a bit more realistic change.

Meanwhile, avoidance of Market politics isn't working as things get more toxic. More members are becoming targets of harassment for what is essentially questioning the decisions of the power structure, which are being delivered in a "if you disagree there is something wrong with you" manner. We no longer have a consensus-seeking process, we have an in-group agreement to push aside anyone who represents a different opinion, and this has spread to many topics, but it's most egregious when it comes to the efforts to make all members comply with all "guidelines" which are no longer suggestions for best practices but laws with "consequences" attached and control and domination tactics employed to get compliance. Humiliation at the hands of your fellow equal members is becoming common.

Numerous members have been labeled "mentally ill" or "disturbed" if they persist in making their disagreements known. I remember when I first sensed I was put in that category, and it was subtle but twisted. An angry person had dropped his suitcase near my booth, but I hadn't heard him say something threatening about it. All I saw was a suitcase in the aisle so I moved it to the corner out of the way. The story came back to me as something that had been chuckled about, that in a ditzy way, I had acted just like a silly old woman would have, and that was so endearing. I do not find my characterization as a silly old woman endearing. I think I have proven that I am a sharp, critically thinking and extremely capable seasoned person, and any diminution of my personal power is a calculated robbery of my standing and effectiveness as a member. That was just the tip of an iceberg as it turned out. 

The tactic of labeling someone as disturbed or crazy is super effective when people don't have direct experience with that person, but place their faith in the opinion of someone in power. It is being used to prepare others to take punitive action against another member, piling up "evidence" carefully to destroy that person's credibility and warp their actions into something suspicious or threatening. Evidence includes people you are seen speaking with, (you must be conspiring, even though you are maybe talking about your products or anything, even the weather), offhand remarks taken out of context, comments you might have made in person or on social media that could have been meant in completely different ways, such as jokes, and infractions you might have made against the many rules. Or you squinting into the sun in the direction of someone who takes offense and sees you as casting the evil eye on them. Any action or statement is fair game.

I used to say that we all had that one rule we didn't follow, but now that might be used in a list of things you do to oppose management control. I don't joke about that now. Our traditional freedom to retain some independence as individual business owners is being taken as some kind of disloyalty that makes us dangerous to the org. There is only one allowed position and that is to support the management in every decision and intent. 

This is of course resulting in a visible lack of volunteers and support for organizational efforts. No one wants that Secretary job, which involves responsibility and a close working relationship with the GM. No one wants to be on the committees where the atmosphere is highly controlled and not collaborative. There's some idea that everything has to be unanimous as if different opinions were destructive or dangerous. Hey, votes have three cateories...approve, disapprove, stand aside. All valid and all helpful in getting to the "elegant solutions" that work the best.

The scariest part is the punishment era we are in where members build cases to terminate the memberships of their equals. When disagreement is a threat, and members are labeled as "unmanageable" it is seen as acceptable to take away their access to the community, the opportunity to make their livings, and to ban them from the marketplace. I don't see how any member can do this without that gut feeling that they themselves could be next. This has never been part of our culture. Someone would have to actually commit a dangerous crime to have their membership taken away. We have always maintained that our diversity is our strength, and that lots of different opinions, styles, and ways to be creative were acceptable and desired, to keep us lively, accessible, and thriving. Conformity has never been something we imposed or even saw as necessary to begin with. 

But every kind of diversity is threatening to this power structure. If domination and control tactics don't work, those with voting power are told false narratives about people being unmanageable, dangerous, and necessary to remove for the protection of the GM. Instead of having someone able to do many types of management that would be effective, when her tactics don't work, she constructs a case that no one could do better and removal of the offender is the only solution. 

I want an end to termination of membership as a possibility while this is dealt with as a negative aspect of our current structure that will destroy us. It is seriously offensive. It is authoritarian and seeing otherwise reasonable people engage in these actions is so very demoralizing. No one is safe from this. 

I do not feel safe at Market, not safe to engage in my longterm friendships, to express my opinions, to engage in any market dialogues or online discussions, not safe to pose solutions or questions, not safe to write this essay. I know there is already a case against me, though it hasn't been documented with Notices of Concern yet or whatever might be in store for me. Ask yourself if someone in their 50th year of participation, having always acted in responsibility and service, feels threatened, what must someone new be feeling? The scrutiny is always there. I am being watched. I'm being judged by my associations, perceived attitudes, sharing observations, attempting to point things out that go against our shared values. 

And if I am, so are you. Is this what you want every week when you show up? Do you feel like an outsider while you see an in-group rejecting other equal members? Are you preferring silence to looking for solutions? 

I don't know how to fix this. I'm working on it. But I do know that I am not crazy, and my observations are not because I am mentally ill...and neither are yours. Take heart. Truth and justice are powerful and they won't hide.  

Golden moments are more than just dust in the sun

Super dusty Fair, which had the upside of making bandanas a hot property, but then it was really physically hot too and sales were lower than they would have been. And everything, everything, is brown with dust. I'm a bit afraid to open the totes, as even my products might need to be washed or the prices lowered. That's on for tomorrow. Today I had two zooms so I had to function and communicate and keep doing laundry. I need a vacation.

I didn't have enough workers so had to be there selling the whole time, which meant no shopping, no strolling over to Xavanadu for lunch, or much of anything besides work and exhaustion. But I still managed to somewhat recapture the love I have for the community we built out there and all of its far-reaching effects.

If there is going to be a better, more compassionate world, it will be because people like the ones I know out there have worked their whole lives to create and nurture it. Our kids, and our grandkids get it, and carry it forward in inspiring ways. I feel again like we will get through these times and on to somewhat easier ones again.

Except for the climate emergency. We are not getting out of that. I generally love it when nature takes over and takes away our human superiority complex and we are humbled. I'm grateful it didn't rain, as that tree that grows in my living space makes it impossible to keep things dry, even with the many tarps and gear I take out there for that eventuality. It has certainly happened a few times but this time it was dry dry dry. I'm still parched. 

The worst part was the hundreds and thousands of rocks in the path and all over the ground. Stepping on rocks drove my foot injury wild. My right foot hurt the whole time. Now that I am back my neck and hands are painfully complaining about all the lifting and overwork. The first two days of setup were way too hard on my body. Next year I have to carve out some time to get out there and do some prefair site prep. Gone are the days when there were volunteers and staff to help with that. Water crew messed up and couldn't fill the path-watering barrels so that caused the overwhelming dust problem. I don't blame the volunteers. One factor that we discussed was that when the older volunteers leave, they generally don't mentor successors or have a process for making sure all the hard-gained knowledge is passed to the new members of the crew. I'm sure some do, but it is just hard and complicated to compile institutional knowledge when it rests in dedicated people who sometimes leave without being ready or emotionally settled enough to help who's left.

Much like what happened with my job at Market. I wasn't able to find anyone to mentor in the many aspects, though I did document most of it as an extended job description. Right before Fair some market members started trying to figure out what a Secretary is supposed to do, and I was able to provide that, but didn't have time or energy to discuss what wasn't working and won't just start working with a new person in the position.

Many of the tasks or responsibilities in my description require a lot of collaboration with staff, either the manager or whomever is the main Board support person on staff. We just don't have that person on our staff now. We had it for a minute with Veronica, but that didn't last long enough to get out ahead of all the things that were being undone by staff that didn't know or care how to support volunteers. The top priority of the GM seems to be controlling member behaviors and working to harass and remove members from their uses of their powers to contribute. She isn't a collaborator. The gaps in her knowledge and her desire to learn about her job and our org are debilitating for the org. When I think about what we could be experiencing it makes me so sad. 

I may prioritize finishing up 2019 archiving as we were pretty much at the top of our success during that 50th season. We had a manager doing a decent job, working with a team of workers who were doing fairly well under her direction. When she left they kind of fell apart, but hid that. Over the years since then, we have lost a lot, a lot of knowledge, many volunteers who have been pushed out for various reasons, and a new era of crisis management and drama which means we can't make any progress into getting back into shape. We're overextended in so many ways and our ethical standards and shared values and sense of intention are at odds, our members divided and confused. We have no transparency and manipulation and lies are the norm. It was a relief to have a week off from it. 

While I feel energized and capable, I am very wary of re-entering any type of responsibility or service with the org until we change staff, and I feel compelled to work toward that change despite how difficult and demoralizing it has been. I fear if we don't do it soon we will set even more destructive policy changes and erosion of values in place that we won't be able to recover from. Members who leave seldom return. There isn't an endless number of members, or willing volunteers. 

I hear unthinkable cultural attitudes that I don't believe are true or fair, such as blaming slow change on dug-in old people who refuse change. I think that is a false narrative that has never been true and isn't now. All of the people I worked with embraced change just fine, when it was improvement, refinement, and new technique and skills. Change just for itself is not an improvement. There has to be a purpose in it. Charging members more money won't create the changes we need, it will just support the wasteful and irresponsible overspending we have been seeing.

We need our committees to be restored to doing their jobs, and making the recommendations that are needed, which would then be carried out instead of opposed and defied by the GM. The Board would direct the staff, not just rubberstamp what she wants to do. We have never been ruled by an autocrat, especially one with so many hidden and destructive impulses and plans. We have always been a sensible, fiscally responsible organization that spent within our means and honored our commitment to support emerging artists as well as those who depend on the market for our livelihoods. 

Fair has its issues but things seem to be turning a bit in a more sensible direction as people catch on to the damage that can be and is being done by narcissistic, controlling manipulators in high positions. Our small business owners like honesty, transparency, justice, and truth. We will bring these values back and hold onto them. Gathering in such a large group out in the woods just reinforced that. 

It felt good. I was even able to be friendly to people I'd been avoiding. Drama faded away and it felt good to be me doing what I can do so well. I felt restored and hopeful most of the time. Now I have to hold onto that and make it come back down on the Park Blocks too. 

A Girl Can Dream

 I'm still having fun printing bandanas. I'm sure I have way too many but these may not go out of style for awhile. 

And I'm not sure I can say this enough. Down with fascism. 

Hot topics are too hot

 So much too hot for screenprinting and deflecting bullies. The piling on of bullies on even the concept of an unofficial group like the one Ash started is outing a lot of controlling people and people intent on supporting a controlling agenda. When the OCF groups started (I think it was before the pandemic, when the power politics came in, or maybe before that even) there was a flood of bullies trying to shut down the groups, their discussions, and people's ability to express dissenting opinions or even explore their reactions to official acts. It took awhile to balance out, and resulted in people leaving the community when they found out how willing others were to spread misery. On the site I like, Negative shit we don't want to talk about, we kick the bullies out after explaining that we are essentially a serious but snarky site that isn't for everyone. It's a lovely community for the most part.

It seems not connected to what's happening at market, but actually it is. There are leaders in both memberships and staffs who have been there and subscribed to this new control fantasy that you can get hundreds or thousands of members to only talk about and to accept the company line. This obviously is not possible and is a control fantasy. Now, in a move that is so predictable yet shocking, the market site has been closed down to any but admins and posts they approve, until Wed. night they say. Even after deleting some bullying comments, it looks like they can't handle the free speech issues raised by the people they don't like. They couldn't just delete all the bullying, because some of it was being done by their favorites. 

As an admin I tried to let bullying sit a minute for people to see it, and then ask the person to moderate their comments or I'd remove them. Often they would moderate themselves and the discussions could go on. But those times were so much more trusting than these. It's hard to explain that things worked so much better with trust, when obviously it only took one or two untrustworthy people to come in and turn us upside down. 

Controllers and narcissists and bullies use similar tactics to take you down and at minimum, discourage you from speaking up, particularly on social media but also in real life. I've gotten schooled so many times from people that insist that whether or not I have an official position, I am a leader and it is my responsibility to stay on message with the power structure and encourage and guide everyone else to do that too. When I had a position, I did feel the pressure of my duty of loyalty, obedience, and care to do what I could to support the company line, until it became an oppression of my moral values and ethics. And then, I quit my positions in both organizations and was surprisingly not more free to express myself, because the bullies didn't really care what kind of pressure they had to use on me, they still found types of pressure to use.

My duty of loyalty is to the organizations, not to their power structures, like our duties in real life are to our communities, our families, our constitution, not to people who want to use power over us. We don't have to do what they want us to. Boundaries are very maddening to controlling people. They tend to deepen and shift their tactics to less direct ones, which if you try even a little bit you can see operating.

One way is that they change the ways they speak about you. Instead of me resigning after many dedicated years of service, I "left them in the lurch." Instead of the person I had always shown myself to be, I was now somehow someone else, according to the stories that filtered back to me. I'm an easy person to bully...I tend to keep my accomplishments and such to myself, and just let my work speak for me. I did a really thorough and more than competent job as an officer, with depths of effort that did not show, but now I am categorized as someone who made "egregious failures." It goes on and on. 

It has not been easy to learn how to not allow myself to be bullied, to learn to set boundaries and not care so much. It is necessary, however. They have many tactics to draw you into traps, like the post asking for my participation in a discussion of the GM position and issues. The same person who continues to disparage me all of a sudden "valued my input." The set-up was obviously provocative. 

I made a promise to myself when I turned 75 that I would no longer accept the presence of bullies in my life. I blocked a couple on social media, and when they try to engage with me I am not available for it. I pull back opportunities for them to use me. It's not pleasant. I'm not used to it. I am getting more skilled at it, though.

I know some of you readers have not done the study of bullying and narcissism I have done over the last decade, and you will make the common judgement that I am not rational on the subject and manufacturing evidence to show myself as a victim. Study up. There is a ton of information on the internet that will teach you some of the tactics, and the many nuances of how they are hidden behaviors for the most part. 

You may not have registered the changes in our organizations since these controlling people came along. You may be confused as to why people are fighting, intolerant, "spewing negativity" (a common criticism of any disagreement) and struggling to participate fully. I am here to tell you that the culture of bullying is being fostered from the top. You can see that in national politics, and it is no different in our microcosm. People with power are using it to hurt and control and dominate others. People who won't accept that domination are being targeted with punishment, banishment, and shunning. 

It's always my policy to not trash individual volunteers who are trying, I am sure, to do their best, even when I disagree with their opinions or tactics. I might speak about their positions, or their behaviors, but I am not here to name names. You will need to figure out that part for yourselves. But use your gut feelings, ask questions, and make observations. Watch how dissenting opinions are handled. Watch what happens when someone resists compliance.

I have to get back into the very hot shop and print some black hoodies, which as you can imagine, is something I do not want to do today. But I will. Because my client treats me with respect and lets me know I am valued, worth what I charge, and my dependability is honored. I have let the clients go who don't treat me that way. My life is better for it.