Fear Buries Truth, Film at 11:00

A long time of no writing for me. I've actually been writing other things (yay!) and trying to retreat from expressing my opinion for awhile, trying to find a vacation in the week between the holidays. I was somewhat successful in that I stayed out of the shop, but I worked on a puzzle (no accident in that verb there) and spring-cleaned the bathroom. I did some sitting around. I started the pruning and spread some gravel, and made some lists, but mostly tried to empty my mind a little from all of the holiday clutter.

If I don't have solitude and down time, I get attracted to drama, and it is really hard at HM to avoid getting involved in at least some. Most of the stuff that was operating last year is over, because I tried hard to stay away from people or situations that might lead me there. I didn't get fired from anything and I worked on gratitude and not complaining. My goal was to not make my problems other people's problems and I did pretty well with that. I struggled with what we all struggle with, all of the consumption in its various forms and the ways my life doesn't measure up to the norm, but I constantly reminded myself that my ideas of the norm come mostly from the barrage of advertising and from TV actors and writers...it's not real. It's not true. Anyway, why be normal?

But my norm, if I have one, is really not mainstream, and I'm glad of that. I'm not much of a consumer. I use the retailing as an excuse not to get involved in a lot of gift-buying and my needs were for socks, a new pair of waterproof boots just in case it ever rains on a Saturday again, and a few things for my son and his gf. I sent Jell-O art to my family. It's the thought that counts, right? I thought they might be amused and maybe even a little delighted in the ephemeral beauty and uselessness of it...and I had a lot left. It most emphatically did not prove to be a viable Holiday Market product, and neither did the silk scarves and flags. I still have a lot to learn.

Winter is the lovely offseason which is such a joy, to have the pressure of production off or at least slowed way down. I will have to find work of lots of kinds, and the sitting around week is over. Some of my customers have already brought me work, for which I am very grateful and I'll get around to it soon. I have to re-examine my strategies for improving my retail life, which is just a continuing process. One thing the Jell-O did was provide a source of creative juice, amusement and relief, and it improved everything in my life, so I'm not ready to let go of it.

I suppose I could work on less attachment to money...I will be old enough this year to draw social security. I dream about never retailing at Christmas again...about quitting the Country Fair. I dream about renting out my other house and not needing a shop to avoid. These are far down the road and might not really be what I want, because many times what I think I want is not what I want, at least if you look at my actions and what I seem to be trying to find.

I love the open space in my life to go in a lot of directions at once. I'm reading and writing fiction and nonfiction simultaneously, sometimes even about the same subjects. I'm cleaning up clutter and creating more. I'm putting my yard in order so that I can invite in more natural chaos.

Every direction presents with a contradictory direction, or at least one that is merely tangential. I like to wander around like that. It's a gentle soft focus where nothing is all that important or essential...a form of peace. I need it.

I'm writing about Occupy (present and future), and reading about PTSD (the past intruding). I'm watching birds, and enjoying having my feet on the ground (too much gravel). I want to feed suet to the yellow-rumped warbler and that pair of Townsend's, and chase off the starlings.

It was lovely to go into the Saturday Market office and listen to the Standards review, and see dozens of market people at once. Beth led the group through all of the guidelines, which didn't take that long and proved to be much more interesting than reading them in the handbook. One thing she mentioned is that people used to know how to make things...everyone in a room would know how to make a fire, how to preserve food, how to fix a sewing machine and how to make a tool handle. Now people do not...in general. We are a group of people who make things, all the time, in lots of different ways, and that is a very beautiful way of life that needs to be protected. We are important to the world and not just to ourselves, and not because we are archaic or left behind, but because we are skilled. We are amazing fine artists and our collective skills and knowledge are awe-inspiring.

And we keep busy being productive, adaptable, and positive. We have lots of other skills that we developed to sustain our lives, marketing and managing skills, communication skills, emotional skills. We don't need a boss to direct us, we don't need a paycheck, we are not dependent in the same ways as those who have to operate in the more limited world. We do have to interface successfully with it...to get our materials and to sell our wares. Still, it seems a more simple arrangement if you can develop the skills to create, produce, and sustain your life. I'm proud of us.

It's complex and rich. Whenever we gather it's important to focus on that, our strength and our value, and not let our doubts and despairs overwhelm our ability to dream and imagine. The world needs art. Our town needs art. Our neighbors need art.

It doesn't need our drama. I was going to write about fear. That came up this morning when Poling's fence was on the front page, and he displayed well the poor thinking that comes when fear overrides rationality. Yes, it was unfair that he was targeted in his house with his family. Pretty much everyone agrees that was wrong. However, the message of the second protest, composed of women undressed to the waist with TRUTH painted on their chests, was, I believe, to remind people what they are really afraid of, the naked truth.

Unfortunately the message was mixed because they were hooded, probably out of fear for their own safety in the atmosphere of irrationality that quickly arose. Putting an expensive fence around your house will not protect you from the truth, because you will still be afraid, maybe more afraid, as you look at that fence every day. The truth is packed with fear, and it is our job to sort it out, and find what matters in there.

Fear is violence. Defensiveness is violence. Instead of these fairly affluent people being afraid of losing their home and their relative luxury, which is the economic reality, they let themselves focus on their fear of some young passionate people being somewhat inappropriate in their proximity. Do fans of other sports teams erect fences to defend themselves against irrational drunk sports fanatics? No, because they can recognize what is going on. I don't know why people can't recognize what is going on with the protests.

I'm guessing they can't because it is too overwhelming. People driving to VRC just hated looking at the poor people in the tents who weren't participating in the festivities. Need is overwhelming. You write a check to some safe agency, which pays for some administrators, and you call your job done. You have contributed to solving society's problems. You have done what you can afford.

But by all indications, you will have to pay a lot more before you will really be safe. The protestors are not your enemy, even if they are scaring you with their words or actions. Your fear is your enemy, as it is making you distracted and unable to act on the real problems, the real things we need to be afraid of. There are plenty to choose from. Pick one and pitch in. That's just what the Occupy people did.

They chose economic injustice. They're working on it. People who can't seem to see that are just acting out wildly, wasting money and time with fences and stadium lights and police overtime to the max. It's a waste. Fear or love, people. Fear or love. Translate that however you want. Compassion or avoidance. Numbness or engagement. Distraction or discussion.

Truth is powerful. I support truth, even if it has to wear a hood and be afraid too. Fear or love. Neither one is going away, so where will you put your energy?